Brother Bewitched 28
Added 2023-12-10 03:04:43 +0000 UTCSerren's pretty little head swirls with confusion. He needs someone to tell him what to do. Enter Lord Devin.
Comments
I surely will keep delivering feedback in the future. It's great to extend the pleasure of reading by discussing with the creator 😀
Alexia
2023-12-19 19:39:14 +0000 UTCThat bit of foreshadowing will be explained, though not quite in the next chapter. The wizard issue does come up, though.
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-19 12:45:15 +0000 UTCI love the feedback and do find it constructive. It's all great. When I created the Patreon I was hoping to get feedback from people on that posts, so I am always excited to see your thoughts. So, please keep them coming. I appreciate it!
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-19 12:43:58 +0000 UTCYes. Panel 23 is the problem panel. I would actually be inclined to reshoot that one panel to make it more of a natural progression with Serren's legs dangling as he is still held up by Devin and change the position of Devin's hands so it is more natural. I actually like the idea of cutting to a wolf jumping on a lamb as a way to dramatize the dynamics! It would have been a nice touch. We are on the same wavelength in terms of why Pattenia might be okay with Devin hanging around Serren. I had even thought many chapters ago to have a scene where Devin tells Pattenia he wants to toy with Serren and she agrees. This would be Devin's way of playing Pattenia, earning her trust. Maybe I will put it in there even at this late date so it is clear that Pattenia thinks Devin is her ally.
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-19 12:41:53 +0000 UTC... As a conclusion I hope this feedback is constructive. I discuss about all these details because I like Serren's universe, and I feel that the more you talk about something, the more real it becomes. Thank you for giving us this nice universe we can explore in thought.
Alexia
2023-12-19 10:23:10 +0000 UTCFinally, you wrote : " It is also my feeling that a single male would probably not be allowed to enter the princess’ chambers and the two of them be unsupervised" You are right, but I still think it is better to keep the artistic licence at minimum level whenever it is possible. Personnaly, I had issues with the growling but I could find explanations to Devin's freedom of access to the princess appartment : 1) Paternia's power is not (or not yet) a dictatorship. Nobilities as Devin are important people with privileges. Guards and servant don't dare to go against their will, but if Patternia has given very specific orders. 2) Patternia didn't give restrictive orders regarding Devin's access to Seren's appartement. Actually, she even insisted for Devin bringing Serenina back to her room after she fell on the floor. My guess is that Paternia likes the idea of having her new sister exposed to male attention. She probably didn't anticipate how fast Serenina would surrender to her feminity. Or maybe she doesn't mind, as long as Serenina ends up as Runtick's wife. Also, she is sure that she can dispose of Devin and turn him to a woman when she wants, so she is probably overconfindent about that matter. It will be very very interesting to see how she will react when she knows better...
Alexia
2023-12-19 10:10:32 +0000 UTCAbout the growling: I don't have any easy solution here. It would have been very nice to keep it at a metaphorical/symbolic level, but not having it actually happening in the "real" world. By that I mean : Serenina (and possibly Devin) imagine the growling, they hear it in their thought but noone else does. If this comic were a movie, we can imagine a very short sequence displaying a wolf jumping on a lamb, inserted between pannel 19 and 20. This short insert would be supposed to reflect the subjective experience of the characters. I am not sure it does have sense, I am just exploring... :-)
Alexia
2023-12-19 09:56:48 +0000 UTCOf course all these licences are forgiven, and many can even argue there is not even anything to be forgiven there. That said, I would like to push the discussion a little bit further if you don't mind. About Devin picking Serren up in the air: - The first pannel (pannel 22) is OK even if Devin is a little bit static. - The issue IMO is pannel 23 displaying Serren in the same "arched back/legs in the air" posture as in pannel 22. IMO, this posture can only be an instant transition. Keeping it in two successive pannels doesn't feel natural. An easy solution would have been to cut the frame so Serenina's legs are out of the picture, exactly as you did in pannel 24.
Alexia
2023-12-19 09:47:49 +0000 UTCGood question... There was a cliffhanger there, with Devin saying "one last word, wizard", or something like that... Very intriguing indeed...
Alexia
2023-12-19 09:26:55 +0000 UTCWhat happened to the wizard is explained in the next chapter!
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-19 07:47:59 +0000 UTCThanks. Glad you liked it.
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-19 07:47:20 +0000 UTCThis coming Friday!
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-19 07:47:05 +0000 UTCDevin has made serren a full woman know bit what happened to the wizard?
Joseph c guillory
2023-12-19 06:38:51 +0000 UTCTo that brute Nice story but when is next chapter come out??
Joseph c guillory
2023-12-19 05:57:25 +0000 UTCGood story and the scene were seren may have lost her Virginity.
Joseph c guillory
2023-12-19 05:57:00 +0000 UTCThose two panels are supposed to show that Devin has picked Serren up and is holding him in the air. It was hard to arrange the picture exactl the way I’d envisioned it, so after struggling for a loooong time I settled with those pics as the best I could do at the time. I suppose I took artistic license with the growl, especially as I made it LOUD. It is also my feeling that a single male would probably not be allowed to enter the princess’ chambers and the two of them be unsupervised, but I hope my readers would forgive my indulgences.
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-18 10:50:08 +0000 UTCI like the story telling a lot but why is Serenina suspended in the air in two consecutive pictures, defying gravity? Also, Devin's growling does have sense because he is hyper manly, but this growling is a little bit too much IMHO. It's too big, too red, too noisy. We are supposed to be in a royal palace, and if someone howls like a werewolf in a nobility's chamber, guards should immediately arrive.
Alexia
2023-12-18 09:10:53 +0000 UTCVery nice. I won't say more because I don't want to give anything away.
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-12 00:27:49 +0000 UTC@Taylor, yes I expected as much. but the way you have written it is simply marvelous. (Spoiler warning to those who haven't read it) . . . . . . . . I could feel I was in the body of serrenina. I could understand her faux resistance. But, I am sure that once Devin would breach her futile defense, flood gates would open. When I imagine where this story could go, Devin renames serrenina Tiffany, he wants serren to recognize the new name and forget his old one. Serrens soul cannot think of disobeying devin, complies.
Neha Raj
2023-12-11 03:45:49 +0000 UTCThanks. Glad you liked it!
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-10 06:49:53 +0000 UTCI was not expecting that another great chapter
Joe Blow78
2023-12-10 06:04:41 +0000 UTCWell, at risk of it being a little bit of a spoiler, there will be a flashback!
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-10 05:41:16 +0000 UTCThanks so much!
Taylor Galen Kadee
2023-12-10 05:40:44 +0000 UTCwaaaaaat.... I need details.. how?.. I mean what... aaaarghhhh.. great stuff as always Taylor :) you the best
Neha Raj
2023-12-10 05:13:56 +0000 UTCAnother home-run!
findesiecle
2023-12-10 04:38:27 +0000 UTC
