the lost demos continue... (patron-exclusive)

i found another lost song for you :) it's called "all you get" and it's from back in 2013. i think it was on my original list of 20-something songs contending for a spot on elements. i really loved this song, but sadly it never quite settled into itself. it went through several lyrical iterations but in the end it still felt like some parts of it didn't belong. it didn't come to me it its entirety in the first sitting like they usually do, so the holes i had to fill in later just never felt right.

but all that aside, it's still such a special song to me. if you've been listening to my music for some time now, i'm sure you'll see a LOT of familiar themes pop up from other songs of mine. it's funny how much of life is spent circling around the same issues and demons. working on them, making progress, then somehow staring them right back in the face again. come on, life!

for maybe one of the first times ever though, i listened back on the lyrics of this song and realized, WOW. i have actually come such a long way from the place i was at when i wrote this song! so horribly locked away inside myself, so paralyzed by my social anxiety, and desperately longing to tell the people i loved what i felt inside, but not knowing how. well, some seven years later, i have somehow made progress on these fronts, and i could almost cry realizing this. these feelings were with me for so much of my life, and it seemed impossible i would ever find a way out of these patterns. so grateful to feel a little freer within myself these days.

lyrics are below. hope you enjoy this little song :)

sending lots of love and gratitude to you all. 

xo

kina

p.s. new song "crawl" out next tues AHH

p.p.s. follow me on twitch to hang out on my next stream!

all you get

i wish my mother could know my feelings

when i can't find the words

i write it in a letter, scrawled out on pages

the million things she's worth

what i can't say could fall away

can you try to understand it's not easy

how i'd love to open up and just be me

oh and i want to walk away from this

start over again

but i'm stuck in this head for the moment

that's all you get

could i be crazy, just fearful maybe

how can i never learn

in honor of persistence i light a candle

and i end up with burns

have i forgot all that i'm not?

can you try to understand it's not easy

how i'd love to open up and just be me

oh and i want to walk away from this

start over again

but i'm stuck in this head for the moment

that's all you get