Imago Ch28: Broken Reflections

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The bedroom door is already open, welcoming them back.

Lloyd stands at the entrance, the artificial light from the hall casting a shadow over the floor.  It's just a guest room now, but the ghosts of what it used to be linger in the scuffed corners and narrow window, the dusty bookshelf and its collection of familiar covers. 

"Can't stop things changing, I guess." 

The shadow splits as he walks to the window, leaving behind an angular, winged silhouette. Lyra hesitates at the threshold, her eyes shining in the dark, until he draws the curtains and flips on the light. She enters cautiously, squinting at the sudden brightness.  

It’s so strange to see her like this. Not as a dream, or a glamoured reflection, but here. Solid and real and breathing, blinking owlishly at him. Pale flesh. Extra arms. Feathered antennae. Midnight eyes.

She passes by like a soft breeze, crouching down at the low bookshelf. Most of his old books are still there; fantasy paperbacks and battered old fairy-tale compendiums, entomology encyclopedias and ant farm instruction pamphlets. Lyra slides one of the novels free and flips through the pages, her talons holding her place.  She’s so gentle, it's easy to forget she could spear straight through the cover.  

"Can you read it?” Lloyd asks, moving closer. 

Lyra shakes her head. She snaps the book closed, fixing Lloyd with a flat stare. "You didn't tell them about our illiteracy."

"Did you feel up for it?"

Lyra’s antennae quiver. She shrugs and glances at the wall. "You can tell them later."

"Later." He agrees, and takes the book, replacing it on the shelf with a little too much force. "...after you’re gone?"

Lyra takes a seat on the bed, tucking one leg under.  Plucking up a pillow, she holds it tight against her chest. Lloyd breathes in, surprised at how difficult it is to control his voice. "Were you going to tell me before you left, or just leave another note?"

“You're angry.”

“Yes.” 

Lyra stirs, a flash of eyes beneath a fringe of hair.  “The Wilds are dangerous - "

"I’m aware.”

“Then why are you upset?”

“Because I deserve a say in this!” Lloyd bites out. Part of him is unnerved to see her flinch, but there’s too much he has to say to take it back. “That first time and now! Stop - stop acting like this is just about you!”

Slowly, she unfolds, looking up at him expressionlessly. 

"Do you… wish I had not brought you into this?”

"That's…”  Lloyd fumbles, his chest tightening.  “I… how am I supposed to answer that?”

"That day with Marcus. When we burned our hands. If I hadn't been there, then…" Lyra trails off. As it does, some portion of Lloyd’s fervor drains away with it. He sits down heavily, pretending not to notice the careful way the nymph is watching him. Not as if he’s dangerous, or something she might attack. As if she’s…examining him. Studying, the way he had just studied her. As something unearthed. 

“That first day at the Market, when Astraea asked us if we’d be happier separate.  We told her no.”

“We said we didn’t know which parts would remain.”

“Exactly, so - “

"But L is gone. We know who is Lloyd and who is Lyra. It wasn’t the end,  and now we each have a choice." She grips Lloyd’s arm gently. "You could live like this."

“Okay.  Yeah.” Lloyd shifts restlessly. "Maybe.  It would be easier. Does that really make it better?" 

Lyra tilts her head, twitching her antennae. "...yes?" 

"Oh, well, thanks for that. Decision made, then.”

“You aren’t considering - ” Lyra starts, frowning dangerously.

“Of course I am - “

“No, you’re not.”  Lyra clacks her talons together. “If we become one again, it will not be like when we were L. The magic will be complete. There will be no part of me left in the dark. No part of you left in the light! We will be one thing, unbreakable. Undivided. Do you understand?"

"I understand." Lloyd says quietly. 

The two sit in awkward silence. Finally, he leans forward, folding his hands. “Is that why you’re against it? Because you’ve got your life back, just for you? I understand, I’ve only just been Lloyd for a little while, but you’ve got all that to lose - “

“No!”

Lloyd ducks back as Lyra hurls the pillow. It thumps against a framed picture of him - them - as a child, sending it tumbling to the floor. 

“You think backwards! I have had a life to be Lyra! You haven’t even had a year as Lloyd! You do not know who you are, who you could be, but no, you’ve already DECIDED.”

She glowers at him, her talons raised, her wings threatening to snap open. 

“Rushing in. Always rushing in. Like with Spencer. And Neith. And the King. Like with Astraea now! If you had just been more cautious- "

"Oh, like we've done my entire life?”

“That was different!” 

“Doesn’t matter! You’re going to lecture me on caution while you slip away into the dark? If you want to stay separate, just say it, I understand!"

Lyra lowers her talons, drawing them back against her chest. Her antennae lower. "I did not say I want to stay apart."

"You want to go to the Wilds without me."

"I want you to think of what you have. Your family. Ian.”

“I am thinking about them.”

“Are you?”

He glances around the room, thinking of all his parents had risked, had done for them. How long had it taken to pry every bit of iron out of the house? How many nights must they have spent wondering if something else would come creeping through the window? 

And Ian, following L into the Market. Giving up his normal life and putting his own neck on the line, jumping in the way of every danger they’d come across. 

Dangers that wouldn’t exist for Lloyd. 

He draws in a breath. Lyra leans closer, gripping his sleeve.  “Fusing with me…going to the Wilds. Is that fair to them? Pulling them into that world, when they have a chance to leave it?"

"Ian loves that world - "

“Ian loves you!"

Lloyd pushes her back, smiling nervously. "No… no, that’s not right. I-Ian doesn’t even know me. He loves L, remember? How special she was."

"He pulled you to him.” Lyra says, her voice granite-hard and unyielding. Only her eyes flicker, showing a twinge of hurt. “Not me. He carried you from the Market. He sat by you, he comforted you when we explained to Mum.” 

“ - Lyra, that doesn’t mean - “

“And how will he feel when you tell him how we both feel about Astraea? The real reason why you want to come with me to the Wilds?”

Lloyd goes silent, a chill creeping over his skin. Soft static builds in his mind as he imagines how Ian will take a truth that, of course, he has a right to know.  Will that, after everything else, finally be the line?

“I’ll…talk to him.” Lloyd rasps, sinking miserably back on the bed. Lyra settles down alongside him, both of them look up at the blank ceiling.

"He’ll probably insist on coming.” Lloyd says.  “Either way."

"He will follow you.” Lyra intones, her voice ringing softly. “You will follow me. And then..."

Lloyd closes his eyes and lets his attention drift, taking in the noises, near and distant. Traffic and shouts in the street, muted voices downstairs. Beside him, Lyra breathing softly, still and quiet. He smiles bitterly, realising that she’s doing the same thing he is, and turns to look at her. 

"Do you think you'd have a better chance without us?"

"Possibly." Lyra regards him with those huge yellow eyes. She leans up, balancing herself on an elbow. "You, in particular. You react. You fall into snares. The darkwood is my home. I’ll know better. So… yes.” She frowns. “We both would be safer."

"And then you - what, fight an army of dryads by yourself? Face down Alastor alone?”  Lloyd sits up, anger flaring within him again.  “You're pushing away help that you know you need - "

“That I need?” Lyra growls, her eyes hardening. She lunges upright, snatching Lloyd by the wrist and wrenching it with her, flashing the burning letters. Even though he can no longer read them, he instinctively knows what they say. “I do not need this help.” 

Lloyd trembles, struggling with the memories. He moves as if to cover the Kept mark - and then his hand flashes out, grabbing Lyra’s other wrist and dragging it next to his. 

Save for the names, the marks are identical. 

"So you and Astraea both chose this, then?” Lloyd says.  Lyra hisses and draws back. Lloyd tightens his grip. “Didn’t she say it wouldn’t happen?"

"We were forced. It was not her choice!"

"Was mine?"

“Fine!” Lyra snaps, wrenching free. “I was mistaken! I took a risk and it hurt me. I did not understand the danger! Is that what you want to hear? That I made a bad choice? That I should have stayed in the darkwood!?” 

“Do YOU feel that way?”

“I - “

Lyra falls silent, her face settling into an impassive mask. She draws away and gets to her feet, turning her back and pacing restlessly to peer through the curtain. The bed creaks as Lloyd stands. 

"Do you regret that first night you met Astraea?”

"Maybe.”  She says.  “Maybe that would have been better."

"Would you say that to her?"

Distant shrieks and laughter drift through the glass - children playing a few houses down. Lyra closes her eyes. 

"Lyra?" Lloyd drifts closer, settling by her shoulder. Her wing twitches anxiously. The way she holds herself, it’s strange to think of her as a predator. “Forget the rest of it. Just tell me why you want to go alone."

"I told you. It’s safer."

Her wing flutters again. Lloyd gives it a soft tug. "We both know this means you’re hiding something." 

"There’s nothing to say." 

“You can start by admitting you're afraid."

Lyra’s wings snap open, eyespots flashing. She grabs Lloyd by the shirt, slamming him against the wall. “I am of the dark! My heart is blood and brambles!” She shrieks, her eyes blazing. “DO I LOOK AFRAID TO YOU?”

Lloyd holds completely still.

“Moths only show their eyespots when they’re afraid.”

She shoves him again, her talons poised at his throat. "I’ve killed humans. I can kill you too.” 

"No, you won’t. Because you aren’t afraid of me hurting you.” He says slowly, cautiously.  "You’re afraid of me helping you."

Lyra lets him drop and backs away, her wings shivering. “Foolish. I don’t fear your help.”

"You’re good at being alone, aren’t you? You were fine until you met Astraea. And you were good until Alastor ruined it.”

"No.” Lyra clenches her hands. 

“That’s why you want to go alone. Because when you rely on others, they let you down.”

“Y-you're wrong."

“You only have your armour when you're by yourself."

“Stop!”

Lyra’s wings spread wide again, but her eyes are blank, and she’s wrapped her arms back around herself, trembling. With a start, Lloyd realises what she’s feeling. The same static that boiled up in his mind, just minutes ago. Carefully, gingerly, he moves closer, crouching down so he’s looking up.   

"Then tell me."

“I am…terrible… at being alone.” Lyra’s crystal voice breaks. She struggles for words and composure. "I was always... so hungry, and cold, and lonely. But whenever I chose to rely on someone, I always chose wrong. I hurt others. Others hurt me. Alastor.  Astraea. You.” 

She holds herself tighter, as if trying to keep herself in one piece.

“S-so this time, I rely on no one. This time I stay alone. This time no one gets hurt and no one hurts me.  And that way… that way you can finally live your life.”  She looks up, tears filling her amber gaze. “Why will you not just live your life?"

Lloyd’s eyes shimmer. Slowly, he pulls her hand into his, clasping it like a frightened bird. She’s awkward and stiff, unsure of how to be held, but she doesn’t pull away.

"I am living my life." Lloyd says, softly. 

"Why?" She chokes out.

"Because living isn’t just staying alive." Lloyd can feel her pulse fluttering beneath his hands. “It’s singing a song with someone I love.”

She tries to hold her composure. Her face stiffens, the wooden mask slipping back into place - and then it cracks, and she collapses into Lloyd’s arms, talons and tears. All the edges and points melt away as her wings sweep around them both. Sheltering them from the world.  Sheltering them for as long as they hold each other. 

Lloyd keeps her close until her sobs grow quiet. Until her limbs cease trembling. She draws away, wiping her cheeks with the back of her marked wrist. 

“So you’re coming?”

Lloyd gives a lopsided smile at the suppressed hope in her voice. 

"If you don't sneak out the window."

She laughs, a soft chiming sound slipping past her sharp little teeth. “What about Ian?  If he comes, and something happens - ”

"I know.  But… if we slip away and leave him behind, he'll never forgive us."

He can hear the agreement in her silence. Lloyd reaches out, clearing the last of her tears away with the sleeve of his shirt. 

Someone knocks at the door, hard enough to make them both jump. 

"Everything alright in there?" Mr. Morgan calls. "We heard raised voices."

"We're fine, dad. Down in a moment." Lloyd answers, standing and reaching for the door. He can hear his father’s footsteps, slowly retreating back downstairs. For a moment, his heart aches for the trust in the gesture. 

"Lloyd?"

Lloyd turns back at the soft call. The way she’s looking at him is… strange. As if she’s seeing him for the first time. 

 "Do you... really want to merge?"

"I...yes. I think so." Lloyd waves a hand vaguely at himself. "But..." He holds out a hand, smiling ruefully. "Let's give this a try a little while longer. Just so we can say I considered it."



There’s an expectant air as Lloyd and Lyra descend the stairs, stopping halfway down. The elder Morgans and Ian are still seated in the living room, looking up at them. Mrs. Morgan’s stare is piercing, and her fingernails tap against the side of her mug in a quick staccato.

"...hey, Mum." Lloyd shifts, watching her eyes follow him. "S...sorry. We didn't mean to worry anyone. Just had to talk something out. Everything good here?"

Mr. Morgan settles down next to his wife on the couch, leaning softly against her shoulder. "Everything good here.”

A painfully awkward silence fills the air.

Mr. Morgan coughs.

“A-and whatever decision you two have made, just know that we support you one hundred percent.  Assuming you… ah… you have made one, that is.  It’s alright if you haven’t!  I'm sure there's a conversation to be - ah, well, you were having a conversation, but perhaps a longer one - "

"We're coming too." Mrs Morgan interrupts, clutching her mug. 

Lloyd stiffens. "What? Mum, no."

"And why not?"  She demands.

"We’ll be emerging in the middle of the Wilds.” Lyra explains, reluctantly. “With too many, it will draw notice."

"I knew it.”  She snaps.  “I knew they were going.” 

“Sarah, we said we’d be supportive.” 

“I - “ She starts, then lets out a sigh of defeat. Her husband moves to her, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder that she reaches up to grip.

Ian stands, smiling lopsidedly, his hands jammed in his pockets. "Yeah? That's the verdict, then?"

"...it is." Lyra says. “But - “

"Ian,” Lloyd continues,  “can we... talk for a moment?"

Ian looks guiltily at the Morgans. "What? J-just the three of us?"

Lyra takes a few steps closer, hesitantly moving down the staircase. Mr. Morgan looks quietly at her, then nods and stands, helping Mrs. Morgan to her feet. 

"We'll leave you the room. Come on, love. Let's get you something a little stronger than tea."

She presses her hands to the side of her face as she stands. "Thank you, Daniel.”

They walk quietly away, leaving Ian standing at the foot of the stairs. Lyra takes a seat, half-crouching against the banister, Lloyd lingering on his feet.  

"Lloyd, Lyra..." Ian starts, looking anywhere but them. "There's, ah... something I gotta tell you too. So… who wants to go first?” 

"Go ahead," Lloyd offers.

“Yeah?”  Ian swallows.

“Yeah.”  Lloyd and Lyra both respond.

"Well..." Ian glances to the side, wringing his hands. "In all the commotion, I forgot to mention…Neith II. She...I-I couldn’t - "

"Oh - oh, shit. Shit!" Lloyd gives a horrified laugh. "I'm so sorry, Ian, I meant to tell you. She stowed away in my bag! There wasn't any way to warn you.  She was with us the whole time!"

"Oh, thank GOD.” Ian deflates, all the tension leaving him in a laugh. “I was so bleedin worried! But if that ain’t the most nibblemonster thing to do.  So she’s been having a lark with all of you?“

“I think she had the best time of anyone. She…” 

“Where’s she hiding, then? I saw some crisps we can nick from the pantry for her.” 

Lloyd opens his mouth to speak, but he can’t find the words.  After a moment of silence, Lyra moves closer, murmuring.

"She heard the Call.”

"What do you mean? She... ran off?" Ian asks, bewildered. Lloyd nods, his eyes misting. Lyra runs a hand along the railing. 

"She wasn't in the bag when we reached the portal."

"Ah, mate..." Ian murmurs. "I'm really sorry. I'm sure she'll be alright out there. It’s her home, innit?"

"Thanks, Ian." Lloyd gives him a sad smile. "Something must have meant a lot to her there. I know she'll miss bullying us out of crisps."

"Ah, hell…” Ian rubs at his face. “Something in my eye..." 

He breathes in slowly and looks back. 

 “Okay. Your turn.” 

Lloyd nods. He settles down on the steps at Lyra's side. She moves closer, resting a talon on his thigh. 

"The reason we're going after Astraea, the reason we need to get her back. It’s not… just… because she’s our friend.”  He feels the talon tense, reassuring and anxious all at once. Lloyd takes a slow breath.

 "... it’s because we love her."

Ian falls silent. His eyes go still. 

"So that means… you two and I, are…done, yeah?"

He forces the words out in a slow staccato, shouldering through the question. 

Lyra gets to her feet, descending the rest of the steps until she’s right in front of him.  He watches her uncertainly. She finds his eyes, and reaches to place her hand lightly over his heart.

"We love you, too.” Lyra breathes in. “In my culture such unions are not uncommon, but we know among humans this is…”   

"...we can talk about what it means." Lloyd says, moving down to stand by her side. "If it's...not what you want, we'll understand. But our feelings for you haven't changed, and we'd like you to come with us." He holds out a hand hopefully, looking up. "We don't ever want to be done with you."

Ian breathes in deep, looking back and forth between them. He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it again, shakes his head, and scoops them both into a massive bear hug. 

"D-don’t be daft, of course I'm coming. We've gotta save her, yeah?"

Lloyd grabs him back, laughing in relief, looping an arm around Ian's shoulder as Lyra's antennae flutter about his ears. He gives them both one last squeeze, then settles them back on the ground, studying their faces.

“And after…we’ll talk. We’ll all have a talk.” 

Lloyd grins back at him. 

“I’m sure it’ll be quite a conversa - “ 

The front door is kicked in, the newly-repaired lock torn completely free from the plaster. Neith freezes in the open doorframe, two heavy duffle bags over her shoulders, her booted foot frozen in the air and a guilty expression on her face. 

“D-dammit, force of habit.”  She whispers, landing and glancing around. “You don’t think they heard, do you?”

Something clunks in the kitchen. 

"That's Sarah taking the pan out!" Mr. Morgan calls cheerfully. Neith flinches.

"I-I’ll fix it when we get back!” She drops the bags on the ground, recovering a little of her composure at the satisfying thump. “Gather round, now. Your unseelie godmother’s brought gifts.” 

"Not full of snakes, are they?" Lloyd asks. Neith gives him a wicked grin. 

"Not today, lolly. Just a few trifles." She kicks open the closest bag, and a bronze helmet rolls across the floorboard. "For our welcoming party."


continue reading ->

 

Hey readers!

I have been looking forward to this chapter since DAY ONE of Chrysalis! A long overdue conversation they can finally have face to face. Hark and I loved teasing out the parts of L that were Lloyd and the parts of L that were Lyra. Leave a comment and let us know which you think is which :)

Be sure to check back Friday, March 20th at 12p EST to read Imago Ch29: Into the Dark. Hold onto your butts! It's about to get spooky.

And thanks again for reading!
-Rin