Overcoming The Paralyzing "New Project Fear"

Hi. :-) (TL;DR at the end)

It's been a while since I made an informational post about work and workflow, so please enjoy and excuse my rust.

Since finishing my second graphic novel project, Arden High: King Cheer,  I have been playing catch-up (or rather start-up) with my other clients. These were clients waiting on me to be free, essentially, free enough to work on multiple other books and book covers. 

I have this one picture book I'm illustrating that I was so excited to take on but have found myself extremely intimidated to actually start. 

My intention for today's post is basically to be really transparent about that feeling (WHY I was so intimidated and how the intimidation presented itself), as well as what I do to (try to) overcome it. I'm definitely no expert, and I struggled a LOT with getting started, but I think I have a few things that worked--like really worked, completely catapulted me into a more creative and determined headspace!

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Why I was intimidated: 

The book, which was announced but flew under the radar on my social media, is about the late artist Ruth Asawa, her childhood and young adult years during the Japanese American Incarceration, and her sculptures. 

The writing was presented to me as a long essay--not paginated (broken up text page-by-page). It's a serious subject matter, nonfiction, and gorgeously written. There was no suggestions for illustrations. I was given the manuscript, the trim size, and the rough page count. 

I struggled for the longest time with many aspects of this: I felt like I was living up to something big, a very meaningful project about a sculptor I admire, whose culture is only something that lived on the outskirts of my life as someone who had a Japanese grandmother, and a half Japanese father who never learned the language and was taught to be American as soon as he was conscious. 

And then I struggled with not just the story but the visuals. The writing was so good. I believe in my art, but I struggled with style for this book...how literal do I go? Where do I start? What if I paginate it wrong? How figurative/methaphorical is too metaphorical? What am I supposed to do if there aren't enough old photographs of Ruth's life for me to reference? 

The Slow Process of Overcoming It, In Order:

And slow it was. Hours and hours of just...Thinking. Researching. Planning. Gathering information and inspiration. 

The first thing I attempted to do in order to take actual action toward Actually Illustrating This Book was finish all my other shit. Get ahead on all my other shit. Due in July? Who cares, it's getting done now--just to have a clearer head for this picture book in particular.

I would read through the manuscript and try to do the math (how many chunks of text for 15 spreads?), usually attempting to split it up in a word doc by adding dashes or paragraph breaks. To no avail, in case you're wondering. 

So I printed it out. I took the pages out to my balcony, laid them all out on the table, put on some music, hunched over the table with a few colored pens, and broke it up. I tried to figure out what sounded best for page breaks, then would consider the size of the chunk of text, and how many pages I was supposed to fill. Did I feel confident? No. But I felt better. 

There was this one work-at-a-cafe day that I was determined would be THE DAY, the day I actually started sketching this book since the deadline was quickly approaching and I had spent enough time feeling sorry for myself. I spent my few hours at the starbucks sitting in front of the manuscript, opening my laptop, closing my laptop, and drawing things on procreate and quickly deleting them. 

Immediately after this I drove to the library and spent an hour checking out picture books that sparked something. I went to an indie book store (and walked out with nothing because this book store was really not doing it for me). I ordered a picture book I've been eyeing online. I watched online documentaries about Ruth Asawa and her work, even if I knew a lot about her already.

This was a start.

A few days later, still feeling a little discouraged and frozen with fear and indecision, I decided maybe it was time to change my environment. Make it all about Ruth Asawa.

Changing the Workplace:

It started with rearranging my room just slightly, moving a few pieces of furniture around, and removing some other mood board stuff I had taped on the wall above my desk. I told myself "no more cafes, no more library work days, until you feel in a comfortable flow with this book". Work environments outside of my Hole (my Room) felt too distracting during this phase. Once I move on to color finals, I'll be able to return to the cafe workday lifestyle (I'm writing this from a cafe right now). 

I printed out images of Ruth and her work, along with other artwork that inspired me tonally, or shape-wise or composition-wise. I put this mood board right above my workspace. I also moved the printer directly next to my desk so that I could print more and just grab it whenever I needed. Yes, I could make a digital mood board or a pinterest board, but having it physically in front of me just helped me out that extra bit. 

I made a playlist, songs that sounded like how I imagined this book would sound. I made the playlist one of Asawa's sculptures. I play this playlist over and over through my speaker or through my headphones as I work on the book--no podcasts, no TV shows.

The first page was the hardest, and as I do with many of my sketchbooks, I'm working out of order. I work on the pages that I can imagine imagery from first. I work my way toward the more difficult-to-imagine pages later, as I eventually warm up and get more comfortable with the style of the book. 

I'm only a few spreads in, but the progress is exponential. Each day I'm able to do more, imagine more, connect more with the style and feel of the book. The blend between literal and figurative is finally making sense to me. I'm abstracting, and I'm using literal imagery. I'm taking the words literally sometimes, and metaphorically other times. I can't describe how I make these judgements, because this project is more intuitive. Sometimes I take photographed reference for the bodies, other times I'm using abstract lines in a box to represent a body.

TL;DR for those who want a recap on things that helped me, or you didn't want to read the wall of text:

• Print out manuscripts for books you're working on and mark it up with colored pens and highlighters opposed to just looking at it on a screen

• Make a curated playlist just for the project you're working on, name it, give it a playlist cover 

• Go to the library, watch documentaries dealing with your subject matter, go to indie book stores and just browse, buy yourself books online that inspire your own project

• Rearrange or change your working space. Buy a new candle, have a regular drink you enjoy at that space, change out the lamp lighting situation

• Print out mood board images and put it all around you like a madman. Treat it like you're solving a crime and connecting the evidence with a red string. Surround your workspace with stuff that inspires the specific project you're working on.

• Don't start with the first page, work out of order. Pick the pages that jump out at you first, and work your way up to the ones that stump you.

For weeks I panicked, feeling like this project was out of league. I felt like I wasn't a good enough illustrator for the job. Now I feel like the project and I are one, weaving in and out, making loops and knots, just like an Asawa wire sculpture. 

Sending love, guys--see you in July <3

-JG