How to Discuss Your Recent Bout of COVID-19

Missy and I had COVID, but are both feeling much better now.

We know where Missy caught it . . . at home, from me. We will never know for sure where I got it, but I strongly suspect a woman I rode near on an escalator. She appeared to be on her way to compete in some sort of wet, hacking cough competition.

“Carl Sagan’s Cosmos: the Marvel Edition” is not the only stunted fruit from my feverish, medicated brain. There are two other ideas I wrote down in detail. Here’s one of them:

“Six Million Dollar Van"

The pilot would be identical to the first episode of “Six Million Dollar Man,” but as Oscar Goldman looks at the horribly wounded and mutilated Steve Austin on the operating table, he says, “That man is an American hero. If he doesn’t make it ... I bet I can get a good deal on his van.”

Cut to the funeral, where Goldman badgers, and haggles with Austin’s grieving parents. He drives his new van away from the shattered family, looking very pleased with himself.

Goldman then spends six million dollars of embezzled taxpayer funds to make the van into the most ridiculous 1970’s “shaggin’ wagon” ever created. Yet, he has no luck drawing women. Each episode, he would come up with some new modification for the van (A wet bar, a dry bar, a salad bar, an experimental 9-track tape deck) that, in the end, doesn’t impress women at all.

The other idea is a single episode of a mismatched buddy comedy about coworkers who hate each other and have totally different approaches to their job. It is called “The Erotic adventures of Benjamin Franklin in Paris, as witnessed with disgust by John Adams, ESQ.”

I will not share the outline here, because it is the worst kind of filth.

I also wrote down the following three lines:

The Meyer Virus.

The Meyerus

Miley Cyrus

Whether it’s a poem or just madness, I leave to you to decide.