VIDEO GAME CONTENT!

Behold: a rare video game-related post!

Given I’ve got some downtime… I’ve treated myself to an Xbox Cloud Gaming sub. I’ve asked for an Xbox controller for Christmas – because I’ve always loved those pads – but for now I’m making do with a PlayStation DualShock. It works fine.

I was one of the few people who was tentatively positive about Google’s ill-fated Stadia – not for the quality of the available catalogue, but just for the sheer fact it worked. And I can never begrudge how they handled its failure – refunding everything I’d ever spent on it.

Now having spent a day or two with the Xbox offering… it’s clear how anaemic Stadia was. I mean… it’s £14.99 a month, and I’ve been playing Halo Infinite, the new Indiana Jones, Stalker 2, Microsoft Flight Sim, Power Wash Simulator. It’s overwhelming – there’s SO much on there for less than the price of Netflix. Full triple-A games! So many that my trousers fell down! And, again, it just works.

In an age where playing any new game for the first time can take hours of installation, patching, and blood transfusion... why would anybody faff with physical media? Yes, I know, you like to collect your games, you big bunch of nerds. I get that you could lose everything if the service shuts down, but for those of us who just want the game experience, and not fill our house up with stuff, it's well worth the money. I mean, a genuine bargain.

I’d particularly forgotten how much I enjoyed the Halo games… and how much the story and narrative elements set my teeth on edge. They’re SO badly written, so full of cliches, and weird tonal shifts that just don’t work. It’s like Mr Tumble showing up in Oppenheimer, or a recent episode of Doctor Who…

If anything, it seems more jarring now than in the older Halo games. The enemies are more annoying and Smurf-like than ever, spouting witless, back-of-a-beermat, nonsense; Jar Jar Binks on helium.

The new Cortana replacement is irritatingly preppy, somehow managing to under-mine every single moment of gravity, while the rest of the game remains resolutely po-faced, puffing up its chest with its proclamations of potent and delusions of epic-ness.

I’ve had some behind-the-scenes insight into how Microsoft and 343 Industries, or whoever is shepherding the series, are protective of it… genuinely believing they’ve created a universe with the depth and breadth of something like Dune. But Dune written by a 13 year-old, who’s dreamt up fanfic in which Alvin And The Chipmunks are trying to wipe out humanity, and everyone else thinks they're in a Michael Bay film.

It’s truly, profoundly, risible, and annoys me no end. In gameplay terms, it’s SO clever, and in narrative terms it’s beyond stupid. 

Also, the vehicle handling remains abysmal – not least now because the open world in Infinite is maze of boulders, crevices and narrow paths, so you just kind of roll around everywhere. It’s easier to just walk (or use the new grappling hook thing) to get around. And yes, the locations are overly familiar, and still somehow repeat as if in an effort to pad out every single mission.

But... the combat is great, the battles feel gruelling in a good way, and the gameplay loop is deeply satisfying. I just wish it didn’t think it was telling a better story than it is.

End of gaming content!

OTHER STUFF

Digi-wise, we're also using this time to work out what we're doing in January. I think we know what our next three videos will be. If any of you can help us on the topics of pigeons, clowns or fish and chips... please let me know. Maybe you own a fish and chip shop? Or a circus? Or you race pigeons? Or know somebody who does. Just putting it out there.