Tale #99: Bad at Puzzles

Tale #99: Bad at Puzzles (Content Tags: Fantasy, world building, diapers, humiliation, messing, wetting and leaking, brain drain, large cast) "This was the best you could do? Seriously? How is *this* fixing it? You said you put it back together!" "Sorry...I'm kinda bad at puzzles." Quite the twist of fate, to be left in the dull hands of a dimwit. One could hardly blame the poor fool for being unable to reassemble what had been shattered, but the blame could lay squarely at his feet for his buffoonery breaking it in the first place! Even if said buffoonery had been coaxed by a third party rogue. The Celestial Mind. A psionic construct that had ascended to the physical realm; it took a ninth level intellect to properly create it, let alone to use it to its full potential. Once it was brought into this world, crafted by a skilled psychic, then it could be linked with. This artificial brain became permanently tethered to its user's physical brain and consciousness. There were perks, but as everyone had a chance to now see, there were also some severe downsides. The benefits were: an increase to mental processing speed, strengthened psionic abilities, better defense against mental attacks, and most impressively at all, it was a 'back-up' of sorts, so not even physical death would be the end. The feedback loop was intended to mostly process from the real mind to the artificial one; all the 'data' to encode came from the physical brain, and the Celestial Mind was like an external hard-drive. However, to take advantage of the boosts, that also meant there had to be a flow from the artificial to the real. Users of this ability didn't typically have any problems with this. They kept their construct in a safe place, where it could only act as a benefit, rather than a liability. As it would turn out, if the construct were to be altered or broken, then that'd act as a mirror to the physical mind. That was the roundabout reason why Diver, a ninth-level intellect with an IQ of over two hundred, and the top 'mind-type' psychic in the guild, was currently drooling, diapered, and smelling of droppings. His Celestial Mind had been shattered and then reconstructed by someone who couldn't even solve a Rubik's Cube. "He looks completely out of it! Ugh, and what's that awful smell?" A young woman asked, pinching her nose at the miasma that wafted in the air. "Oh, I think he pooped his pants. He's kinda...Dumb right now." A boy replied, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "What?! He's *soiling* himself? Well, take him to a bathroom, before he makes a mess everywhere!" "Don't worry, he's wearing a pretty big diaper right now. I don't think he'll make a mess. According to Zone, the Celestial thingy has strong psychic juju, and that it must have made a diaper for him, to match his dumb-dumb brain. He was farting before you came in, so I'm pretty sure he took a huge dump in it." The scene was a strange one today in the guild, or particularly for troupe seven. Troupe seven was a junior team, and while they were given autonomy and some level of respect as peers as the adult divisions, there was still a sense of them being given the less prestigious assignments. When shenanigans such as the 'professional in a dirty diaper' thing happened, it was hard to argue that the discrimination was unwarranted. Sparky, the young electricity manipulator, had been the one to cause the current debacle. The boy had been playing around in a place that he shouldn't have been, and with a little unseen directing from another party, he'd stumbled into the podium where Diver had kept his most prized possession. Diver had become comatose during that time, with his brain activity completely suspended, but he'd booted back up when the Celestial Mind had been put back together. But, as was plainly obvious, he'd booted back up *wrong*. Sparky didn't have the talent, wit, or patience to piece the otherworldly construct back together correctly. His hope had been that Zone, another intellectual powerhouse on the team, could get things in working order before anyone else found out. Then Penumbra had to come in. The older girl had immediately noticed that Diver seemed off and that Sparky looked guilty as hell, which had ended with the boy admitting what he'd done. It was fortunate that they didn't currently have any assignments, but they could in a moment's notice, and they couldn't afford to be down a teammate. Especially when that teammate was Diver. While he might be farting and picking his nose now, he'd long been a vital instrument in the troupe's symphony. His powers and his knowledge on how to use them were unmatched, though Zone might arrogantly disagree. Each teammate filled a certain niche, and like everyone else, his power had been related to his namesake. He could dive, and he could dive deeper than anyone else they knew. Not into water, but into one's mind. Not only could he retrieve information with ease, but he could go as far as to control people's thoughts, feelings, and actions. Diver was young and inexperienced, but by the time he was an adult, it would be likely that he could become a member of Troupe one or two. If things didn't improve, those numbers might only relate to a different kind of future. The Guild has eleven troupes in total, with the lower the number, the better the status. One through three were the heavy hitters and they got the most important contracts; four and five were considered the 'standard' groups; six was for rookies and graduates of the junior troupes; seven through nine were the upper crust of juniors; ten was for rookie youngsters, and finally there was eleven, which was where the youngest or most inept of the juniors were placed. Placement was based on many factors, with age, experience, and potential being the most weighted. An incredibly small amount of teenagers or children made their way past the age brackets, with only a select incredible few finding their way past the wall of seven. Diver was good, but he'd still gotten stuck in the juniors based on his age. Still, Troupe Seven was the top of the juniors, so there was still pride to be had. "We need to tell Ember about this! Or maybe Chill would be a better choice..." Penumbra sighed, looking annoyed but also more than a little concerned. "No! Zone said he'd work on fixing things! You don't want everyone seeing him like *this*, do you?" Sparky gestured dramatically at the preteen to their left, who's hand was down the back of his shorts to feel his squishy diaper. The dimwitted pantspooper had a slobbering smile and he looked absolutely jazzed to be playing with the lumpy exterior of his plastic-backed pottypants. He got a sudden look on his face and grunted, a dry crackling sound filling the air as he further filled his pants with turds. Penumbra narrowed her eyes and they became like crimson daggers: "You just don't want to get in trouble. This is a *crisis*, Sparky. We can't just leave the captains out of it!" "Leave the captains out of what?" Came a voice from the doorway. A chill would run down their spines, quite literally as the temperature around them rapidly lowered. There was no mistaking who was responsible; it was the co-captain, Frost. The teenager was tall and lanky, with snow-white hair and glasses that often frosted over. While Ember was loud and passionate, Chill was stoic and stern. Between the two of them, they could equal out to one fantastic leader for the group. "Sparky lobotomized our genius." The black-haired girl immediately responded, feeling no loyalty to keeping up any ruse. "I don't know what that means, but I didn't do it!" The scrappy blond fussed. "It means you turned him into a moron with a full diaper!" She hissed, putting her hands on her hips. "Oh...Well, I guess I did kinda do that. It wasn't my fault though! See, what had happened was..." Elsewhere, one other member of the troupe knew what was going on. How could he not? When Sparky had come crying about breaking Diver's brain, it had been he who had calmed the boy. It was him who told Sparky how to fix things. It was him that had set the events into motion in the first place! Zone had been stuck in Troupe Seven for a long time. It'd been over six years now! The teenager had been so talented, that he'd gone from ten to seven almost immediately; at the time, he'd been the youngest to reach seven! He'd been nearly nine when it'd happened. But year after year, he was denied the ability to break into the next bracket. He was extremely talented, but apparently not enough to get around the age parameters of the Guild. For a while, that was okay with him. He'd never had the leadership skills to become the captain, but he'd been the prodigy of the troupe, and undeniably the smartest! He had been the only one in the troupe who could craft a Celestial Mind, which usually only became typical starting in the fourth troupe. Then Diver had happened, two years ago. While Diver hadn't beaten Zone's age record, he had quickly broken any other ones. Much like Zone, he'd been promoted to the sevens immediately, but unlike Zone, he was a total nobody! The Guild was infamous for a certain level of nepotism and 'legacy' admissions. It wasn't purely self-serving nonsense either, since it was far more common for psychic potential to be higher in offspring of users. Many of the most accomplished members were people who could trace back their lineage through the Guild's ranks. Diver hadn't had any links, he had no history with the organization. He was just some kid that they'd accepted off the streets for his raw talent. It was an affront to Zone's pride, and to the good name of his family. Still, Zone could have been content to just resent Diver, if not for the rumors he'd heard about Diver being promoted to the sixes soon. He didn't know whether or not that was actually true, but the very thought made him seethe. It was unacceptable, and Zone wouldn't stand for it, not for a moment. That's why he'd tricked Sparky into playing where he shouldn't, and that was why he'd used his powers to make sure that the artificial brain got smashed. Between his remote viewing and telekinetic prowess, it'd been child's play to put this all into motion. The gravy on top was having Sparky put the thing back together, knowing how inept he'd be at doing so. It'd been even better than he'd imagined, when he realized that Diver had been reduced into a bumbling idiot with a thick diaper under his pants. It was like poetry to take the brat down a few pegs. Still, it was a temporary pleasure to partake in; he'd told Sparky that he'd look into fixing it, and even if he wasn't being sincere, *someone* would take it upon themselves to right this wrong. If he didn't take further measures, then Diver would eventually get put back together correctly, and he'd be right back where he was: getting ahead of Zone. "Zone! Zone! Have you seen my sister?" Came a squeaky voice approaching him. It was one of the other thorns in his side. The baby brother of their esteemed Captain Ember: the aptly named Puddles. While Diver had beaten Zone's IQ score and psionic aptitude, it was Puddles who had beaten the age record for making it to Troupe Seven. Puddles was barely *six*, which was unheard of at this rank; like his older sister, he had crazy potential, but he currently lacked control... In more ways than one. Diver wasn't the only one in diapers right now. Puddles, as his name would suggest, wielded the power of hydrokinesis. In terms of raw power, he was on par with someone in Troupe Five, but he lacked the experience and focus that allowed him to properly channel his abilities. Worse yet, his powers had the fitting downside of tanking his bladder control. He'd never had a dry night, and he rarely had a dry day either. He was the baby of the group, in more ways than one, but he was still a valuable asset. When his manipulation over water was properly realized, he was one of the stronger combatants of the team, while also having a wide array of utilitarian feats. "No, I haven't seen her, sorry. You got a leaky diaper or something, squirt?" The teen raised an eyebrow. "N-noo!" At least not yet anyways. "Riiight. Well, don't look so embarrassed. Turns out you'll be sharing that diaper pail with someone." Zone laughed, ruffling the boy's hair. "Wait, really? Are we gettin' a new teammate?" "Not exactly. Let me show you something." With how green the tyke was, Zone knew that Puddles probably had no idea what a Celestial Mind was or what its function was. He considered this to be a valuable learning experience, and it might also be fun to give an explanation on the mechanics at work before he dropped the bombshell about Diver. Zone kept his own amplifier in a much more secluded and secretive spot than Diver had. It was in a subspace pocket that was attached to his room; without knowing it was already there, it'd be extremely difficult to locate. The entrance was through a mirror on the wall, but it only became open as a pathway when given the passphrase. With how young Puddles was, Zone didn't think the little boy would remember the complex series of words in the phrase, especially with them being in Latin. Into the ethereal plane they would go, and in the small subspace room was a podium where he kept his Celestial Mind. "This is like a copy of my brain. Anything my brain knows, this thing knows. If something happened to my brain, then this would store a backup. Are you following?" The little boy gawked at the shimmering 'brain' before him and he nodded his head slowly. "Wow... So shiny..." Zone chuckled again, "Yes, it is... When a psychic is powerful enough, and smart enough, they can make one of these. You ever heard the phrase that 'two heads are better than one'? Well, it's true. With an extra brain, my powers are even stronger!" "Cool! That's why you're so tough! What's that gotta do with what you said about diapers though?" Puddles tilted his head. "Don't get your Huggies in a twist, I'm getting there. Look, if something happens to *this* brain, then it also hurts my real one. Now, the only other person on the team that has one of these is Diver; he wasn't very careful where he put it, and Sparky accidentally knocked it over..." "Oh no! Is Diver okay?" "He's not hurt, but his brain isn't normal right now. You know the story of Humpty Dumpty? Well, Sparky didn't do that good of a job in putting Diver's brain back together, so now he's a little...Dumb." Zone found it difficult to use such juvenile methods to convey what had happened, but Puddles looked to be following. "Dumb? Like...Bad at adding and subtracting?" "Yeah, sort of. He's more like a big baby right now, and so he's wearing diapers too. At least until we can figure out how to fix him up." Puddles looked amused, and then a little offended, "H-hey! Diapers don't make you a dumb baby! That's like calling *me* a dumb baby!" Zone resisted the urge to openly mock the little brat or roll his eyes, and instead opted to stroke the tyke's ego. "Sure, but only a baby does number two in them, right?" That got those big eyes to open as wide as saucers, "He's POOPING himself?!" The teenager hadn't been around to see that part, but he could assume that was the case. With how disfigured the Celestial Mind had been after reconstruction, Zone knew that shitting on the toilet was far out of Diver's mental abilities. "That's right. He's pooping his diapers and drooling on himself. Sounds like a dumb baby to me, am I right?" "Ewww! Hehe, yeah! Diver's supposed to be super-duper smart, but I bet I'm smarter than him now! I don't dookie on myself like a stupid poo-baby!" Zone would lead him out of the sanctum and Puddles giggled the entire time. It really was too bad that the little boy didn't have a Celestial Mind of his own, because Zone still held a grudge about the tot poaching his record. Then again, maybe there were other options he could pursue in the near future. "I think you should go find your sister, squirt. Your shorts are soaked." All that laughing had been too much for the poor diaper, and now the boy's shorts were getting wet. Much more and he'd really be living up to his name. "O-oh no...I din't mean to do that..." "Of course not. Now, I don't want you to tell Ember about any of this. At least not yet, okay? Hopefully I can fix things before she needs to know." The soggy-bottomed boy nodded his head and began to waddle off in search of his sister. Zone just shook his head and grinned; he knew that his little teammate had just as leaky of a faucet for a mouth as he did for a bladder, so Ember would very soon be discovering what had happened. This would benefit his cover though, making it seem like he cared for Diver's dignity. In truth, Diver's dignity wouldn't be spared any hits. While Zone was a genius, he had the strangest feeling that he would suddenly not be very good at puzzles either.