Bahamut's Light: Chapter 21
Added 2022-08-17 00:25:33 +0000 UTCIn which Arcturus is thrown to the court to be used as a political weapon. Also, a draconic plan gets tossed into action. One full of blood, and gryphons wearing drag.
Comments
Part 2. Yet the crimson knights that bound his arms seemed to care very little (remove bound arms as that makes him look guilty when he's a witness) Under the cloud of silence Arcturus was dragged before the collected host, forced into a sectioned off area with a stool with a sapphire cushion. (Suggest removing dragged as he's suppose to be a witness) only setting up what would be the dagger in whish their wielded (which they would wield) Final suggestion, to make it appear Arc is helping more willingly I recommend going back to when he was nabbed and having someone lure him into a secluded place to get nabbed.
Cryodrake
2022-08-27 16:55:28 +0000 UTCThey told of Dreadflame, and how he ravaged Entis that frightful night. It painted Arcturus as a broken man, of misery and no direction. It changed when he’d met Veledar, doing what was right instead of killing the dragon as he was ordered. (For a group who brought this court case up so quickly and with no internet it surprises me how much they know on Arcturus. Either they have the most through and fastest investigation team or it kind of feels like they know more than they should know. We the readers know how broke Arcturus was but not the average citizen. Also you have it written where Arc didn't kill Veledar, was that him thinking that or was that the court saying that? Suggestion, either make Arc appear good but broad like his military career and not killing Crimson Sky or make Arcturus grumble or something realizing they must have listened in on Skywing and him and are using that information against him now.) (Does Arcturus not get a lawyer or representative? Or is Arcturus just a person who's word is being used against Nivra? Because right now it feels like he's on trial when in reality it's Nivra. Suggestion: if Nivra is the real person who's on trial I suggest 1. Have a representative in her place to defend her and 2. Have Arcturus come in but kept to the side intitially, not in hand cuffs as that says we dragged him in here against his will, and then called upon as a key witness a hour or so later.) (Who's the true judges, is this a grand panel of judges or is this a jury trial? Also suggest adding a 5th person, courts rarely allow an even number least they end in a tie.) waving her hand to a whole slew of the second batch, sending them and the first face first to the floor as though they were magnets caught in a field. (Suggest rewording this. Maybe something like, with both wave of guards disarmed she waved her hand at both batches sending them each face first into the floor as if they were magnetized) “Don’t worry.” She winked, “That detail is working on resolving itself as we speak.” “You do?” He couldn’t help breath a sigh of relief, his prayers had been answered. (That's an odd response from Arcturus, you do? It's like imagine the response was used like, don't worry the sandwiches will be delivered soon. And Arcturus response was, you do. Suggest changing his response to, it is.) So…Now that they wailing in pain… (they're instead of they) “They try and bar the door.” (did you mean, they barred the door? Need to look at what you meant here) letting his pawfalls (pawfalls? As in his successes?) Such an insidious chapter from guard, I suggest maybe adding something like them accusing Nivra of weapon testing the mechanical dragon on struport. I enjoyed how the gryphons got one of the guards flustered and wants to see the gryphons later on. But I like how sneaky the guard is and seeing other magic items like the scroll appear as cool additions to the world.
Cryodrake
2022-08-22 14:24:47 +0000 UTC
