established naokai angst - patreon-exclusive stress doodle

the most cathartic thing about exploring your OCs is the ability to explore different issues and fragments of your personalities through them - writing kaien in my head always felt really conflicting because it started off as “hahaha kagehina definitely have adhd so kaien inherited it 100% but i should do more research to write adhd respectfully and accurately” before it descended into “wait what the fuck why is this all me”

…well guess who got officially diagnosed with adhd (combined inattentive and hyperactive type) on haikyu day by both her psychiatrist and psychologist :-) 

turns out it wasn’t normal to be so invested in an activity you forget to move, eat, drink or go to the toilet until it’s an emergency. turns out it wasn’t normal that you shut down or get irrationally angry when there are background noises so you prefer working thru the ungodly hours of dawn and develop chronic insomnia. turns out having 5+ routes of thought buzz in your head at the same time you can either entertain yourself 24/7 or zone out isn’t what everyone experiences.

turns out adhd was the double edged sword that made you have so much wonder hyperfixating on your countless interests, but was also what made you struggle a lot balancing work, school, and the relationships in your life.

it’s conflicting in the sense that i did not feel comfortable making it textually canon that kaien struggles with this bc i don’t like to explore choices i didnt have 80% confidence in being able to execute and understand well, but now i am much more comfortable about fleshing him out fully!

making kaien‘s adhd meet nao’s insecure attachment style is going to be a wild, wild ride. not pretty, but one of difficult and needed growth for established naokai! (note that in the canon storyline they’ve not gotten together yet, but i hope it partially explains why kaien could go for years without contact with nao and not realise that that much time had passed and he was just excited to reunite with him, not being able to understand that the gap in their separation makes nao want to keep a safe distance instead out of wariness)

i hope that you are all doing well and are at peace in your minds and sorry for this reflection vomit agfgafhaj I WANTED TO DOODLE SMTH FOR HAIKYU DAY BUT GOT DIAGNOSED ON HAIKYU DAY SO WHATS A GIRL GOTTA DO WILL DOODLE FOR HQ DAY BELATEDLY STILL, HAPPY HQ DAYYYYYY