Hopelessly Addicted

STAGE ONE

In this example, our subject, let‘s call her Claire, is not unfamiliar with the buzz around the company’s Pumpkin Spice Latte, but has yet to try it.

On one particularly cold & groggy morning, with a slight bit of coaxing from her coworker Gina, Claire decides to see what all the buzz is about, & try a cup.

And, in a single instant, a moment some other subjects stated was akin to a spiritual experience, Claire not only enjoyed said cup, but on some deep neurochemical level, became immediately desperate for a second. Then a third. The proverbial hooks were in, & the usual demure & mild-mannered Claire has become hopelessly addicted.

STAGE TWO

A little less than a week in & a steady stream of pumpkin spice lattes has started to become evident on our subject Claire. The drinks’ high calories find their way to her natural fat stores at first, until she gradually, unwittingly begins to start rounding out from the middle. And while potentially drastic to those around her, Claire hardly seems phased.

Still nursing the beverages at a natural pace, the moment she starts to get low on one, the impulse hits & she almost mindlessly starts to gather her coat & run out for another. She repeats this throughout the day, office productivity be damned.

It is at this point that she might start to become a bit conflicted. On some level subconsciously, she may develop an inkling that she is not quite her usual self, be it through how much she’s spending on her twice-hourly coffees or the growing snugness of her wardrobe. But the urge of obtaining more pumpkin spice remains strong, slowly beginning to dominate her thoughts & keeping her from confronting those concerns. The compulsion to keep drinking & never stop starts to take hold.

STAGE THREE

The thralls of addiction only intensify as our subject Claire gets more & more of the pumpkin spice coursing through her system in the subsequent week. The cravings leave her finding little issue, coming back from each coffee run with armfuls of the product. All for her.

She witlessly continues to grow exceedingly rounder with each cup, & only the stretchiest items of her wardrobe for her to wear. The awkward shape may come with a few impediments to her movement, yet, at the same time, the sheer amount of caffeine leaves her energized, jittery, & almost psychically unable to sit still. And given how quickly she will consume a dozen cups, it is constantly up & down, up & down, as she awkwardly, clumsily lumbers back & forth to the nearby store.

At this stage, she is at her most lost. While the effects are steadily becoming all the more undeniable, pumpkin spice is the sole thing on her mind. If she were really able to think right now, she might be quite upset with what’s become of her. But there’s really no time for that! When she has a cup, she struggles to not down it in a single warm gulp. When she is left without, her only thought is to obtain more. The feeling of just how unsustainable all this is may start to creep in around the edges a bit, but she’ll have to worry about that later. Right now, Claire needs to keep drinking!

At this rate, it wouldn’t be long now…

STAGE FOUR

It’s only been a few days since our last check in.

Our subject Claire has, at this point, outdrank her arms & legs. It was one last insane binge that put her over the top, while also emptying out her bank account & maxing out her card’s spending limit. But for her? During those last couple cups? All was right with the world. She was living the dream & things were just… glorious.

With her awkward new center of gravity, it was leaning to obtain that very last drop that caused poor Claire to tilt & spill onto the floor. Her sloshy form wobbled & swayed for almost a minute after as her round body settled into place. With hardly any ability to kick or reach, she’s left helplessly stranded. And it’s left her with what has been enough time to reflect.

The cravings are very much still on her mind. She certainly isn’t stopping by choice. But foregoing a few cups in what has been a constant stream for the past few weeks has opened her up for a bit of a moment of clarity. And some level of regret may be starting to set in. But not quite in the way you might think.

Because Claire isn’t left regretting what has become of her. At least not in a very self-aware way. No. Claire regrets not trying to plan a little better! After all, she could sort of kind of tell all what all those lattes doing to her. How things weren’t fitting, how chairs & doorways started to become so darn restricting, just how hard it was starting to get to get around. On some level, she knew it would lead to this! And maybe, just maybe, had she taken a few seconds to come up with a plan, she wouldn’t be left like this, tragically stranded, desperate for another cup.

RETRIEVAL

Mercifully, this is where our company’s retrieval team comes in. After all, we can’t feasibly leave subjects that reach these advanced stages helplessly stranded in their living rooms, offices, or our store’s parking lots. Not without a lot of negative connotations & a knock on PR. 

That’s why we algorithmically follow the purchasing practices of those valued guests [customers] in our rewards program to form predictive models & mobilize extraction teams around some of our flagship stores.

Out of thousands of cases, usually given the promise more Pumpkin Spice, every single subject has provided verbal consent, initiating them into our long term care program. Typically flatbeds are on standby, safely transporting subjects to the nearest hospitality facility, where they are issued a designated privacy nook [stall], thermal cover [blanket], an entertainment touch screen monitor on swivel arm, & a lifetime supply of our delicious Pumpkin Spice blend on tap, via delivery line [tube].

And so far, there have been no incidents as we continue to provide subjects like Claire all the Pumpkin Spice they could ever want. And maybe even a little more.

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And so with that, we close out Pumpkin Spice season 2022! Peace & love to all who celebrate.

But the seasonal tidings aren’t done quite yet as we roll into the holidays. Right now, I’m entering a bit of a busy period with my dayjob, but I want to prioritize the time I will have to focus on finishing up the next chapter of Bellflower, along with a few other pieces of writing I have had in the works. May have another few sketches to share soon too though. So we’ll see.

Anyway I hope you liked this sequence. I enjoyed doing it & would like to do more down the line. I just feel guilty given the rate at which I work, while I will have a bit to share over a few days if I spread things out, it’s longer between posts as I work on things in the background. Still, I’m happy with the way this turned out, & I really like digging a little deeper into this weird world I’ve kind of set up each year.