CWD: Sewer Skewers ~ Sixteen

Nacho ignored a steady stream of intrusive thoughts pressuring him to get back into combat while he sliced up a pound of the goat meat from just shy of fifteen feet away—remaining in the relative safety of the wagon’s shadow. A satisfying *cha-ching* rang through his head as twenty-two credits came pouring in. The Goat Cheeses were level eleven, which seemed pretty low, given the fact that they had ninety-three Health Points. “These aren’t cows… why are they so beefy?”

Crossbow bolts whizzed into the sky, arcing downward to drop one of the Goat Cheeses. A cloud of arrows simultaneously streaked into the air, dropping Robin Deadbreasts out of the sky like a feathery hailstorm. Brie didn’t like that one bit. “Where did all those arrows come from? They were angled toward us!”

From the shadows of a tree emerged a knight in black armor, visor pulled down, holding a very familiar two-handed sword. It seemed that Kala had found her Death Knight armor, and Nacho cursed softly when he realized that he had forgotten that it allowed her to hide in the shadows like an Assassin.

Kala slew a Goat Cheese with a whirl of her blade and a shockingly loud shout. The last goat remaining went down under Myron’s knives as he appeared out of nowhere to ram the blades into its stinking rind. One by one, they began picking off the wounded monsters, both on the land and in the sky, taking the credits for themselves instead of allowing the Chips to finish off the beasts.

A throng of Sunrise Brigade guild members emerged from the trees on the other side of the road. Twenty players at the very least, all in armor, with their choice of bows, crossbows, swords, or axes. Those who didn’t have weapons had hands glowing with power—mostly Warlocks, though there were likely Elementalists and Illusionists in the mix.

Nacho stayed hidden behind a wagon wheel, still slashing at his meat and gathering credits from the herd of dead goats with every usage of his Skills.

Reuben finished hugging Abby and drained a water bottle gripped in his big gauntlet to start the process of regaining his Mana. Brie was eating whatever Nacho had left her, chewing furiously as she prepared to fight against these opportunists. Kala struck a pose in the middle of the battlefield, sword dripping feta cheese, and looked around with a grim stare. In a challenging tone, she shouted, “Who’s in charge here?”

Reuben held up his index finger as if to say, ‘hold on. I’m drinking’.

Kala’s eyelid twitched, and she pointed her sword at Brie. “I think I recognize you with the hammer. You were with the Satiation Player. Isn’t that right?”

Brie likewise held up a ‘hold on, I’m eating’ finger. Hers was not the polite index finger that Reuben had used, and it was decidedly less diplomatic.

The System fired off a message that revealed that even it wasn’t sure how things were about to play out.

Well, Player! Active Combat seems to be over, but it looks like your two guilds might rumble, like an old-timey street fight. You are on a road, which is kind of like a street, so we’ll keep Active Combat and Active Cooking on. No Store and no Regens unless you agree that you aren’t fighting, or a good amount of distance appears between the groups. We wanna see this play out.

That annoyed Nacho. The Juxtaposition was such a pain, and it wasn’t the first time he’d seen the Patrons keep Active Combat up in hopes that people would murder each other. Myron’s husky voice called into the stillness, “Where’s the cook? He must be around, since something called Active Cooking is on. I figured he’d be back at Armor Mountain, making his usual slop for the masses?”

Kala turned his helmet to take in all the guards of the caravan. “I don’t see Old Bill or Mayor Dan. Did you kill them?”

“Of course we didn’t,” Taye called out righteously. He wasn’t necessarily pointing his bow at anyone, but he had an arrow held to the string. He maintained a ready position on top of the wagon, Kristie right next to him drinking some terrible grape Juxta-Ade. She’d be very thirsty after her Death Blossom attack had cleared the air—it took a full fifty Thirst Points for that particular magic attack.

“Fine, don’t want to answer that one? Let’s try this on for size.” Kala slowly let her sword dip out of the air; a cynical portion of Nacho’s mind told him that she likely couldn’t keep it in the air any longer with her basic characteristics. “What’s in the wagons?”

“If you actually wanted answers or a happy conversation, you probably should’ve asked before you started an ambush, riling beasts to attack us, and then stealing credits when it became obvious that we were winning.” Nacho came clattering out in his full Sunday Brunch Armor, including the pot on his head. He bent down and hacked another hunk of meat off the goat, refusing to lose a single credit because of this dirtbag guild. The fact that it was intimidating as all get out to see him easily remove and toss around half of the animal at a time was just a small bonus. Hooray for inflated stats.

“We didn’t shoot the arrows,” Myron insisted, the claim ringing more hollow than an open cavern with a single bell in it.

Brie turned to pull an arrow out of the wagon and tossed it up to Taye. “Is this one of yours?”

“Not one of mine,” the kid casually confirmed. “Also, some crossbow bolts are stuck in the wagon right here. Real hard to use those in a bow and shoot at myself. I’m assuming they’re from the crossbow guy trying to hide in the leaves over there, wearing bright blue armor.”

Crossbow Guy had some very nice armor, a mixture of leather and lacquer painted sky blue, and was hefting two crossbows that he suddenly was trying to hide behind his back. The weapons seemed to have reloaded themselves—that was a neat trick. Nacho didn’t see Kala’s father, so this wasn’t the entirety of her guild. Or had she sent others forces to sneak up behind them?

Taye had the same thought. “I don’t know what you’re planning, Kala, but we have people keeping an eye on the forests around us. The minute I see anyone, I’m shooting to kill.”

Laughter rang from Kala’s helmet. “Who are you, teenage archer? I’m not sure I remember you. I know those three… hammer girl, fashion disaster, and the cook.”

“As if you don’t remember Taye, the person who kept your sorry behind alive when you first got here. Also,” Reuben plucked his travel horn out of a Storage Slot, noisily slurping on the frosty root beer and letting out a massive belch. The cheesy man sucked another mouthful of the liquid down before deigning to speak. “It’s Mr. Fashion Disaster to you, Kala. Are we going to fight? We’d get more credits for killing humans than we would for killing Tier one smelly goats, which sucks, but I think we can take you.”

For now, the cook kept cutting meat even if he was out of the Mana he needed to remove the Putrid Mana. No one took particular note of his butchery, though Myron slid out of another shadow to point and snicker. “We found the cook! No need to ask around anymore. Friend, you have the most bizarre armor I’ve ever seen. A pot? Is that a skillet on your back? I guess that’s one way to haul around the tools of the trade, but…”

At that moment, Nacho seriously contemplated attempting to dice the unibrowed rogue with a little Advanced Ingredient Processing, but he wasn’t going to be the one to draw first blood. He’d spent enough time killing people in the Probability Vision, and he’d sworn that he’d be a lot less bloodthirsty this time around. Still… that promise only went so far. ‘Less bloodthirsty’ was relative.

“Hello, Kala.” Nacho loudly took over the conversation. “You started a guild. Judging by the armor and weapons you've acquired, you’re doing fairly well. Good for you. We’ll even let you keep the credits you stole from us. Consider it an offer of goodwill. Now, what do you want?”

“The Dragon Spear wouldn’t be in any of those wagons, would it?” Kala’s abrupt question hung in the air like a crystal ball, tantalizing the mind and filling both groups with tension.

The strained silence was instantly shattered as Nacho started to laugh. Through all of it, he kept processing meat, not even bothering to give the Death Knight his full attention. “There’s no way to answer that question in a way you’ll believe. Even so, I will tell the truth. We don’t know where the Dragon Spear is. Frankly, you’ve been in the game long enough to know that the Juxtaposition is going to get chatty when someone finds the spear. That alone should be enough to prove that no, we don’t have it. Even so, if you’re wondering what’s in our wagons, all I can say is that we’ll butcher you if you try to force your way in to find out.”

“Correction!” Reuben thundered, using those big lungs of his to maximum effect. “You’ll try to fight us, then we’ll go on the offensive and annihilate every last one of you. We’re not gonna make the first move, but we’re ready to defend what we have earned. ”

Brie Combat Dashed to stop within five feet of Kala, freezing in place with her hammer raised before anyone could react. She could have quite clearly brained her target if she’d wanted. It was quite the dramatic gesture, and it cemented the fact that if the Sunrise Brigade wanted to test them… their Guild Master was going to pay the price before anyone else did.

In the end, Kala and her people were far too reticent to enter into a battle with people and not monsters. It was more likely that the arrows and crossbow bolts they had fired from the safety of the trees were an attempt to intimidate the Chips Guild into simply rolling over, since, as far as Nacho could tell, no one in the Chips Guild had been killed. Still, the cook knew better than anyone that once a hunter managed to tenderize their prey, there was no way it was going to become tough meat again. A single show of weakness would have turned them into a target forever.

Nacho threw some salt and pepper in a few of his team members’ faces to get them out of their current frame of mind. He had plenty of experience with combat situations, and he fully understood that once people realized how they were acting, there was a good chance they would practically become a different person. It didn't take long for the first of them to start sneezing, begin noticing the sharp weapons pointing and being pointed, then shift into shamefaced grimaces.

Reuben sipped his root beer, cool as a cucumber. “Kala, Myron, Crossbow Guy. I’d suggest y’all mosey on out of here.”

Kala’s big sword disappeared, and she raised the visor of her black helmet. “We’ll go. But remember, we helped you with those Goat Cheeses… and the Robin Deadbreasts. Remember that. We will.”

“Nothing like ‘saving’ us from your ambush.” Brie’s laughter could only be described as the textbook definition of sardonic. “All we’ll remember is that you didn’t jump in right away. You waited until we wounded most of them, then you poached credits from us. I’d say we’ll remember your ‘help’ perfectly, and we’ll make sure to ‘help’ you the same way in the future.”

“Just stay out of our way. We’re going to find that Dragon Spear, and next time, we won’t play nice.” Kala slammed her visor back down, but not before Nacho saw her face distort with rage. She turned and walked into a shadow, vanishing too swiftly for it to be natural. The rest awkwardly retreated back into the forest, and it wasn’t clear where the other guild would go from there.

The System appeared incredibly disappointed in the outcome.

Aww. No big dance battle between the Chips Guild and the Sunrise Brigade? Just some saber rattling? Boo, boring. Anyway, Active Combat is over without anyone murdering each other. Have fun shopping and enjoy your Health and Mana Regen!

May your future be delicious!

“I cannot believe you used the word ‘mosey’ in a serious situation.” Brie was whispering loudly into Reuben’s ear. “You are ridiculous, and I love you.”

Nacho kept processing meat for another fifteen minutes, needing to take several long breaks in order to regenerate Mana, eat, and drink as fast as he was able. He managed to wrest two hundred and forty-two credits from the goats before the remainder turned to an inedible gooey cheese-whiz Putrid Mana puddle.

Stretching his back to get the kinks out of bending for so long, he smiled at his now-full-health guild members. “Well, we have a feast to dig into. We could eat here, or we could take the wagons back to the cabin. We’re definitely going to need someone to act as guards after that, though. I volunteer Bill—sorry, Scrubz—and the others that haven’t shown up yet. I don’t trust that Kala is going to just let this drop.”

As the others cheerfully nodded their agreement, Brie walked up to him and waved her hand toward an area no one was standing near. “Nacho, you and I need to talk.”

“Some of my least favorite words in the world when they’re put in that order,” The cook grumbled, though he followed his friend without hesitation.