"Purely Anthropologically" Part 2

After reaching the point of talking to each other daily, one evening Kallista casually informed you that she wanted to really hone in on making some new music. You were encouraging about it, even after she warned that she might go quiet for a bit, not respond as fast. That falling off the face of the Earth for a bit was part of her process. And as understanding as you tried to be about the whole thing, it’s been radio silence from her for about two weeks now. And you miss making fun of trash tv with her. You miss watching her pig out to the point of bursting. You miss her.

But then again, she did warn you. So it’s not like she ghosted you. At least, hopefully not.

Besides, exactly who are you to get in the way of her creative endeavors anyway? So maybe she needs to be wrapped up in her own headspace. For the sake of quality. And her art. If you truly would like to see her flourish, you should give her time & space when she asks for it.

Still, it doesn’t make you feel any better about any of this. It’s torture frankly.

That’s why you picked up on the first ring this morning when she finally called. It was so good to hear her voice.

You got so excited when Kallista suddenly invited you over for a personal listening party. Thrilled she’d let you be the first to hear her new stuff. She very desperately wants to play it for you, & seems very interested in your opinion in particular.

And as much of an honor as all that is, more than anything, you just look forward to seeing her again, above all else. In fact, it seems as if all this creative break has done is prove to you just how infatuated you with her you’ve become. Even if you are still just a bit timid to just come right out & say as much. And it’s driving you wild. Partly out of just how undeniably cool she is, partly because as skinny as she was when you first met? She had begun to show signs of softening up. And it has been driving you mad.

You worry you might appear a little too eager, sneaking out of work a little early. But you got done sooner than usual, & admittedly, you are fairly eager to see her. Picking up the XL, double cheese, sausage & pepper pizza from Picolo’s on the way, her favorite, might appear a little too tryhard. But you’re already standing in front of her door. It’s too late now.

She seemingly runs up to the door after your knock. And answers with her hair pulled into two low ponytails, wearing a short cropped tanktop. It doesn’t just emphasize or accentuate the soft bit of muffin-y flesh bulging out around the waist of her skin-tight black jeans, your eyes seem magnetically pulled to it. A byproduct of all that eating she has been doing whenever you two hung out. And locking herself away in her apartment these past weeks has only certainly seemed to help. Well, help from your perspective anyhow.

Wait. What are you talking about? You know her too well at this point. She’s far too present, & cunning for any of this to not be intentional. While there might be a surface level coyness, this all very much has to be on purpose. With a clear intent. She’s going out of her way. Trying to be cute. Specifically or you. 

And yet, as obvious as it all seems, how transparent it all is? You still cannot help but fall victim to what it is she is doing. Like a rabbit trapped in headlights, you simply freeze & stare directly at this micro layer of flub she’s packed on. And the way it seeps out over her snug denim. It all just tugs on your eyeballs like tractor beams.

While any other girls might be self-conscious about sporting a new bulge of belly fat, Kallista catches you peeking & lets out a giddy little giggle, almost a little triumphantly. As if her little scheme worked. Like she feels as though she accomplished what she was trying to do. But then again, who knows. Maybe it was just from the sight of the pizza box. Either way, the next thing you know is that she’s grabbing the box with one hand, your now-free wrist with the other, & quickly whisking you inside without even a word.

In her place, things are dimly lit by some scented candles working overtime to keep things from being too dark, & frankly just a little musky. But in a girly way. Like she might’ve been slightly lax on her chores since you were last here. She clearly has not been leaving the place much lately, but did try to straighten up the clutter as best she could. Make an effort, albeit a last minute one.

After carefully setting the unwieldy pizza box down on her meager kitchen table, she launches herself at you, arms wide.

Is she… going in for a hug?

“I’m sorry! I feel terrible, hiding myself away from you like that,” She frets, squeezing you tightly. “I really didn’t want to seem like a flake. But inspiration struck. Hard. And… I was having all sorts of feelings & needed a bit of time to process everything. And distill it down into what I was working on. Gain a broader perspective," She leans away just before shock subsides & you gain full function of your arms to hug back. “You were very instrumental with a lot on this one by the way. Like I’m sorry if this is super-mushy, & out of character, but- your boldness? Being who you are? Liking what you like? Not giving a fuck about what others think? It’s what I’ve really admired about you. And it was the impetus for me to try some new things here with my work. So I really can’t wait to hear what you think!”

“Um… wow…” you manage. If what she's saying already isn't indicator enough, the way she’s talking a mile a minute lets you know that she missed you too. And while you still might have a hard time determining exactly why, you're happier to find your feelings to be mutual. "Thanks…?” She leads you to her futon next, sits you down, & presents her fancy stereo, studio, over-the-ear headphones to you. "Oh. So you want to go right into it?"

"I'm sorry, is it too much? I just... I can't wait to hear your impression!" She recoils slightly. You’ve never seen her this excited before. But there’s something tempering it slightly. An anxiety? Is she worried you’ll hate it or something? Or that she is maybe coming off a little overbearing? You jump to assuage her concerns.

"No no! Please!" you insist. "I'm excited to hear this. And more excited by how strongly you seem for me to want to hear it." She beams & places the headphones on over your ears for you. Excitedly, she spins on her heels to race back over to her laptop. Her slightly wider hips inadvertently sway not too far from your eyeline & you can't help yourself to take in the view. She really has rounded out quite nicely from that night on the fire escape. Still nowhere close to fat. But softer for sure. And something about her confidence to dress the way she is? Let it all hang out?

“Ready?” She asks. You cup your hands over the headphones & nod with a wink.

The moment she hits play, you find yourself immersed in an auditory wonderland. There’s a lot of ambient synths rising & fading in atmospheric builds. The tones are warm, bright swells with a vague edge of mystery to them. But welcoming all the same. Then vocals cut in. But unlike a lot of Kallista's other stuff, they certainly don’t seem sampled. You cock your head slightly, & out of the corner of her eye you see her wince a little, biting back a bit of her excitement. She knows you've reached a part she's keen to hear your opinion on.

"Lost. Lost my entire life.
I needed a map, to point me where to go.
And then I met you. And it all made sense."

Admittedly the lyrics themself feel a little on the nose, but that voice... Wait... that’s Kallista! Kallista is actually singing. And while some of the effects might not have made it immediately recognizable, her voice is ethereal.

Altogether, this is a style unlike anything you’ve ever heard from her. You feel your jaw slack & your mouth swings agape. Sure there are effects on it, but that’s undeniably her, vulnerable & with raw emotion. And she sounds just as beautiful as she looks. Wait, is she... talking about you here...? You feel your cheeks go flush, but you look to her, as she stands off to the side with bated breath. You mouth "Holy fuck," before giving way to a big grin. She seems ecstatic, her eyes even a little teary. "This is so good," you say, unsure of what volume to modulate your speaking. "Why don't you sing all the time? Your voice is... nothing short of amazing."

"I- I was always… a little scared," she shrugs.

"Why?!" You laugh in a chiding, boisterous way that gets the point across rhetorically. “Why would you ever? You’re a Kallista blushes back.

Front to back, there were five complete tracks & one kind of demo half formed start of something. And they were all a lot more deeply personal than the sort of digital fare Kallista normally does under her other aliases & monikers. In fact, when you ask her which one she would ever release this under, she shrugs & says "I dunno. Maybe just my government name for once?"

The tracks are beautiful. Two was your absolute favorite, just stylistically & being a bit more on the heavier, upbeat side, but each was its own vibe, & something you would totally find yourself going out of your way to put on. And not just because of how much you really like her.

You know better than to tell an artist like Kallista that this new sound she was going for is like two existing things but in your head, you liken it to being somewhere between the dream pop of Chromatics with the kind of meditative dancability of early Orbital. But then frenetic bits that sounded a bit like Sophie. That said, the disparity between those other artists is different enough & you feel as though she wouldn't mind that kind of a comparison anyhow. You also think one or two of these could be a really big banger if it got picked up by the broader public, but know that's certainly not what she's going for. Not Kallista’s aim.

"Stepping out of the me everyone else thought I should be.
You were the one there, helping me to see."

The only thing you're having trouble with is where you fit into all of this.

Were you really the impetus here? It's not like she ever made any indication that she secretly wanted to sing. Even despite her clearly possessing such a beautiful singing voice. What the fuck was it about you that was able to drag this out of her? How on Earth?! You were just starting to warm up to the notion that maybe she was being flirty with you. Especially considering that exposed midriff of hers this evening. But do you somehow actually really mean that much to her? Does she feel the same way about you that you feel about her? Maybe you never even really had a reason to be shy.

"You're so full of surprises," You tell her later, leaning against her counter as you two finally dig into the pizza. "I mean I already knew you were so talented, but hiding that voice?"

"I'm just happy you liked it," She smiles while contending with a mouthful. "I was always a little shy. Growing up, my sisters had even better pipes than me. I was the shrill one."

"What? No fuckin’ way. And just because they might be good doesn't mean you're any less tremendous yourself," You insist. "You ought to have been doing more like this sooner! It’s as if you were holding out on everybody."

"Well..." She kind of fesses up, while managing to swallow. "I always have. I’ve got plenty of little recordings & demos. Just nothing I ever hunkered down, did seriously, & followed through to completion before. And well... you're the first person to hear it. The first person who I trust enough." She smiles warmly, locking eye contact.

"Me? Why me?" You ask, confused, your eyes darting back to your pizza slice. "I'm nobody." She chortles as she finishes the last bit of crust on her second slice already.

“Do you think being so self-deprecating all the time comes off as cute, or are you really just that damn hard on yourself?” There’s a slight frustration baked into the way she levels the question to you.

“I- don’t know what you’re talking about.” You murmur, timidly.

“Well,” she asserts plainly. “I think very highly of you. So much so that I thought you were one of the only people on the planet worth baring my soul to for the past forty five minutes. That has to stand for something, don’t you think?” She sets her plate down & approaches you, getting quite close. "You know, it's kind of a shame really." She says right after her beaming smile gave way to a lamenting sigh.

"What's that?" you force out, ready to be put on the spot. You still feel a little intimidated by her, no matter how genuine her interest in you seems. To you, someone amazing as her even offering you the time of day still seems just a little too good to be true.

"That in most scenarios? Maybe 8 & half times out of 10?" She starts off frustrated. "Not to toot my own horn or anything but well.. toot-toot!" Her forearm air-tugs. "I'm pretty confident I could initiate a conversation & get with pretty much anyone I want. Even after taking it a little easier the past week or two.”

“Oh. No doubt.” You reaffirm. “You’re the whole package.”

“Sure, sure,” She pawns off the compliment a bit haughtily. “But not to you.”

“Wha-“ was all you managed to to mutter.

“I’m still too skinny! You probably think I’m repulsive.”

“I most certainly do not-“ you argue, but she seems to not want to hear it, cutting you off.

“Y’know, it really kind of grinds my gears that I’m just not up to what you want from a woman.” She laments. There’s a very subtle sign that she’s staving off a playful smile. It’s not much but it’s an enough to help you build up your courage. Your brows arching to lighten a little with the mood. Would she register it as flirting? If you just come right out & said it? Then again, she’s the one broaching the topic. What harm could there be? Fuck it, you just start saying it.

"But it's not like there isn't a pretty easy way to remedy that."

"Oh?" She asks simply, her lips ending in a cute little pucker she pushes to the side a bit. You've known her for long enough to read this response as coy. You know that she knows where you're going with this, but she playfully tries to maintain a level of obliviousness. Like she just wants to hear you come out & say it. She teases the tips of her ponytails, twisting the strands between her fingers, looking up at you with her big eyes. “And what’s that, pray tell?”

“Well,” you sheepishly gulp, thinking back to that first conversation out on the fire escape. Here goes nothing, you think to yourself. “You did say it yourself," you smile with a wry, all-or-nothing confidence. "Some bigger women are just hot as fuck!" She stares blankly at first, as if she’s waiting for more. “And clearly, whenever we do hang out, you do enjoy eating…”

Her eyes bulge, feigning shock. But the smile doesn’t seem to leave her face…

|||

Hope you enjoyed this one. Sorry for the slight delay. I went back & reworked bits of the vignette a little, after already having a version of that completed before I finished wrapping the tattoos on her. Tried to make it kind coherent for folks that didn’t read ‘Part 1.5,’ even if it would be skipping ahead a little, but I don’t know if it is.

So I’m still a little unsure on how many parts I want to do. I mean it was only going to be the two at first, but I really like Kallista as a character & so things have gotten a bit more longwinded over time. And I liked the idea of starting things off slowly, even though I already spoiled a later part with the initial sketch. I hope she does appear just a bit wider here though. Just enough. What I like about her in these moments (& the broader theme) is how she tries to hide her fascination behind this façade of faux analysis. Between that & always playing with her hair, she’s a fun character.

Went a little nutty with versions, so hopefully there’s one in there you might like. I think I prefer her with the blond hair personally, but I posted the darker version first last time.

More soon.