Chapter 13 (Bard)

Author's Notes: Anyone that read Halfwit Halfling might recognise this chapter. It introduces a key character and JP did an amazing job of it, so I didn't write it afresh.

Sitting up, I looked at my fellow prisoners. I heard snoring from Ozman while the prisoners beyond him lay on their cots, looking away from me. It wasn’t either of the two, I was sure. It was too early for me to lose my sanity: barely a day had passed since I arrived on Arena Disk.

I went to select the perk again.

“Seriously, that’s a bad choice,” the voice said again.

“Who’s there?” I whispered, worried that my time on Arena Disk was a psychotic episode or a Total-Recall-like scenario. “Please be real.”

“You’re not crazy.” The voice laughed. “Look up.”

There was nothing on the ceiling, no hole, grate or any other opening for someone to talk through. All I saw was the same rocky surface that constituted the walls. It looked like the goblin had only bothered carving out the floor and raising the ceiling where required. Even then, it was only high enough for someone of goblin height to traverse quickly. Full-sized folk like the Ozman would probably have to crouch to get through.

I lay back down and focused on the screen. Was it my conscience trying to stop me? I couldn’t find a reason for it to get involved. I reached for my selection again when a fingernail-sized spider rappelled through the screen.

“Do you see me now?”

A shrill, lady-like scream escaped my lips as I smacked the little bug away. Ozman didn’t stir but loud grumbling echoed through the dungeons. I was much too freaked out to decipher the words.

“Hey! That’s not nice!” the voice exclaimed. “I just want to talk.”

“Spiders don’t talk!” I hissed. I didn’t want my neighbours to think I was crazy. “You don’t have the brain capacity for speech, let alone vocal cords.”

“I didn’t think you were so small-minded.”

Was it making a joke? Whoever heard of a spider making a joke? I really was going insane. Then it was there again. My attack hadn’t dislodged the spider from its silken stand. Now, it swung back and forth through my screen.

“Look, if you just listen, I’m here to help.”

“Do a lot of people accept help from talking spiders?” I asked. I let the screen remain where it was. With its blue glow as a backdrop, I could see the spider easily.

“No, but you’d think in a world where gods walk amongst men, Cosmic powers are a proven entity and monsters don’t just inhabit myths and fairy tales, people would be more open-minded,” the voice answered. “I’m merely using this spider form as a conduit. A friend called in a favour, so I thought I’d offer you some help.”

“Why would anyone want you to help me? I don’t know anyone here.”

I jumped on hearing a soft meow next to my ear. It was Boots. As soon as I was upright, she jumped into my lap. She was a lot bigger than I remembered her. No. Boots was the same size. I was just smaller.

“No, I’m not saying that, Boots,” the spider said.

Boots meowed again.

“Fine. Miss Boots says you do her scritches just right. She wants to help so that you’ll be in a better mood when she visits for future sessions.”

Oh. She was the antagonist here. Boots caused all of this. However, looking at the cat and realising she’d brought a friend to help, I couldn’t stay mad at her. Or, was this some mind trick she had brewing? As much as I loved cats, trusting one felt like a bad idea. “Oh well.” Nothing I could do about it now. So, I scratched the top of her head, and Boots’ ears went flat. She closed her eyes and purred.

“Who’re you?” I asked.

“I go by many names, but you may call me Maka.”

“Fine then, Maka, which perk would you recommend? They both look pretty useful to me.”

“They’re all good,” Maka replied. “Just not what you need right now.”

“I know I’m new to this world, and the rules are probably different. But where I come from, you don’t accept gifts from disembodied entities or make deals with someone or something you don’t know. It never ends well in the stories.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not asking you to make a deal,” the spider said. “I’m repaying a favour. That’s all.”

Boots swatted my hand away. She rested a paw on either shoulder and stood in my lap. Then, looking into my eyes, she meowed.

“Fine.”

Facts Begin With Fiction: Your songs and stories soften the crowd. If your Charisma is sufficient, targets become more open to your truths and lies. Beings with high Perception may see through your attempts, but that won’t necessarily affect their willingness to accept your songs and stories.

“What good will that do me?” I was starting to get annoyed now. Sure, getting to pet a cat made me feel better, and I appreciated she was trying to help, but storytelling wouldn’t get me out of my current predicament. “I don’t like spiders. So, you need to leave now. I’d like to find my own way out.”

“What’s there not to like about spiders?!” Maka exclaimed, sounding shrill, like an excitable little girl. “You befriend one spider. Eventually, you’ll befriend us all. We are everywhere and very helpful. With eight eyes, we see more than anyone. We, spiders, are hunters, trappers, scholars, and dancers. Our lifelong dream is to become storytellers, but no one wants to read the webs we weave. So become a spider’s friend and accept my storytelling gift.”

Boots meowed at me again. This was insane. I really was going mad. Maybe a lifetime of atheism had been a bad idea. I’d died and gone to hell, and this was my punishment. My list of sins wasn’t short:

1. Premarital sex.
2. Eating more than I should.
3. Envying others for having more sex than me
4. Indulgence in the brew.
5. Regularly cursing pharmaceutical companies for not making male contraception as convenient as the pill or IUDs.

The list went on and on. This ordeal was my penance.

“Look. I’m in no position to convince anyone to listen to me, let alone sit through a whole story. So I’ll make this easy for you,” Maka continued. “You accept the perk, and I’ll rally the boys and girls. We’ll ensure you get your chance to tell your story and get out of this cell...”

“Fine, if you agree to help me until I’m safe and out of the city, I’ll take your word for it.”

“Very well.” The spider sounded annoyed. I don’t know what favour or debt it owed Boots, but I refused to let the opportunity go. Maka didn’t owe me anything, but Boots and Tracy certainly did.

Hoping I wouldn’t regret it, I accepted the perk. Unfortunately, it worked with Charisma as well. Hopefully, I’d get the opportunity to pick the other perks later.

Congratulations!
You’ve befriended a divine being!

Achievement unlocked!
Friends in High Places!
Charisma + 2
Dexterity + 1
Unassigned Attribute Points + 2

I added the extra point to Charisma as well. Given how freely Ozman had warmed up to me, I was keen to find out how far the stat would get me. I didn’t trust Maka. More so because it didn’t call me out for keeping its offer open-ended. I didn’t intend to leave the city straight away given my Pacifist trait and my ignorance of local geography. Leaving town wasn’t a particularly good idea. Hopefully, Charisma would help me avoid the law and find a secure way out.

Brawn: 2
—STR 1| VIT 3
Control: 7
—DEX 10| ARC 4
Wit: 11
—INT 6| CHA 16

Traits:
Coward’s Brand | Facts Begin With Fiction

Masteries:
Musician: Journeyman Rank 4
Mana Wielding: Novice Rank 1
—Mana Sense: Novice Rank 3
—Mana Control: Novice Rank 2

“So, what happens now?” I asked, only to realise Maka was gone. Boots meowed at me again. “You’ve got some interesting friends? That wasn’t a Cosmic like your bitch of a master, was it?”

Boots looked at me angrily and swatted me with her paw. Finally, I got the message: “Don’t insult Tracy”. I wondered whether she’d be mad if I ever moved against the Cosmic entity.

There was a chill in the dungeon. I could feel the cold radiating off the stone walls. Were we high up, or was it winter in the goblin corner of the world? I wondered if the jailor would be willing to get me a blanket. Probably sensing my discomfort, Boots snuggled into my neck. I welcomed her warmth.

The feline’s body heat and soft fur lulled me into a comfortable sleep. I dreamt of horrific scenes where Moreg put a ball gag in my mouth and led me around with a leash. Then images of her long warty nose rubbing against mine made the nightmares worse. I didn’t see her concubines but heard bodies writhing all around me while Dirk barked lewd authors.

Fortunately, Boots appeared in every dream and swatted Moreg whenever she got close. Then I’d find myself somewhere new, start off comfortably before my mind took me down another filthy path. Prison was the better option, though. So, I’d put up with the looming resks and trust my ability to talk myself out of the worst of situations. Besides, armed with the growing Charisma attribute and new trait, my chances didn’t look too bad.