Emperor's Shadow: Chapter 25
Added 2022-03-08 21:23:26 +0000 UTCLyndis has to recruit a dragon to help her, lucky for her, Revaramek is just one such beast!
Comments
To have her mental faculties snatched away by the cruel mechanizations by Tiamat. (of instead by) “You showed me this to fly me there.” (i think you meant so instead of to). As she traced the shadow like scales of the dragoness above, admiring the galaxy of stars in her wings, she couldn’t help but feel a nagging sense of dread. (up to you on this one but maybe change galaxy to field of stars. Not sure if they knew what a galaxy was back then). Lyndis leaned against the wing, only speaking in a hushed voice, wanting nothing more than to comfort this troubled soul. “Back in Struport, there’s a boy, one who’s lost so much, even more. You remind me of him in a way, he trains with my friend Arcturus.” (ok so this part kind of broke the flow of the chapter. It felt less of a slow reveal to the fact Axton was alive to just a hard right turn into it. I suggest changing it so maybe Lyndis asks about Infinitys son thinking hes a wyermling only for infinity to then mention how he was a human she adopted and then Lyndis remembers how she ran into a human who said his mom was a dragon and then let them piece it together from there. That makes it feel more natural of a progression then just, hey there was this kid i remembered.
Cryodrake
2022-03-12 00:08:09 +0000 UTC
