Sell you a Bridge chapter 173

February 13th 2011 The OZ 11:00 PM EDT

I  sighed as I sat next to the fire, rubbing the bridge of my nose. No one  was near me, they were all steering clear after they saw how pissed off  I was. Which was fair. I was pissed. I'd burned through thousands of  points fighting that possessed psychopath so they could get DG away and  they'd screwed it up. Now I was down to only five thousand points, not  to mention I fell for an obvious and stupid trick when I let Azkedelia  slip through my fingers. Part of me blamed me, part of me blamed them,  but in general I was just...sad. I'd tried my best to protect DG and I'd  fucked it up. So much for the new me.

It  wasn't even fair to be mad at Zee. DG had come up with her stupid plan  all on her own, I'd told her to protect the girl from enemies, not from  herself. It was just...she'd never let me down before. Not really. She  was my partner in crime, my badass magic girl, and I was so used to  feeling like I could count on her, hell count on everyone on my team,  that this was hitting me pretty hard. That wasn't fair, I knew it. I  knew she hadn't asked to be put on a pedestal, and that was just one  more thing for me to feel guilty about, which sucked worst of all.

"Penny  for your thoughts?" Dreamer's musical voice cut through my self pity,  and I looked up to see her standing there holding out a plate. I'd  pulled the camp stuff out of my spatial ring before I came over here to  sulk, so everyone was eating. They had been at the fire for a while, but  once the cooking was done they moved and I took up my current spot. I  took the food and started shoveling it into my mouth, as Dreamer sat  down next to me. "You're mad at them...but you aren't mad at me?Or even  Vykin or Serifan or Bear? Why?"

I  shrugged. But it was an honest question so I took my time to think  about it. "Because...because I didn't have any expectations of you guys.  You're not my team." I looked at her quickly to make sure she wasn't  offended, but she didn't seem to be. "I want to get to know you, don't  get me wrong. I'm also not stupid enough not to notice Zee's aura  getting stronger as you two spend time together, so I know she wanted  you with us for more than an admittedly fantastic regular booty call."

She  smirked. "Well thank you for thinking I'm fantastic, but yes. I've  been...communing with Zatanna tantrically, helping her learn to harness  and awake her divinity. My own nature is complimentary to hers, and  while we don't have your bond, it's been going well. She just didn't  want to tell you before we had results. I'm guessing you figured it out  before the first time we even had sex? She did say you can be  perceptive. Aura sight helps with that I imagine." She raised an eyebrow  at me challengingly.

I  just chuckled. "I won't deny it gives me a leg up. But to get back to  your question, I don't know you as well. As much as I would like to  someday, I don't count on you. It's not fair to put that pressure on  them, but I still do, in my head." I gritted my teeth. "But that's still  just me making excuses. I wanted to change, to be better, and I fucked  up and now I'm blaming them so I don't have to accept that I ruined it  myself." I kicked a rock into the flames furiously. "I'll apologize to  them. Thanks for talking to me."

She  burst into laughter. "Morgan. I have not talked to you. I said maybe  two sentences and you twisted yourself even further into knots. I would  prefer you not give me credit for such a dubious achievement." I winced a  bit at that, but a soft smile took the sting out of it. "What I was  going to say is that we can all see how you're trying to change. To find  direction in life. But what you seem to have missed, most likely  because of the frankly baffling nature of your abilities, is that  changing yourself is not SUPPOSED to happen with the press of a button."

I  leveled a guarded look at her and she put her hands up placatingly.  "Peace, no one told me anything. You are less careful with your words  around Zatanna, and she and I are often together. Your love for her  is...staggering, at times. As much as I believe my beauty is what  motivated your acceptance of me into your lives, I believe there is  little you would deny her. Though I suppose the same is true in reverse.  My point is that you haven't 'fucked it up'. You can't. Changing  yourself isn't supposed to happen overnight. It's about making the  choices you want to see, day in and day out."

That...that  was fair. But it was frustrating. I groaned. "I'm not good at slow. I'm  tempted to just take some sort of magic therapy with my power to fix  all my problems. But then I'd just be doing the same thing I am now.  Wandering aimlessly. I need a goal, and as stupid as it sounds, finding a  goal is still a goal." I quirked my lips at her. "You sure Beautiful  Dreamer is your real name? Patient Therapist seems to fit better. You're  easy to talk to."

She  giggled. "No. You are just hopelessly reluctant to expose vulnerability  to your friends. They see you as a powerful warrior, and part of you  cherishes that sense of trust. You're afraid if you share what you've  discovered about yourself they'll be disappointed in you. I'm easy. I'm  just your 'admittedly fantastic booty call' so opening up to me is  simple." She took my hand. "I don't mind though. In fact, I'm honored.  You're a fascinating man, and you sharing like this gives me hope for us  to grow closer."

I  gave her fingers a grateful squeeze. "You know, it occurs to me that  having you in our relationship might be more work than I expected.  You're all emotionally mature and shit. I know physically you're around  our age, but I also know New Gods age slower. You're going to drag us  kicking and screaming into emotional maturity aren't you?" She winked at  me and I busted up laughing. I felt...lighter. She was right, I was  rushing things. My power had me used to changing instantly and I'd taken  that for granted.

I  stood up, still holding her hand. "Ok then, I might as well go  apologize to my friends. I should also probably get to know yours. I  feel like I've been mostly ignoring them. Once that's done we can go  ahead and start planning to rescue DG. Somehow I don't think this plan  of hers is going nearly as well as she was expecting. Hopefully she  isn't so traumatized by it that I can't yell at her for being stupid."  We headed over to the large picnic table off to one side, where everyone  was sitting and eating in strained silence.

Their  auras looked...bad. Despondent and ashamed, and it made me ashamed that  I was the reason they ended up this way. When they saw me head over I  saw Zee kind of shrink into herself. She was getting it worst, not just  blaming herself for failing when she told me she could hang, but losing  her friend, who she'd been bonding with over the past fay or two. Zee  hadn't had many friends growing up, and she was fiercely protective of  the ones she had now. I'd been so caught up in my brooding I'd missed  that.

I  walked over and sat down next to her, releasing Dreamer's hand so she  could take a spot on the other side of our girlfriend. I put my arm  around Zee and looked at everyone. "Sorry guys. I was wrong to blame you  for what happened. DG made her own call and followed her gut, you guys  couldn't have been expected to see that coming, and it was dickish of me  to act like you could. I was pissy because I let her get away. She  pulled a stupid trick and I fell for it, and I put that anger on you  guys."

Zee's  aura flared with irritation. "No, you weren't wrong. You asked me to do  one thing, and I couldn't even do that right. You're always the one who  comes through in the end, who pulls some crazy power out of your ass and  saves the day. I was so wrapped up in wanting to prove I could keep up I  didn't stop to wonder if I actually could. Now DG is gone and who knows  what Azkedelia is doing to her and-" I kissed her, just enough to shut  her up, and when I pulled away I smirked a bit at her adorable glare.

Once  I was sure she wouldn't interrupt. "I don't think Azkedelia is going to  torture her. There's something weird going on with her and I don't know  what it is. But aside from that she needs that Emerald. I don't know  what the hell it does, aside from being absolutely positive she  shouldn't get it, but she's obsessed with it whatever it is. She won't  risk hurting the only person who knows where it is. She's shown that  when she can't brute force a problem she'll try to get her way through  manipulation. The good news is she's laughably bad at it so we probably  have some time while she fails at that."

That  drew a laugh from my girlfriend. "Honestly, Azkedelia is a problem we  don't need to deal with right now. Until we figure out what's going on  with her I'd rather just go around her. I'm doubting she's going to come  at me straight on unless she gets really desperate anyway, considering  how fast she rabbited during our fight. I'm guessing she won't straight  up attack again until we get the Emerald, and when she does she'll  probably try to set up some kind of trap for me or separate me from you  guys."

Of  course the Queen didn't know that I would eventually run out of points  if she kept whittling me down. Even with my passives I could probably  get away if she pushed me, but without a solid reserve I wouldn't be  able to dominate her like I had before. Luckily my daily intake was much  higher than it had been before, so I should be more than good. Not to  mention tantric sessions with Zee and Dreamer could top me up fast.  Still, the point remained that as I was right now I had the advantage  and she knew it.

I  turned to Cain. "So big man. Knowing we have some time to plan, how do  we get to DG? Where does Azkdelia hang her hat anyway? Does she live in  Central City?" Somehow I doubted it. Despots, from what little I'd read  of them, liked to avoid stewing in the consequences of their own  tyranny. That city was a dystopian shithole, and I doubted little miss  golden corset had any interest in soiling her dainty feet with the filth  of the gutters.

Sure  enough Cain shook his head. "No. She has a tower out in the  countryside. Nasty place from what I hear. There's a big hole in the  defenses though. She has so many longcoats it's impossible to keep track  of them all. Wearing a uniform can get you right through the front  door. As long as we don't get seen by someone who knows me we can slip  in with no trouble. We just need to get a uniform for each of us." As he  said that I grinned. We didn't need to do that at all. I had more than a  few ghost powers, and hadn't used them all yet. I had one in particular  that would be perfect for this. Time to try out my possession ability.