Is It Wrong to Crave Love (In a Dungeon)? Chapter 7 - Courage

Lilly hugged her knees to her chest in front of a crackling campfire, watching the white flames dance and sway. There was no wind, as there rarely were gusts of wind in the Dungeon, but the flames danced all the same. The wood of the campfire did not burn, not truly, but the fire remained alight, spreading a warmth that travelled down her spine and tingled her bare toes.

Lilly was warm. The warmth was a kind of feeling she hadn’t expected in the Dungeon, because it was not just the warmth of flame and fire, it was a warmth that was tender and loving, a warmth that reeked of hospitality and care, of geniality and cordiality. It was a warmth that was sweet and a warmth that was sickening. It was a warmth that had one stretch out fully, and curl into a ball underneath thick blankets in the heart of winter or the rainiest day of summer. It was a warmth that was found when cuddled between a father and a mother, hearing their heartbeats in front and behind, and having caring, long arms wrapped around with tenderness. It was a warmth that soothed the spirit while enriching and rejuvenating the flesh, and a warmth that had her almost wanting to grasp her chest and scream at it.

The stab wound she’d sustained, the arrows fired and shot to her leg, every injury she had, every injury she had ever had, be they minor calluses from firing Little Ballista, or the scratches and scrapes she got in her many, many forays into the Dungeon, all of them were bathed by the warmth of the campfire, and every last one of them were soothed, and every last one of them had vanished.

An oversized flaming kimono top was draped across Lilly’s shoulders, as a young, barefoot man sat opposite her, topless, muttering to himself as he spoke to the campfire. It was an odd sight, watching him talk to a campfire, and reacting as if the campfire could speak back to him. 

Slowly, he scratched the back of his head and turned to her, giving an apologetic smile. “Again, I’m terribly sorry about the clothes. And your items.”

Lilly shook her head. “Mister’s spell is very powerful. It’s understandable for it to have drawbacks.”

The white flames he summoned killed all the Kobolds, but they also destroyed their magic stones, their cores, and any drop items that would have come from them. Worse still, it affected everything and everyone in range, including himself.

It burned indiscriminately. Wood, cloth, thread, grass, every article of clothing, every object, had been completely engulfed by the fire he summoned.

The magic stones she had hidden on her person, gathered from killing previous monsters, had gone into smoke, her weapons too had been burned, and everything she’d been wearing too had been burned. The white flames had washed over her, but they had not harmed her. The flames held the same warmth of the campfire, the same soothing, calming, rejuvenating warmth, but only to a slightly lesser degree.

It was a spell that, in the Dungeon, would always put himself and his allies at a net loss if he used it. No one would want to party with someone whose spell would render them all defenceless, clothless, and inevitably moneyless. As everything within its radius would be cleansed by that pure white fire, even the drops and magic stones they’d gathered from hunting monsters would be burned away too, meaning, using it would retroactively make any foray into the Dungeon entirely worthless.

Lilly felt the kimono draped over her form, and could not understand why it hadn’t burned, while everything else the Mister had on him had. His wooden sandals had been burned away, his hair-tie had been burned away, his staff was made of steel, so it didn’t burn because it couldn’t, but the odd, flame-like patterned kimono had been untouched by the flames.

Lilly could tell the kimono was not made by any of the manufacturing Familias in Orario, due to the quality. The material, the more she touched it, felt like it was woven with great effort, as if meant to be a gift to someone. Lilly did not understand how the Mister managed to get something of such high quality, when he looked, and appeared, by all means, to be a newbie adventurer.

“Mister…”

“It’s Moses,” the Mister said. “Moses Vanderzee.”

Moses. Lilly had never heard anyone with a name like that before. Then again, there were a lot of things about the Mister that Lilly couldn’t wrap her head around. This campfire in the Dungeon, here on the Fourth Floor, was one of them. Lilly often went to the guild and gathered information, and she was certain there was nothing about a campfire on the Fourth Floor that could heal wounds, comfort, and rejuvenate adventurers. Given the similarity between it and the flames he used for his spell, it meant it was Mister’s doing, either a Skill or Magic.

Lilly had many questions on her mind. There were too many, each one more urgent than the last. Normally, being only covered by a cloak, being so exposed and unguarded against a stranger, against an adventurer, would have never crossed her mind. However, the words of the chant of the man’s spell somehow stayed with her.

Lilly had been around a lot of adventurers as a Supporter, and one or two of them had magic. The chants used to activate them, more often than not, had to do with events in their life or their personal experiences. The Mister’s chant… recalling it, Lilly had questions. Lilly had so many questions.

Yet, only one managed to force its way out of her lips.

“Why did you save Lilly?”

“You’re… Lilly?”

“Liliruca… Arde,” she said. “Lilly is Lilly.”

Even though she would rather not be Lilly.

“Mister, why did you save Lilly?”

The Mister, Moses, hesitated at the question, and Lilly’s guard went up. If he went about saying something like he saved her out of the goodness of his heart, or because it was the right thing to do, Lilly would start planning how to make her exit. Lilly had been around enough adventurers, enough people, to know there was no such thing as ‘goodness of heart.’ The most suspicious people were the ones who said they did things without any ulterior motive.

The Mister, Moses, slowly scratched his chin. “I want to know what love feels like.”

Lilly’s brows went up.

“That’s the truth,” the Mister admitted, shrugging and rubbing the back of his head. “I’m sorry if you were expecting nobler motives.”

Lilly couldn’t wrap her head around it. Lilly wasn’t expecting nobler motives, because this was the Dungeon, and there were no nobler motives. However, what was suggested was too unbelievable for Lilly to accept. Lilly was aware there were a lot of naïve, bright-eyed, foolish people who entered the Dungeon hoping to sweep women off their feet as in the stories, but to actually meet one?

“You saved Lilly, because you… want Lilly to… love you?”

“I would certainly be happy if you did,” Mister chuckled.

Lilly stared.

“Mister, has anyone ever told you that you’re crazy?”

Mister smiled at her. “Knowing what love feels like isn’t just about being loved by others. It’s about loving others, too.”

A sudden warmth that was different from the fire claimed Lilly’s cheeks.

“So, by saving you, I also want to love you, Lilly.”

He’s crazy. Lilly’s heart was racing. Completely crazy.

Lilly instinctively blurted, “You can’t love Lilly.”

“Do you have someone?”

“W-what?”

“A person you love. A person who loves you.” 

An odd fire burned in Lilly’s stomach. Someone Lilly… loves? How could Lilly have time for something that frivolous? How could she, when every single day was spent doing her hardest to earn as much coin as she could? How could she, when adventurers treated Supporters like garbage? 

As for the other…

A person who loves Lilly? 

Lilly wanted to laugh.

How could—

“How could anyone love me?”

Lilly flinched. She turned her head slowly to look at the Mister.

“For a long time… It’s how I thought.”

The Mister had the same thoughts Lilly did. Lilly had never expected it. 

Then you’d know, Lilly wanted to say. No one can love you if you’re useless, or weak, or if you bring them trouble. No one can love you if you’re a burden or a hindrance.

That old couple that had taken her in had ultimately kicked her out. Those in her Familia didn’t care for anyone other than themselves, didn’t care about anything other than getting more money, and no one would shed a tear if Lilly died in the Dungeon.

How can someone love Lilly… when Lilly has never been able to love Lilly?

“But—”

Mister stared into the campfire, and the white flames flickered in his stormy eyes.

“I’ve stopped thinking that way. I asked myself why I needed to become someone else to be loved by others. For so long, I believed I lacked everything I needed to be loved by someone. I pursued it, chased after it, almost killed myself for it…”

Mister looked over to her.

“I’m learning now, there are those in this world, this beautiful world, who will love you, sans strength, sans intelligence, sans wealth, sans charisma, and sans renown.” 

Mister chuckled.

“There are those who will love you because you are a person deserving of love.”

A lump formed in Lilly’s throat.

Lilly didn't say anything. She couldn't say anything. She hugged her knees closer, as her chest felt tighter, and her cheeks felt hotter.

"...That would be nice if it were true, Mister."

"But it is," the Mister smiled. "It is."

Lilly didn't know why she couldn't find it in her to argue with him. There was nothing particularly outstanding about the Mister's looks; he didn't look strong, or powerful, or dangerous. He was skinny and malnourished, rough about the edges, but there was something about him, something about him... different.

He did not feel like an Adventurer.

He did not feel like anyone Lilly had ever met or had ever known.

"You're odd, Mister."

"Am I?"

"Are you really an adventurer, Mister?"

"Today is officially my first day," the Mister said. "And it's Moses, not Mister."

"Lilly calls you Mister because Lilly is a lowly Supporter, so Lilly always treats adventurers with respect."

The Mister shook his head. "I'm not really a respectable person."

"A person who saves girls so he can love them and have them love him?" Lilly said, biting her lip. "You're very respectable, Mister. The most respectable adventurer in Orario."

The Mister wagged his finger playfully. "Ah, but is it wrong to pick up girls in a Dungeon?"

"Yes," Lilly said flatly.

The Mister clutched his chest comically, as if he had been stabbed, and Lilly couldn't help the way her cheeks upturned at his reaction.

"And here I was, about to start my first serenade..."

Lilly's cheeks burned. "S-s-serenade?"

"I've always wanted to serenade someone with love poetry. I wanted to do so for my goddess, but doing so might lead to..." Mister scratched his head and sighed. "Never mind that. What do you like, Lilly? Tell me about yourself. The more I know about you, the more I can love you, right?"

Lilly's head was spinning. Her cheeks were still burning. "Mister... Lilly is grateful you saved Lilly, but... You can't love Lilly."

"Why?"

Because Lilly is a thief, Lilly is a liar, Lilly will bring you trouble.

Because even if you believe everyone is deserving of love....

Lilly is still Lilly.

"You just can't."

Lilly hugged herself closer as she looked away.

"I'm sorry, Mister."

“That’s—”

The sound of footsteps filled her ears. Lilly shivered. She turned to the west, where a group of twelve men, twelve adventurers, approached, and a familiar man, with a familiar face, led them, and saw her, pointing with his finger.

“Finally found you, you thieving prum bitch!”

Lilly’s heart sank. She leapt to her feet. 

Lilly needs to run… Lilly needs to run! 

Instinctively, she turned, but she took one glance at the Mister, at Moses, and froze.

But… but if Lilly runs, they’ll attack Mister, but Mister doesn’t have anything to do with Lilly. They won’t believe it… they’ll do it just to hurt Lilly…

It shouldn’t matter to her. She had only just met the Mister. They were strangers. He was an adventurer, and all adventurers deserved what they got. That was what Lilly believed. That was what she always believed. It would only be his fault, for saving Lilly, and for helping Lilly, and for saying all sorts of stupid things like loving Lilly and wanting Lilly to love him. It would be his fault for bringing her to this weird campfire that healed her wounds, and protecting her decency with his kimono, and talking about how everyone deserved love.

So what if they beat him up, or killed him, just because he showed Lilly a bit of kindness, just because he saved Lilly’s life, just because he wanted to love Lilly— 

Lilly had nothing to do with it. Lilly had to take care of Lilly and protect Lilly. Lilly had to look out for Lilly.

Run! Lilly! Run!

Her feet didn’t obey. Her traitorous legs refused to obey.

Why? 

Why? Why? Why?!

Could it be that the Mister’s stupid words had actually gotten to her? Could it be that she actually believed them? Lilly hated herself for believing it. It was probably just empty words. The Mister was probably a scammer, a liar, a cheat, a playboy who deceived innocent women with such sweet words and empty promises.

Why?

Even if he was, Lilly had no experience with such things, because no one had ever tried to seduce Lilly, no one had ever flirted with Lilly, or courted Lilly, or tried to woo Lilly. 

Why?

Even if it was a lie, the Mister was the first person to say he wanted to love Lilly.

Lilly’s legs sprang into action. She lunged at him. Pushing him.

“Mister! Run!”  

Would she ever find someone, anyone, who would offer to love Lilly again? 

“Quickly, Mister! Quickly! You need to run! They only want Lilly! They won’t pay attention to you, Mister!”

Just because of that, just because the Mister said he wanted to love Lilly…

Lilly couldn’t let him die.

Lilly couldn’t allow the only person in the world who could love Lilly to die.

It would be better if Lilly died instead.

“Mist—”

A hand settled on her head. A warm, confident hand that lightly patted her head. Lilly looked up at the Mister, and the Mister’s eyes were filled with warmth and a smile.

“Forgive me, Lilly, for my selfishness.”

Selfish…?

“I’ve decided I’m going to love you. Barring my goddess, I won’t let anyone get in the way of loving you.” 

“W-what is Mister saying?! N-now’s not the time for—”

“You don’t have to worry.” 

The Mister took his staff and stepped forward. He stood in front of the twelve approaching adventurers and struck his staff down.

The approaching adventurers stared as one in confusion.

“Huh?”

“Who’s this skinny-looking punk?”

“I don’t know… probably a newbie?”

“We only want the thieving bitch, if you get in our way—”

The Mister slammed his staff down again. A deafening crack filled the air.

“My name is Moses Vanderzee. I serve Lady Hestia, Goddess of the Hearth, the Home, Family, and the Sacred and Sacrificial Fire. If you have come to share tales, enjoy the warmth of company, and seek respite, then you may approach, as upon these grounds is the spirit of Xenia, the Law of Guest Right and Hospitality.” 

The flame of the campfire flickered. The warmth spread out, creating a strange, shimmering dome of about sixty feet in diameter. 

“But if you have come to harm others, to steal, kill, and destroy, then do not approach. This ground is consecrated and declared her Home. To seek harm against anyone within it is to disobey her divine mandate, to transgress against the goddess of the Home, to violate Xenia, and to become an unpardonable sinner.”

That was the first time Lilly saw it. The visage of a cozy cabin shimmered for a moment, then a house, varying houses in varying forms, and in each one, the campfire interposing as a hearth, a fireplace, in the center. The last visage was that of a temple, with a flame burning bright, before it vanished, leaving behind the faint appearance of a woman, a goddess, whose arms stretched out, as if holding the world in her embrace.

“May the gods to whom your souls are sent find it in them to forgive you, as my goddess will not.”

There, and then, everyone felt it. The Divinity of a Goddess. The Divine Might, the unshakeable awe and fear invoked upon mortals in the presence of a Deity.

“For the Hestia Familia finds limitless courage…”

Moses turned back to her and smiled.

“In the things we do for love.”