Tale #71: Saint Padded Day:

Tale #71: Saint Padded Day: (Content Tags: Wetting, messing, diapers, age regression, mental age regression, science fiction, lighthearted) Andy was sick of it. Every holiday that his roommate could justify as a drinking holiday was to be considered a day of total release. Fourth of July, New Years, Halloween, Labor Day...The man had even gotten a few pints of cider for arbor day, as if such a thing was just 'what you did'. Patrick, his roommate, wasn't an alcoholic or anything. He drank on the weekends, but not usually to any excess, and he didn't appear dependent on the brew to get by. It was just holidays where he amped himself up enough to think that it was an excuse to get totally trashed without appearing irresponsible. If it was just a normal amount of drinking, then Andy wouldn't really mind it, but it wasn't a normal amount. It was complete binging, from dawn to dusk, and it left Patrick passed out by the end, with some new stain on their apartment carpet to worry about. The worst of these holidays were St. Patrick's Day and Oktoberfest; the German celebration was still many months away, but the Irish one was today. The first thing Patrick has done, once Andy had come out of his room to make some coffee this morning, was to offer him some 'Bailey's Irish Cream' to put in his mug. After a plain refusal, Patrick hadn't seemed to have gotten the message, and switched his offer to being 'Kalua'. "The holiday is named after me, bro! You know I gotta go all out!" The man was pounding green-dyed beer by noon and was already beyond the point of just being buzzed. It was absolutely obnoxious, and Andy couldn't help but look at him as if he was an oversized child. It didn't help that Patrick had gone down for an afternoon 'power nap' and pissed on the couch in his drunken slumber. Andy probably would have been more forgiving if the circumstances of their relationship was different. They were both in their late twenties and had been rooming together for about seven or eight years; they'd gone to the same college, and while they weren't super-close friends, they had at least come to amicable relations as roommates over the years. Andy had been fine with rolling his eyes and letting all these holiday benders going uncontested, but that had been purely predicated on Patrick being a responsible roommate. After the honeymoon phase, the man had showed his disheveled nature and things had been on a downward slope. Leaving dirty dishes and clothes wherever he pleased, leaving the television or the lights on at night, keeping odd hours that interfered with Andy's job, being late on paying bills, playing music too loudly, eating food that didn't belong to him...The list went on. If there was a 'bad roommate' bingo card, then Andy would have hit it by year three of living together. So why had he continued to put up with it? Well, that answer was a little more complicated. They had started their lodgings in college, just based on an advertisement on the campus billboard about seeking a roommate. Andy had been more laid back in college and Patrick had been a little more diligent, so the gap hadn't been as wide yet between them. Past college, while looking to enter the workforce, Patrick had actually stepped up and helped supplement Andy's rent for some time. Patrick was a barista all throughout his time at university, and with how niche his degree had been, he wasn't exactly drowning in options for a full career after he had graduated. So, while Andy put out applications and toiled penniless, Patrick was holding things down. It was that way for nearly a year. Then Andy finally had an interview that went somewhere and he had started working for a biomedical company in the area. With his annual salary, he easily could have put a down payment on a house and split away from Patrick, but he felt like he owed the man. If he nullified their lease together, then he knew that Patrick wouldn't be able to afford to live this close to his job (which by this point in time had gone from barista to bartender.) He also considered that it might be hard for Patrick to find another roommate who was as patient as he was. On his own end, Andy liked where their apartment was set and had no interest in trying to move. He wasn't dating anyone or planning for any kids, so having the extra space of a house just seemed wasteful in this urban environment. He'd come to enjoy the local color of this district and his commute was very manageable with how centralized the location of their apartment was. The cherry on top had come earlier in the year, when Patrick had his hours significantly cut at his job. Now it was Andy that had to help out with bills and the baseline expenses of living in a city like this. Andy had tried to gently nudge Patrick to look for a new job, or better, get back to searching for a career that would suit his degree, but it was like pulling teeth. So Patrick was spending more and more time at home, and he was becoming even more slovenly than usual. It was all and all like living with a man-child and Andy was losing the patience that had made this arrangement possible for so long. With things looking like they'd be messy to deal with, no matter what solution he sought out, the choice would be made for him once he saw the couch get soaked. Andy left a note and went out. He knew that Patrick would likely be asleep for a couple of hours, and that gave him plenty of time to put things into motion. The biomedical research he was involved in was always in need of precious field data, and this looked like a situation where he could kill two birds with one stone. He'd had today off, mostly since he knew that he'd end up having to babysit his drunk roommate later, but nobody seemed to bat an eye at one of their star scientists coming into the laboratory. Andy's department was fully invested in rejuvenation research, and they'd concocted something that was truly promising. The problem was how difficult it was to get the 'okay' for human trials and past that would be further legal hurdles that would keep this miraculous drug at least a decade from public release. As unscrupulous as his particular company was, it would be of marginal benefit to get an 'unofficial' human subject; it wouldn't speed up the channels that mattered. To that point, it would at least mean that he wouldn't suffer any penalties from doing what he was about to do. His company would look the other way and consider Andy as a scientist that took the risks that were needed for progress. Cameras may have been everywhere in the building, and Andy would be on them all, but no accusations would ever be made. It was a quick trip. Into the laboratory and into their secured fridge that stored samples of their little miracle. He put the test tube in his pocket and left the building as casually as he'd come in. Andy would run a few more errands afterwards, to grab a few other things he needed, and then it'd be straight back to the apartment. Patrick had woken up at some point during Andy's absence; the couch cushion had been liberally sprayed with Febreze and flipped over, which was the groggy man's idea of a solution. Andy shook his head and went to put his bags in his room. He felt the vial still in his pocket and decided there was no time like the present to take command of things. "...Hey! You home, dude? I was thinking of ordering some pizza, but I'm a little strapped for tip money, you think you could spot me?" Andy heard his roommate call out to him from across the apartment and he shook his head. If Patrick wanted to be an immature moocher, then he would have to do it from a justified position. The scientist exited his room and came into the living room to meet with Patrick. "Sure, man. I'll order us some pizza, don't worry about it. You have plans for tonight?" Patrick looked like he'd recently showered, and he was freshly dressed in some casual threads. With hands lazily stuffed in his pockets, he cracked a tipsy smile at his roommate. "That's rad, man. I really appreciate it. I'm probably gonna pre-game here until ten, and then I'll head over to Murphy's for the celebration; you should come! I can score you free shots and shit." Andy was wholly unsurprised by the breakdown of things. It was the same every year: get drunk at the apartment, go to the bar where he works for the annual party, call Andy to come pick him up, and then pass out in a puddle of either piss or puke. It'd been charming the first couple of times, in a youthful hedonism kind of way, but it'd long since become embarrassing. "Same old plans, huh? Well, then I'll get us our same old pizza order. Throw something on TV and I'll go make the call." The next few hours of the evening were standard fair for the holiday. They watched basketball, they ate pizza, and they drank some brews. Andy made a few playful jabs at his roommate about not getting so wasted that he wasted his pants, and each time he got laughed off. Andy would just smile each time with that knowing grin. Nine came quick. Andy had been conservative in his intake, so while buzzed, he wasn't clearly drunk like Patrick was. The other man was still pretty lucid, as his tolerance was actually admirable, but his faculties were gummed up enough that Andy felt confident to make his move. "Let me get you a refill, dude." He offered, taking the tankard and heading off to the kitchen. In went the beer, and then the green food coloring, and then finally the contents of the vial that he'd snuck out of his workplace. Andy stirred it up and smiled, and then he poured himself another beer without the special ingredient; he still put the green dye in and stirred it up with the same spoon, since it *was* St. Patrick's day. "Why don't we toast the holiday? One more before you walk over to Murphy's." Andy handed his roommate one of the glasses and the two clanked them together. "Here, here!" Patrick announced. Both men shot back their mugs and took in the bitter beverage; the foam settled on their lips and stuck comically to their facial hair. With the chugging complete, already it was looking like something was happening to Patrick. "I feel kind of dizzy, dude..." "Just sit down. You probably just drank too fast. Close your eyes and try to relax." Andy offered, putting his empty tankard down and going to fetch his supplies. Patrick did as he was told and tried to get comfortable on the couch. He couldn't see what was happening with his eyes shut, but he could feel that something was off. It felt like his clothes were getting looser on him, and his whole body felt hot and tingly. "Something really doesn't feel right..." Patrick groaned, his voice already beginning to shift into a higher pitch. Andy came back into the room with a bag full of things. From where he stood, he could already see that the youth tonic had gotten to work on Patrick in a big way. The man had shrunk down to preteen levels and was losing more of his size with each passing moment. "Don't worry so much about it. I'm just helping you skip over the pretense." Andy replied, starting to take some items out of the bag. "Pretense? What are you talkin' about?" Patrick slurred, opening an eye to see what all that rustling was. "Every time this holiday comes around, you want to act like a giant toddler. You end up pissing yourself like one too, because you can't moderate your intake." "...Are those diapers?" The large Huggies on the coffee table were indeed diapers, and they were placed right next to a bottle of powder. Andy grinned, "Yeah, so don't worry about passing out on the couch again; this time you'll be covered." It sounded like a bad joke to the shrinking man. Those were diapers sized for a three year old after all, and Patrick was rounding the corner on being thirty. "I'm pretty sure they make adult diapers too." Andy shook his head, "Those would have been way, way too big for you." "So you gots sumfin' too small?" The drunken slurring was turning to infantile slurring, and Patrick had gone from tween to tot in a matter of minutes. "These should be a perfect fit for you." Andy demonstrated what he meant and was suddenly lifting Patrick off of the couch from under the arms. The boy had been swimming in his clothes by this point, so they all slipped from him and got left behind where he had been lounging. It felt like a bad trip to the newly-minted tot, but as Andy laid him down on top of an open diaper, it became all too real. "Buh? How you...?! Why you so big?!" Andy got a chuckle out of that. He decided he would explain things more fully while he powdered his roommate and got him taped up into the fresh pair of Huggies; every resentment and every sordid detail. He explained how this had been a long time coming, and how his company would appreciate the unofficial human trial that Patrick would present. Andy pulled a green diaper cover on over the crinkly garment and patted the shamrock that adorned the back. "You already depend on me for everything, and I already make enough money for your piddling little paycheck to not be missed. You practically already live like a toddler anyways, and it's not like this is permanent..." That part was something that Andy was less sure of. Their trials on chimps had been inconclusive; some of them had progressed back to their original ages pretty quickly, while some were still reduced to a state of infancy. For a human subject, it would basically be a coin flip, but it wasn't like Patrick needed to know that part. Putting a shamrock on his roommate's tush was not the end of playing dress-up; Andy had gotten several different holiday-appropriate outfits, because he hadn't been sure what age that the boy would be left at. For the same reason, he'd gotten a few different sizes of diapers too! "Whatta 'bout da party?" Patrick whined as a green top hat got put on his ginger curls. "Hmm. I don't think they let babies into the bar. That's okay, we can keep the celebration going here! I'll even pour you a drink; now that you have some protection, you don't have to worry about making another stain on the couch." Andy snickered. Patrick sulked while Andy went to go get him a 'drink'. The tot was taking this pretty well, probably due to the fact that Patrick was still inebriated from his earlier consumption, and because Andy had implied this was a temporary little prank. Andy came back with a bottle for the baby and grinned as he handed it over. "You get clumsy when you're drunk, so this should help with that..." "Real funny." Patrick furrowed his brow, but he took the baby bottle anyway. It at least looked like another beer, but he'd quickly find that it was instead apple juice. "Appwe joose?!" "It'd be pretty irresponsible to give a baby some beer. You can have as much juice as you want though; really cut loose." His roommate teased. "I'm going to get my camera; you look hilarious." Andy added, heading back to the kitchen to get his phone. The man began to feel strange. His body was getting warm at an alarming rate and a tingle was covering him completely. Had he drank too much? Or was there something else going on? He got his answer once he got to the counter and felt his pants fall off of him. He looked down at his bare legs with wide eyes; he must have been exposed to the drug too! His thoughts whirled with how that could be possible, but then he recalled how he had stupidly used the same spoon to stir both their drinks! It didn't take much of the drug to become effective, and just that little bit had been enough... Andy tugged his pants up and shuffled awkwardly back into the living room, barely able to keep them up with his tiny hands. "Ummm...There's a problem..." "You tuwn into a baby too!" Patrick gawked, pointing a chubby finger at Andy's diminishing physique. "Y-yeah, I messed up..." He squeaked nervously. Suddenly, he felt a warmth spreading down his legs, and to his horror he realized that he'd lost control of his bladder during the panic. "Eww! You pee-peed! Gonna make a stain on da' cawpet." Patrick mocked, toddling over to the package of diapers on the coffee table and giving them a tap. "Gotta put one'a deez on!" Oh, the cruel irony of it. Patrick was right though, for more than one reason. His bodily function was clearly affected by the regression, and the stuff he had bought earlier was the only stuff in the apartment that would actually fit him! So he could either dress like a toddler, or be totally nude... Andy sighed and got to getting dressed. He hadn't regressed quite as far as Patrick had, so he had to open a larger pack of diapers to have undergarments. With his roommate's help, he got them on, and then the only outfit that would fit him (and still be a little tight) was a festive onesie. While Patrick had been helping to dress the larger boy, he'd also been starting to cut some especially nasty toots in his diaper. Andy kept making disgusted quips about the flatulence, but Patrick just played it off as being a natural product of chugging beer and eating pizza all night. "Yeah, but that means you got da' beer shits!" Andy accused, and before Patrick could deny it, one of the farts took a splattering turn for the worse. "...Uh-oh. Dat one mighta been poopy..." He admitted, putting his hands on the back of his diaper cover and feeling the warmth he'd made. "Ugh, great. Peein' your pants was one thing, but I didn't think that *this* would happen..." Andy groaned, pinching his nose and scooting away as another sloppy volley of filth sputtered into the tot's Huggies. "You made me a baby! You shoulda know dis' happen!" **SSPLLLRRRT!** It was true. Even if this was going to be a temporary thing, Andy should have expected that he might have to deal with some dirty diapers because of it. He sighed and looked down at his ridiculous onesie. "Yeah, okay, so da' plan isn't perfect. My company won't be open until tomorrow, so we gotta wait to fix it..." "Din't you say dis' tempo...tempo..." "Temporary?" "Yeah! Dat!" Patrick squeaked, bottle still in hand as his eye squinted and more hot poop bubbled loudly into his diaper. The repeated loose soiling was quickly becoming a problem, as evident by the brown stains beginning to slowly form on the back of the boy's 'shamrock pants'. "...Well...Uhh...It might not be.." Andy replied, bashfully putting his hand behind his head and looking away from his stinky roommate. "...Whuh?!" "I can fixxit! I pwomise! Fiwst thing in da' mornin...!" The scientist was becoming nearly as baby brained as Patrick! **BRAAAAAPP!** The gurgling deposit cut the tension in the room, but it hadn't come from Patrick this time... Andy's onesie suddenly sagged with a hefty weight, much like his optimism about their outcome was sagging. This might not have been a good idea.