future memories (video and backstory)

hello dear kg records family <3

i can't even tell you how much better i am feeling these days!! i am feeling so much joy and gratitude on a daily basis and sometimes i can't even believe it considering where i was a couple months ago. i'm finally getting back into the groove with things musically, too, which is great AND necessary, bc i just realized i better finish putting out my album before october rolls around and life becomes very very different! i've definitely got my work cut out for me these next few months :)

i am posting the below on my socials today but thought i would share it here as well for any of you trying to keep off things like instagram/fb/etc! (also, if that's you, high fives all around!)

much love and gratitude to you all. wowowow. xoxox

kina

-----

"future memories" post

in the early days of trying to start a family, i often let my mind wander and imagine what was to come—sitting with our baby in the sun, her amongst our family in the yard, jesse getting to be a dad. as the years went on, it became too painful to let these scenes in—letting in hope simultaneously let in a fear and pain so intense it was hard to stomach. so to protect my heart i built up strong walls between myself and that dream until i couldn’t even picture it anymore. sometimes i couldn’t even connect to wanting it, but something deep and quiet inside of me kept my compass pointed firmly in that direction. ⁣

"future memories" fell out of me one year ago during a time of incredible hope and incredible fear. we were weeks away from our first IVF embryo transfer. three and a half years of infertility building up to a moment where maybe maybe maybe this dream could be realized. for the first time in a long time, this song let me go there. the scenes snuck back into my consciousness and out of my mouth before i knew to stop them, and by the first chorus it all hit me and i broke down in tears. letting the hope back in was terrifying.⁣

⁣if you’ve followed along with our story, then you know that the transfer worked—we experienced a miracle pregnancy and for a short while we floated around in complete and utter bliss and gratitude and disbelief until we learned that we had lost it. the shock of such a high followed by such a low knocked us off our feet and we spent the next couple months grieving and letting go of our dream once again.⁣

⁣getting to release this song one year later, having mourned that loss, started over from scratch with IVF, wrestled with hope and fear some more and finally come to a sort of peace with the reality that this may never come to be, and now, being months away from welcoming our daughter into the world--it is surreal and incredible. this song was forged in a purely imaginary world, and now that world is finally merging with our actual lives. i couldn’t be more grateful. ♡