She Feels Guilty...but Not Too Guilty

I feel terrible. We shouldn't be doing this anymore. We can't be doing this anymore. Jack's really struggling and I should be there for him. I'm trying to be there for him. I'm trying to be a good girlfriend. Every time he breaks down, though, I think of you. I think of you as I'm holding him while he cries. I think of you as he grieves his mother. I think of you as he talks about how hard it is to find a job in this environment.

I can't indulge in those desires anymore, though. I just can't. I'm being a terrible girlfriend. Jack lost his mom and his job in the span of five months. He needs me to be there for him. He needs me to be strong for him. He needs me to be a good girlfriend.

I just wish I didn't spend so much time feeling like I need you.

"Are you sure you're okay if I go to this party tonight?" Shannon asked.

Jack was curled up on the couch in a sweatshirt and sweatpants, which had become his uniform of choice in the two months since he’d lost his job. On top of that, holidays had brought up a whole new wave of grief and spending Thanksgiving with his family had only made it worse. In the two weeks since they'd returned from his parent's house Jack had barely left the apartment.

His eyes were red as he turned to her. He'd clearly been crying. Shannon hated that she felt a touch of revulsion at the sight of her grief-stricken boyfriend. She hated that she'd seemingly depleted her reserves of empathy and that it took so much effort to offer him the comfort he needed.

"You should go," he said.

"You know, you could shower and put on something nice and come with me. I know most work parties aren't great, but if you remember, this party was pretty wild last year."

Jack offered a half-hearted smile. "I remember. We had sex in the bathroom."

Shannon smiled. "We did. You fucked me on the counter."

His smile faded and he turned away from her. His chest heaved a few times. Shannon wasn't sure why the memory of having sex with her would trigger a brief bout of grief, but it seemed to have done so.

"You go. Have fun."

Shannon forced herself to go to the couch and sit with Jack for a few minutes. She held him. He cried a little. She felt his tears against her bare shoulder. One dripped down her arm. Two months ago she had little problem helping him grieve. If anything, it made her love him even more to be able to help Jack through such intense pain. That was two months ago, though, and that sensation had long since faded.

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me? I don't mind waiting and being a little late to the party," she said.

Jack shook his head. "I can't. Go, though. Have fun. Stay out late. I'll order takeout."

Shannon was grateful that Jack wanted her to go. She wasn't sure she could bear another night awash in his grief. She gave him a kiss on the cheek, grabbed her handbag from the coffee table, and ordered an Uber. A few minutes later she climbed into the backseat of the compact sedan, greeted the driver, and pulled out her phone.

I'm a terrible girlfriend. Jack refused to come to the party. I got all dressed up and he couldn't bother to change out of his sweats. I held him a little right before leaving. He cried. I thought of you the whole time. I'm the worst. I shouldn't be thinking of you as my boyfriend is awash in grief.

Last year, Jack fucked me at the company party. We snuck off to the bathroom. He put me on the counter. He ate my pussy. He slid his cock inside me. He fucked me and we both came. His cum was dripping out of me for the rest of the night. It was so hot.

Now it's a year later and I've turned into the worst girlfriend in the world because all I could think about was you fucking me in the bathroom. All I could think about was your cum dripping out of me all night. All I could think about was how good it feels to get fucked by a man like you.

The car pulled up to the bar and Shannon saw Leo standing outside with two glasses in his hand. She couldn't help but smile.

She thanked the driver and got out. Leo whistled as his eyes roamed over her body and Shannon struck a pose before striding towards him with a delightful tingling sensation between her legs.

"You look stunning," he said before offering one of the glasses he held. "I took the liberty of procuring you a heavily spiked egg nog."

Shannon took the glass and sipped the drink. It was heavy on the Southern Comfort. "It's exactly what I needed. Thank you, Leo. You're more thoughtful than you get credit for."

They both sipped their drinks and he gestured towards the bar their company had rented out for the night. "Shall we go inside?"

Shannon looked at the bar and then at the man she'd been fucking behind her boyfriend's back for the past month and a half. "You live nearby, don't you?"

He nodded.

"Let's go back to your place."

"Are you sure?"

Shannon nodded and downed half the egg nog, in part because she wasn't actually sure about her decision and she figured a little liquid courage would make it easier to surrender to her desires without any of the guilt.

Leo took her glass and stepped into the bar for a moment. He returned empty-handed and they set off down the street. Two blocks later they were stepping into his apartment building.

The moment the elevator doors shut, Shannon pressed her body against his and kissed Leo. She tasted the Southern Comfort on his tongue. She felt his cock get hard. She stroked him through his slacks as he pulled up the back of her dress and squeezed her ass.

"I need you so badly, Leo," she whispered. "I need you to fuck me hard. I need you to bend me over and fuck me hard."

The elevator stopped at his floor and Leo took her hand and led her down the hallway. He fumbled with his keys while she stroked him through his pants. He finally got the door open and they rushed inside as he dropped his keys on the hardwood floor.

Shannon tugged at his zipper and reached into his pants to free his cock. He led her towards the living room and moved behind her. Leo bent her over the couch, flipped her dress up around her waist, and pulled her panties aside.

"Fuck me, Leo," she said. "Fuck me hard. Please, fuck me hard."

He rubbed the head of his dick over her pussy lips, getting it wet with the copious juices that flowed out of her. He filled her slowly and Shannon moaned as her body relaxed into the intense pleasure of having him inside her.

He ran a hand up her back and grabbed her shoulder. His cock bottomed out in her pussy and he slowly pulled out. He buried it inside her again and Shannon closed her eyes and smiled.

Her affair with Leo was pure stress relief. They never made love. They always fucked. She most enjoyed being taken from behind. She liked that he fucked her hard, that he usually pounded her with incredible vigor. She liked that he was an alpha male and that he fucked like one. She liked that he'd fuck her even harder as he was about to cum, that his body would tense up, that he would release all manner of grunts and groans while emptying his balls inside her. She liked that he was the complete opposite of what Jack had turned into over the past handful of months.

"Is this what you needed?" Leo asked.

"Yes!"

Leo's fingers entwined in her wavy blonde hair and he pulled back. Shannon moaned as pleasure coursed through her body. She reached down and rubbed her clit as he pounded her. His balls slapped against her pussy with every thrust.

"Fuck...Leo...fuck me harder!"

They never fucked for long. It was always fast and furious. It was a quick release of her tension. It was a wild romp fueled by lust and the intense, naughty pleasure that comes with cheating. The guilt would follow after Shannon came, but her pleasure was always so overwhelming in the moment that she never thought about the comedown.

"Leo...fuck...I'm close!"

"Where do you want my cum?" he asked, though he knew the answer. He liked hearing her say it, though, and Shannon liked saying it.

"Cum inside me!"

They came together. Her thighs trembled so hard she thought she might fall over. Leo grabbed her by the waist and ensured she remained upright - albeit bent over - as they finished. His cock remained deep in her pussy as he climaxed and for a handful of seconds afterwards.

He pulled out and she pulled her panties over her pussy. She stood and turned around to see a hazy, utterly delighted smile on her face. She was certain she wore the same smile.

Shannon looked down at his stiff cock and saw it coated with her juices and some of his cum. She dropped to her knees and took him in her mouth. She swallowed him whole, a talent she'd developed during their brief affair. For reasons she didn't understand it thrilled her to clean him with her mouth after he'd satisfied her, like it was her way of thanking him for providing such a useful service.

"Thank you, as always," she said after sucking him cleaning and tucking him back into his pants.

"It's my pleasure, as always," he replied.

"We should go to the party."

"You should probably fix your hair."

Shannon headed for his bathroom and chuckled at the absolute mess her hair had turned into. Having a man grab a fistful of it while he pounds your pussy will do that, though, she thought to herself.

It took a few minutes, but she restored her hair to its pre-fuck state and they headed back to the bar.

The party was everything Shannon wanted it to be. She drank, she danced, she sang karaoke, she talked to her friends. Not once did she think about Jack and the overwhelming sense of sadness that had become a part of her daily life.

Shannon should have gone home after the party let out a little after midnight. She didn't, though. She went to Leo's. They fucked again.

This time they stripped. This time she gave him a long blowjob to get him excited. This time she climbed on his cock and rode him until she came. This time she rolled onto her back and told him to fuck her as hard as he could before he dumped another load inside her.

Afterwards, Shannon got dressed and headed home. She did her best to fix her hair in the Uber as she'd forgotten to do so at Leo's place, though Jack would almost certainly be asleep by the time she got home so it didn't really matter.

To Shannon's relief, her boyfriend was tucked into bed and sound asleep when she returned. It didn't take long for her to wake him up, though, as she was still a bit tipsy from the party and she bumped into the dresser and cried out from the pain.

"Shannon?"

She turned towards the bed to see Jack sitting up. "Yeah, sorry. I whacked my hip on the dresser. I'm good, though."

He smiled. "Good party, huh?"

Shannon nodded and reached back to unzip her dress. She struggled, though, likely thanks to the alcohol.

"Here, let me help you with that."

Jack got out of bed and rushed towards her. Shannon noted that he looked good in his boxer shorts and she felt a twinge of guilt for having fucked someone else twice that night.

"Thanks," she said as Jack lowered the zipper and helped her out of the dress.

She moved towards the closet but Jack grabbed her hips. He brushed her hair aside and kissed her neck. His lips were soft and warm and she leaned against him as guilt and unexpected desire mingled inside her.

"I'm sorry, Shannon," he whispered.

"You don't have to be sorry about anything, Jack."

"I do, though. I've had such a hard time with everything that I've been a terrible boyfriend recently. I should have gotten it together for the party. I should have been there for you. I should have gone out and had fun with you. You look so...you look so beautiful tonight and it's been so long since..."

He kissed her neck again and Shannon felt the beginnings of an erection press into her ass. Jack hadn't finished his sentence, but he was likely going to note that it had been more than a month since they'd had sex. Under normal circumstances that would have bothered her, but Shannon hadn't been suffering. Instead, she'd turned to a man that was everything Jack wasn't.

"You don't have to apologize," she reiterated. "You're going through a terrible time. You just have to take care of yourself right now, Jack."

Shannon turned her head and Jack surprised her with a kiss. A passionate kiss, in fact. It felt good. She'd always loved the way he kissed. She moaned as his tongue entered her mouth. She moaned a little louder as he cupped her breasts through red lace strapless bra she’d worn under her dress. She felt genuine pleasure as he slipped a hand into the bra and cupped one of her breasts.

Shannon spun around and lowered her boyfriend's underwear. She'd had enough to drink that she wasn't really thinking straight. All that mattered was the moment. She knew that Leo's cum was still inside her and that it would be insane to fuck Jack, and yet she wanted it. She craved it.

They kissed as she stroked his stiff dick. He pushed her dress to the floor and grabbed her ass. They moved towards the bed until the back of Jack's thighs hit the mattress and he sat.

Shannon was ready to get on her knees for her boyfriend. She was ready to suck his cock. She was ready to get him all worked up before climbing in his lap and giving him her pussy.

Then she saw the tears. One running down each cheek. For some reason, the grief had gripped him again.

"I'm sorry. Shit, I'm so sorry."

It was deeply uncharitable of her, but Shannon felt angry. Jack had every right to grieve, but he'd become a shell of his former self and he seemed completely unable to recover and she had grown increasingly impatient with his inability to make even a little progress.

"It has been a long time," she said. "Since you satisfied me, I mean. Too long."

Jack looked stunned, and with good reason. It was the first time Shannon had been anything other than completely supportive of his journey through grief. She'd run out of patience, though. It might have been easier for her if he'd bothered to find a job, but he was unemployed and grieving and damn near worthless to her and she'd had enough.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"That's not nearly good enough."

Again he looked stunned.

"I want an orgasm. Right now."

Jack said nothing.

"Get on your back in the bed."

His cock had gone soft, but Jack backed up into the bed and laid on his back. Shannon crawled on top of him and sat across his chest. She thought of Leo fucking her, of him cumming inside her. She knew what still remained in her pussy. She knew she might very well be putting an end to her relationship. She knew she was a terrible girlfriend.

And yet, for some reason, Shannon didn't care. She crawled forward until her pussy was over Jack's face. She reached down. She pulled aside her panties. She sat on his mouth.

"Eat my pussy," she demanded.

Jack's tongue parted his lips and probed her pussy. She searched for any recognition that he knew what he was tasting.

"Deeper," she said. "Get your tongue deep in me, Jack. Taste me. Then you can suck on my clit."

His tongue went deeper. His eyes went wide. He tasted it. He had to have tasted it. He moaned. He wriggled beneath her. Shannon sat on his face and clamped down on his torso with her feet and calves.

"Take it," she said. "Swallow it. Eat it out of me."

He offered a muffled protest and Shannon reached down and grabbed a tight fistful of his hair. She pulled hard and he winced. She grabbed a second fistful and began to move her pussy back and forth over his mouth.

"You deserve this," she hissed. It was unfair and probably untrue. No man deserved what she was doing. Shannon felt righteous, though. "You've had a bad run of it, Jack, but you quit on life. You quit on me. You quit on everything. You've turned into this pathetic creature just sitting on the couch and crying all the time. You're lucky I'm still here. You're lucky I still hold you and let you cry. You're lucky I haven't left you as most women would have. I know you loved your mom, but this is pathetic. Now clean my fucking pussy and suck on my fucking clit."

Jack stopped fighting. He did as she instructed and Shannon kept on riding his mouth. She felt an uncommon kind of pleasure as she did so. She felt it coursing through her. She tingled from head to toe in the most pleasing way imaginable.

"Fuck...Jack...you're gonna make me cum so fucking hard!"

Shannon came on her boyfriend's face. She came hard. She threw her head back and screamed in pleasure as she held onto his hair with both hands. She heard him groan in pain, but she didn't give a fuck.

When she was finished, Shannon climbed off his face. She laughed at the mess of cum and pussy juices she'd left behind.

Shannon backed out of the bed and headed for the bathroom.

"Wait," Jack said.

He was sitting up when she turned back to him.

"Shannon, please don't leave me."

She looked at him, but she didn't say a word.

"I'm sorry. You're right that I gave up. You're right that I gave up on you, on us, on life. I'll get it together. I love you."

Shannon crossed her arms. "I love you too. Or I love the version of you that I used to be with. I'm not saying you need to suddenly be the old you, Jack, but it needs to feel like you're actually trying to live your life. Grief is a motherfucker and I know that, but you need to get a job. You need to join a support group. You need to get out there. You need to start living your life again or I'm going to leave you."

"How long have you been fucking someone else?"

She smiled. "A few months."

"Will you stop?"

Shannon shook her head. "No, I won't. Not until you get your shit together. Get a job. Join a support group. Get a therapist. Get your life back on track. Until then, I'm going to keep fucking Leo. Now, though, I'm also going to sit on your face every time he fucks me and you're going to lick his load out of me until you get your shit together. Do you understand?"

To her surprise, Shannon's body hummed with desire. She'd never been so confrontational with anyone in her life and it felt good.

"Do you understand, Jack?"

"Yes," he said softly.

"You know what, get on your back," she demanded. Jack hesitated. "Right now!"

He got on his back. She strode towards the bed and straddled his face again.

"I'm going to ride your face again right now. I'm sure some of his cum is still inside me. You're going to lick it out of me while I use you like a dildo to cum. You can jerk off while I do it if you want. If you get any cum on me, though, you're licking it up."

She didn't give him a chance to respond. Instead, she sat on his face and took it for a ride while Jack masturbated. He did end up getting a little bit of cum on her leg and she made him lick it up, as promised.

Afterwards, Shannon took a shower. Halfway through her hand drifted between her legs and she masturbated to another orgasm while thinking of Leo and Jack and the fun she was going to have in the coming months.