Bellflower Part 16

In this installment, it's Rachel's first day at her new job, but while she's ready & raring to go, Holly's not quite herself. And others are taking notice. 

Sorry it's up later than I hoped, but I had a last minute change of holiday plans. I tried instituting contingencies I made to still make it work while away from home, & while I was able to do some, hammering this out on a phone sucks at 2am, on top of not totally being satisfied with how that last sequence initially panned out. In fact, I still don't think I'm 100% on it, & might do a rewrite at some point moving forward (if so I'll give a heads up).

I intend to have another shorter chunk up soon in like the next few days or so. Now's where we're going to start skipping ahead a little at a time. Thanks for your continued support. And I hope you enjoy!

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16

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“Okay, seriously!” Rachel knocked again. “What’s the hold up?” While it might have become just a smidge snug in the week or so since she last wore it, she was all decked out in the same vintage ensemble she wore out to brunch that one time, feeling cute & raring to go. Not quite excited, but attempting to put her best foot forward on her first day.

“Just… just a second!” Holly winced, trying to keep her frustration in check from behind the other side of the door. She took a deep breath before grunting & attempting one last time. Courtney had JUST lent her this top. It fit fine just a few days ago! In fact, this one in particular had been a little on the looser side. Just days ago! Had Penny accidentally shrank it in the wash? Was she going to owe Courtney a new one?! Because how in the literal fuck was she already busting out of it? She tried to force the last of three buttons to slip in its corresponding hole. It was almost there! Just… a little… further...

“Look I know you offered to drive & all, but I really can’t be late! Not on my very first day!” Rachel pestered through the door. Holly huffed but didn’t answer speedily enough, too focused on struggling to squeeze into her top. Discontent with the silence, Rachel continued. “Should I just try to catch a shuttle?!”

“No!!” Holly insisted with a snap, once again relenting with a sharp exhale. “I’ll take you. Just… just… quit hassling me, alright?! I’ll only be… a minute.” She let her arms flap to her sides in frustration. The sides of her top drooped, showing her belly pooch forward in entire, unobstructed glory. There was no use even trying to argue any more. Or trying to blame things on Penny. She couldn’t just say her robotic maid shrunk some things in the wash just because it made her feel a little better. For one, Penny never seemed to make a mistake like that. No. Deep down, she knew the reality of the situation. It just pained her to come right out & say it. To admit it to herself. It was totally all her. And how she had been eating.

Flummoxed by what else she could possibly wear, she resigned herself to the idea this lavender button down was a lost cause. She hastily undid the straining buttons she had already managed & wiggled her thick arms out of the confining sleeves. What was going on with her lately? For months, she hadn’t even thought about any of this. How much she was eating. Her weight. The size of her clothes. Not once! Then in the span of a week? That all seemed to go to absolute shit. 

After her initial nagging, it seemed like she was finally able to get her “concern-trolling” sister off her back about stuff, so she could finally do what she wanted to do, eat what she wanted to eat, guilt-free. But now? Because of that? It was like things were swinging a little too far in the other direction. And it wasn’t like she had simply just let herself go. It was more like she just couldn’t help herself any more. If she was in a situation where food was anywhere nearby? She HAD to have it. And all of those calories had to end up somewhere. She looked in the mirror with heavy sigh, boobs spilling a bit out of the cups of her bra, but her flabby belly poking out twice, almost three times further. There was no denying it anymore. While others would’ve argued it maybe happened quite a bit sooner, she officially had to admit she had moved past the realm of just kind of chubby to officially just “fat.” She was a fat girl now, there was no denying it.

“I have to be there in ten minutes, just so you know!” Rachel impatiently reminded. “Or I mean I could just… not. Was never all that keen on this whole idea in the first place.” She joked, half-serious. While she still had plenty of reservations, she had kind of gotten used to the idea of getting a hefty paycheck. Even if only to move out as soon as humanly possible! But bluff or not, Holly was having none of it, sounding even more frustrated than before.

“Ech, give me two minutes, goddammit!” Holly growled, her eyes rolled toward the ceiling, but her hands inadvertently cupping the bottom flab of her belly. She started pushing through hangers in her closet, but her mind kept racing. She was just always so damn hungry. She was constantly thinking about food. Even now, she was desperate to find something because she could smell the buttery piece of toast Penny had prepared for her, cooling out on the kitchen counter. She wanted to taste it before it cooled off. She was ashamed to admit that was motivating her a little bit more than Rachel’s first day even. But it was true! Eventually, she came to another one of Courtney’s tops. A flowier blouse. One she wasn’t that thrilled about, but one that Courtney seemed to like, insisted she looked good in & further insisted she take with her. It was very unflattering. When she first tried it on, Holly thought it made her look huge. It was white with blue floral patterns. But she knew it had room & she had officially run out of other options.

It ended up having less room than she remembered, but at the very least, she could still manage to close all the buttons on it. Fuck, she had to go shopping tonight the minute she got off work. With its lightly-colored, billowy fabric she couldn’t look at her reflection without thinking she just looked absolutely humongous. Wait! She had a blazer that could go over top. Maybe…?

She finally opened the door to the bedroom, only to find Rachel standing there, looking at her phone with the smuggest expression in the world.

“Welp, I’m officially late.” She sighed. “Unless you can spontaneously teleport us both there in the next three minutes. I mean, that’s at least how long the elevator’s going to take!” She scanned her older sister up & down. “What took you so long.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Holly pushed past, adjusted her blazer. She probably couldn’t button it, even if she tried, & the arms were way tight, but it didn’t look half as bad as the blouse on its own & would get her through today. Suddenly one of Penny’s Mechanical arms relayed her the plate with the buttered toast.  Holly grabbed the slices off the plate & gave a grateful nod.

“So what am I even supposed to do?” Rachel said with a half-sneer. While technically not her first impression, showing up late still seemed like a bad look. But she was even surprised with herself how much she seemed to care. Fuck, this was Hailington after all. They were monsters. Holly took a big bite out of one of the slices of toast. Just tasting the buttery goodness was enough to spark something of an epiphany. She looked to her younger, doubtful sister wryly. “What…?”

“Hmmph.” The unnatural blonde snickered. “I don’t know Dawn all that well, but for as much as I do know about her…? I think I have a plan.” Rachel’s eyes got wide, intrigued by the notion that Holly could even formulate a plan. Holly took another big bite of toast, which didn’t seem to concern her when with a full mouth she  continued to assure “You’ll be fine.”

“I’m SOOO sorry.” Rachel said pleadingly, walking into the dank fluorescents of the copywriting department. For some reason, her new coworkers weren’t at the desks she had met them at. They hovered around the conference table in the center of the main room. Dawn, leaning against a chair looked to her over the top frame of her glasses, skeptically. She looked disappointed, & more than ready to say something about it being twenty past. But when she saw the donuts, all seemed immediately forgiven. Or better yet, forgotten.

That was Holly’s “cunning plan” to cover for being five minutes late. Taking an extra fifteen to stop at the grocery store & picking up donuts by the dozen. And credit where credit was due, seeing Dawn’s round face light up the way it did? It seemed to be working. The way the redhead dressed reminded Rachel vaguely of this old eccentric gallery owner whose mean, little papillion she used to walk sometimes in the city as one of her million & a half side gigs. Which was to say quite a bit older than she appeared at first glance. And while the natural fabrics of her frock were airy, & flowy, giving her large frame ample room, it seemed to make the woman’s overall silhouette that much larger in a way. While she may have been just the slightest bit smaller than say Courtney, the way she dressed & seemed to carry herself made her feel a bit bigger, if that was even possible. To Rachel, it was a little bit intimidating, just not in the way a boss was really technically supposed to be.

“Oooh.” Trudy cooed simply, noticing a little late. “Please tell me there’s Boston Creme.” She set down a pen & ledger pad, as if she had been preparing to take some notes.

“And glazed. And powdered. And frosted. And regular.” Rachel grinned timidly. “Sorry, I didn’t know what you guys preferred.”

“We’re… none too picky around here.” Dawn said, settling into a perky little pucker of a smile. Pulling her lips tightly made her big cheeks seem even bigger. “Just don’t make it a habit.” She acknowledged as Rachel set the box down  on the conference table. She opened it. Dawn looked into it longingly. “Or do. I don’t know. Just… meet your deadlines.” She eventually decided jokingly, wiggling her chubby fingers before grabbing for a glazed. Rachel smiled & nodded before turning to Trudy, who leaned over the table for what looked like that Boston Creme. Once again, she was decked out in mostly denim, giving her more vibes of the cool kids in her old neighborhood than Oakmont. “That was very considerate, Rachel. Thank you!” Her supervisor took a bite. Her eyes rolled back, her head & neck following for a split second of ecstatic bliss. “I think you’re going to do nicely around her.” With Dawn’s chins jutting forward, Rachel couldn’t help but feel slightly complicit in being part of the problem this time. But hey, a donut wasn’t a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. And if it got her out of trouble on her first day? 

“Glad.” Rachel shrugged. Standing so close to Dawn, she felt her own tummy begin to grumble. She hadn’t even realized she had already started grabbing at a frosted donut herself. Noticing what she wanted to do, she froze. But her fingers had already sort of smooshed it. It was a little too late. Since she had already touched it, it seemed a little rude to just drop it. To leave it for someone else at this point. Reluctantly, she picked it up, but decided it was probably for the best if she took a step away from the box. Dawn continued while chewing. “We’ll get you situated at the desk across from Trudy over there, but first? Since we’ve got people working from home this week? We’ve got to do our weekly conference call. Get everybody in the loop.”

“Got it,” Rachel nodded, taking the most modest, restrained nibble of her chocolate frosted.

“Nadya? Can you hear me?” Dawn chimed a few moments later, her eyes tilting upward toward the ceiling. As department head, it seemed she should probably sit at the head of a conference room table to conduct the meeting. Only that side of the rectangular table was just a bit too narrow for someone of her… carriage. So she had seemingly unconsciously picked a seat on the side, opposite both Trudy & Rachel. The table had plenty of room, & despite how much of that room her two larger co-workers attempted to fill, it still felt mostly empty to Rachel, it only being the three of them present. The department itself seemed unsettlingly quiet. But as writers, maybe that was by design? For concentration, she assumed.

“Mmmm. Yes.” They all eventually heard emanate from a moan on the other side of the phone. It sounded a bit like the woman on the other end was in the middle of breakfast. Or perhaps a snack. Either way, she seemed to be enjoying it, maybe even distracted by just how much she liked it. Hearing that confirmed several theories & suspicions Rachel had going. None of them necessarily good. “Loud & clear.” The voice on the other end of the line eventually muttered again after a gulp.

“Okay, well, it’s too bad you’re not in today as we have big news. Someone new in the department here today!” Dawn said with a chipper tone, giving Rachel a pleasant smile. She leaned to the side to pick up a powdered donut daintily, with a pinky hovering. While it looked like she tried to be subtle about it, her chair betrayed her with a monstrous creak in reaction to her shifting mass. She settled back into it with the slightest, barely audible “oooph,” before taking a large bite.

“Oh?” the voice sounded please. “Is that… the new girl?” The pause in the middle seemed like she took a bite. It made Rachel a little uneasy, but she tried to keep her sheepish grin from wavering.

“And she brought donuts.” Trudy interjected, her fingers hovering over the box ready to pick out her next one too. The instant she spied it, she darted for the second of the two Boston Cremes.

“Mmmmm. That sounds good.” The voice seemed to blurt without a shred of irony. Rachel noticed Dawn wave at her before mouthing a “Say Hello” at her with sugar dusted lips, putting her a bit on the spot.

“Um… hi.” she mousily leaned in. “My name’s Rachel. Um… glad to be joining the… team…?”

“She’s a fantastic writer, Nadya.” Dawn luckily jumped into cut her off.  She held her donut aloft & her eyes rolled to the ceiling again. “I’ll send you some, you should really check out her stuff!”

“Mmmmm I’d love to.” She said, continuing her own unseen meal. As if the talk of donuts had inspired her to keep going on her end. “Sorry I can’t be there, but welcome aboard all the same!” She seemed to stop to take a sip of something before continuing the platitudes. “Pleasure to be working with you.”

“Yeah, um…” Rachel threw her arms up, & maintained her plastered-on smile. “Likewise! Hope to meet you in person soon.” It wasn’t like she had said the wrong thing, but there was a weird reaction to that. Like it was loaded in a way she couldn’t have known. Even on her end, Nadya let out something of a forlorned hum of acknowledgment. Almost as if she wished she could, but that probably wouldn’t be happening…?

“Pleasantries out the way, that leads us to the nitty-gritty, ladies.” Dawn, finishing her donut, seemed to get a little more serious, punctuating with her chubby fingers softly clapping against the table. “We are still tits deep with this whole Marulla… debacle.” The sudden crassness caught Rachel entirely off-guard. Especially after the awkward break she had unwittingly brought to the conversation. Some genuine joy pumped back into her wincing grin. “Did you get my email, Nadya? Fifteen minutes or so ago?”
“Mmmmhmm.” The voice affirmed, even with a mouthful. “I saw the notification pop-up. Mmm, was just about to open it when you called.”

“This late, I can’t believe… I mean, what am I saying, I CAN BELIEVE…” Dawn adjusted, her eyes still rolling around, surveying the ceiling as she spoke both directly & indirectly in towards the speaker phone. “But after this long, of course, now they’re deciding to add more to their fat ass catalogue for fat asses.” She shook her head, causing the excess flesh of her own face to jiggle along with. “As if it already wasn’t an absolute clusterfuck.” The mouth on her, Rachel thought to herself with a laugh. She’d just gotten habit of people shorthanding it to simply “cluster.” Not out of prudence but sheer ease. Hearing it in full reestablished some of the original gravitas.

“Mmmm, I can do this.” Nadya managed, sounding as though she had skimmed the email. While eating. And on the phone. While Rachel had some assumptions of what the woman on the other end might’ve looked like, it was heartening to hear that she was at least not only somewhat capable, but still multitasking even. “No problem. By one okay?” She asked between gulps.

“How about noon? Or eleven… thirty…? Ish?!” Dawn bartered.

“Well not to protest too much here, but... an hour or two? Is that really gonna…?” Nadya seemed to start.

“Look, I’m not trying to bust balls, but with this project?” Dawn got louder but wasn’t angry or even at a yell just yet. She seemed to straighten up a little. “These complete fucking - pardon my French here - blowholes are trying to bury us underneath an avalanche of equine excrement.” It took Rachel a few beats to realize the subtle delivery of the joke she buried in the conversation. Cursing before the warning & then saying things that sounded bad but weren’t actually curses? Sure it was a little hack & out of nowhere, but she kind of admired how quick witted Dawn actually was when she really got going. And in the moment, it elicited a giggle out of Nadya, boosting her morale a bit it seemed & diffusing any issues. She seemed happy to agree to Noon at least. At first glance, Rachel never would’ve expected something like that out of a woman like Dawn. Even just down to the kind of artsy-fartsy clothes she wore. But maybe that was more on her own expectations than Dawn really. And now? It gave her pause & made her think. After hearing this woman gush over her own writing, she felt something of a mini-confidence boost herself even.

The meeting went onto highlight what was going to be expected of each of them this week. Dawn, slipping bit after bit in at almost a mile a minute started dishing out deadlines to Nadya & Trudy. While Rachel didn’t have much of a frame of reference, she tried to imagine the same sort of work being expected of her. It wasn’t the sort of thing she’d right for fun, or even entirely that easy. But at the same time, it didn’t seem impossible. Both her coworkers didn’t seem to mind it either. Nadya kept up with her meal, but she sounded ready to tackle the tasks at hand. And Trudy too, who had something of a game face going. Though it was a bit hard to discern given how little she seemed to emote. This time around however, since Rachel was new, she was given a much lighter load. Literal blurbs of how silky & soft some of the scarves were. But she was warned, half-jokingly that the more competent she proved to be, the more would end up on her proverbial plate the quicker, seeing how far behind & short-staffed they were. And while her instincts kind of told her to take it a little easier, get her bearings, ease herself into all this, she couldn’t help but feel guilty seeing the sheer workload the whole department had in front of them.

“And for God’s sake!” Dawn rasped suddenly to her towards the end of the meeting. “A skinny thing like you? Take another donut please! Before I have my way with the entire box!”

“Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Don’t do it.” Repeated on a loop in her head. 

It suddenly dawned on her that she hadn’t actually been typing anything. She had just been blankly staring at the same email for at least five minutes, mouth agape. She was in a haze. Suddenly plump fingers waved between her & the screen.

“Holly!” She finally heard, but it sounded as if it was the last of several. “You with us?” a voice laughed. She put it to Deidre. Suddenly Holly shook out of her trance, noticing the tall woman hovering over her desk.

“Huh…? Yeah! Sorry! Wha… Can I help you with som…” She seemed to panic, catching herself. Deidre mercifully cut her off.

“Just… wanted to thank you.” She said, her one brow raising higher than the other slowly. “For bringing in donuts for everybody.” That’s when she realized her boss was in the middle of snacking on a glazed herself.

“Oh…” Holly looked around. The whole office, particularly the Ladies Night gang, had been helping themselves to the boxes she brought in. When she took Rachel for hers for the sole purpose of smoothing things over for being late, she opted for two boxes herself, since as she put it “had way more people in her department.” In fact, it looked like one had already kicked & the second had been well picked over. Part of her was relieved. The other was suddenly desperate to get up & get more before they were gone. But she fought it. “Don’t mention it!” Her smile was a little more of a wince than smile. And to Deidre, it was clear as day.

“Did you get some yourself?” she seemed concerned, but respectful of her employee’s space. “Donuts I mean.”

“Oh. Um… jus-just the one.” Holly nodded with pursed lips. That was her goal. Limiting herself to just the one strawberry jelly she picked out when she first put them all out for everybody. The thing was, restraining herself from getting up & attacking the boxes? It took every iota of her strength. In fact, that’s what she had been trying to focus on, when she suddenly locked onto that one email, sitting on her screen. She started to mantra “Don’t do it,” & while she had successfully managed to NOT cave in, she hadn’t even realized minutes had past. Deidre seemed to lean against Holly’s side of her pod. They could both feel her concern.

“Is everything… alright?” She asked, in a hushed tone, sensitive to discretion. “You seem a little… off.”

“I’m… just trying to… um… get my work done.” Holly feigned her usual chipper routine, but Deidre didn’t look like she was able to buy it. She leaned in a little further, keeping her voice low.

“You don’t have to lie. You’re not in trouble. I just watched you stare at that same email for like five minutes. And it’s not exactly “War & Peace.”

“I…” Holly looked like she was still going to try & come up with something but recognized that Deidre was only trying to be helpful. And that stopped her from trying to dig any deeper.

“Want to step into my office?” She asked. “We’ll talk about it.” Holly weighed it over for a second. She saw Regina snatch up a vanilla frosted donut. One of the three remaining. A very tempted Holly nodded to Deidre, even if only to get away from the last of that second box. She slowly got up & followed her boss towards her glass enclosed office.

“OooooOOoooooh,” Veronica seemed to joke as they walked past. She was nursing her own cinnamon donut, but managed to chide in a sing-song tone. “Holly’s in trah-rouble!!”

“Veronica…” Huffed Deidre seriously, on behalf of both of them. “Just… keep to your damn donut.” She seemed to fight off a sneer, but still seemed slightly aghast, even if only for just being yelled at.

Before she even sat down, a box had already been set upon Rachel’s desk. After forcing her to have another donut, Dawn joked that Rachel was still too much of a lightweight to really experience Marulla the way it was meant to be experienced. Even if only jokingly, it was weird to essentially be bullied for being too skinny. especially considering the source & well... everything. Still, she had been tasked with tackling some of the broader accessories the plus sized designer label offered. And here were some prime examples of those items. 

As she started digging through it, it felt a little like a box of dress up items she & Holly kept at their grandparents'.  One that they used to play dress up when they were both really little. She first took out a large wide brimmed beach hat. A dark, almost blackish burnt siena, with a stark white strap around the brim. While Marulla was generally pretty nice for what it was, this little number was certainly a little ostentatious. Way, way too conspicuous for her, it was definitely for someone trying to make some kind of statement. What that statement was...? She slipped it on.

“Oh.” Dawn was in transit from the coffee machine, on her way to getting herself another donut before heading back to her own office. “Tres Chic.” The flat tone of her delivery made them both reel slightly into a smirk. But Rachel’s was slightly more embarrassed.

“So like…?” She started to ask. Dawn smirked.

“I don’t know. Think of it like… like a creative writing prompt.” Dawn pulled back what looked like a strawberry frosted donut, sucking an extra bit of that pink frosting off the tip of her thumb. “Just like some sort of testimonial. About how much of that… Hamptons’ Sun it blocked out for one these big, rich broads or whatever.”
“Mmmm.” Started Trudy from the other side of their cramped office area, finishing up a donut she had taken with her. Rachel looked up. “You shouldn’t call them “broads" though.  It's a bit problematic. They’re customers after all. We want their money.” Was the joke that she had taken it awfully literal? Wait… was it even a joke? Her affect was as flat as ever. Rachel looked to Dawn, who was already mid eye roll. Still she continued with an almost maternal patience.

“Yes, sweetie. Just a BROAD example.” She assured Trudy, leaning heavily on the pun. “I 'm sure she catches the gist.” 

“Thanks though,” Rachel sheepishly added, trying to be sincere, but hopefully not patronizing. She went back to digging. Things seemed to have been just thrown into the box haphazardly. Just then, something else in the box snagged her eye. "What is this even...?" It was a looped band of crocheted fabric. But it was stretchy... like paracord. "A headband? What am I even supposed to...?" Dawn cut her off after a sip of coffee.

"Mmm, part of their "Athleisure" line I think." She started gesturing into the air above her as if she was putting words up on a marquee. "It valiantly kept my shitty bangs out of my eyes while my fat ass tried to do bikram fuckin' yoga that one time, even though I ponied up for the entire six month membership."

"Although don't say..." Trudy started. 

"She gets it!" Dawn snapped just a little too loud. On a dime, her face turned back to a playful smile, pointed towards Rachel. "Don't you worry one bit. There's no wrong answers. Just slightly dumber ones. But we can workshop anything that falls a bit short. Just give it ago. I'm sure you'll get in the swing of things quickly." She then started waddling back to her office.

Rachel certainly hoped she was right. While it was reassuring that these weren't exactly ICBM's, trying to get into bougie plus-sized lady's mindset in order to pretend? Not great, in her opinion, given, well, everything going on around her.

“So what’s up?” Deidre asked, shutting the glass door behind her. Holly tried to delicately take a seat in one of the chairs in front of her supervisor’s desk. As her bottom met the seat, the cushion wheezed more than it ever had in the past, making her all the more self-conscious. With her eyes a bit wide, she was being a little too slow to answer. “It’s nothing… work-related, is it…?” Deidre volunteered to start off the conversation. She realized she had to thread a needle here. It was usually tough, being both a boss & a good friend to most of the girls in the department. And this seemed just a little like one of those situations. But seeing as they were in the office, she had to get the procedural businesswoman shit out of the way first. “It’s not that creep hassling you again, is it?!” Her teeth clenched, almost ready to go to war for Holly if need be. With her bare hands if necessary. Holly mustered a tiny, little laugh.

“No. No.” she waved off. “Not today, anyway.” Her eyes darted down to the side. “And it has nothing to do with like… here. It’s not a work thing. So, relax.” She shook her head reassuringly towards Deidre, trying to calm her nerves on that front. But even with as slight as a smile she had going, it faded very quickly. “I just… I… I don’t know.”

“Well, ok.” Deidre cooed empathetically. She bit her lip. “Forget we’re here in this stuffy office.” She waved her finger around in a circle, gesticulating at the room. She leaned in. “Friend to friend. What’s up? You haven’t really been… acting yourself so much lately.” Not realizing how fragile she was at that exact moment, tears started welling up in Holly’s eyes. Deidre, realizing she might have unintentionally struck some kind of nerve, frantically tried to cork it up with some feeble “hey’s,” but the waterworks were already inbound.

“I… I don’t… I don’t even know.” Holly slipped, her glassy eyes gave way to a little more tearing. “Honestly, I don’t really even FEEL like myself lately.” She felt wet trails forming down each of her plump cheeks.

“How so?” Deidre pressed with some sensitivity. Sincerity. Holly sniffled, trying to regain at least some control over her tears. Deidre obliged by handing her a tissue.

“I…” Holly still seemed to have some reticence. “I feel like I’m… I… I don’t know…” Then almost as if to make its presence known, her empty stomach manifested her hunger into something of a low, guttural growl. Deidre seemed as though she was trying to ignore it, but a slight flinch told Holly she had definitely heard it too. Then again, it was pretty loud & it wouldn’t have taken much in the quiet glass encasement that was Deidre’s office. Desperate to move on, Holly tried to deflect. She started lifting herself up out of the chair. "I’m sorry. This is dumb! I feel like I’m wasting your time, & we’re both on the clock so like…”

“Holly? Sit.” Deidre commanded. It was stern. With the same energy she had just expended putting Veronica in her place. Holly listened, but was also a bit petrified. When she needed to be a boss, she definitely didn’t play around. But also, realizing she might’ve been a little too harsh, Deidre’s tone relented slightly. Her expression softened on an exhale. “Look. If you don’t want to tell me, it’s ultimately your prerogative. But I get it! I understand things have been a little… hectic around here lately. I can only imagine how it is on your end, everything with Rachel? This place always moving a mile a minute the way it does? And now Courtney suddenly today…?” She tacked it on as if just remembering.

"Courtney?" Holly perked, asking a bit puzzled. She looked back in the direction of her side of the pod. It suddenly dawned on her that their large mutual friend was seemingly absent. Lost in her own thoughts most of the morning, Holly felt horribly selfish for not even noticing at first. Then again, no wonder the boxes of donuts seemed to be lasting as long as they had. "What's up with Courtney?"

"Working from home today." Deidre’s hands stayed on her desk, but the way she said it seemed to imply air quotes. As if some kind of euphemism, where Holly would have took her meaning. But when Holly  seemed to be a little slow on the uptake, Deidre let out a sigh & elaborated. "C’mon! Don’t play coy. We’re in HR. We see this around here all the time!” Holly still didn’t seem to be following, shaking her head. But Deidre was already kind of on a roll. “She came up with some random excuse obviously, but I get the feeling it's because she's having, well... You've seen her!” She leaned in & lowered her voice. “She sometimes has... a little trouble getting around these days. She’s just getting so… so..."

“Unwieldy…?” Holly offered with some hesitation.

“Sure.” Deidre settled. “And as much as I love her to pieces, that’s… not really a… great sign.” She stammered, trying to tightrope the right words together.

“How so…?” Holly winced. 

“Well I mean look at your sister's department. Remember Nadya?" Deidre's arms shot out horizontally, as if to signify significant girth. "She's been "working from home" since we came back from the holiday last week." It suddenly dawned on Deidre that none of this was probably helping Holly in her current mental state. “Look, forget Nadya. The point is I get it. I get why you’d be a little stressed right now.” After gossiping, her tone was slowly trying to regain its initial empathy. “I just want you to know, if there’s anything you need from me? Be it a shoulder to cry on or hell, time off to maybe… go talk to someone even?”

"That's what I tried telling Court." Holly said as a sort of disappointed aside.

"And did she...?" Deidre asked sternly. 

"Didn't seem like it." Holly was slow to admit.

“So maybe…?” Deidre tried to lead. Holly slowly nodded. “I’m just trying to let you know, I’m here for you. And if you do need to vent or whatever? I’m there! Just please... keep me in the loop. Okay? Please? You’re too good a friend!"

Holly gradually nodded.

“Thanks, Deidre.” She tried wiping the last of her tears away, as the both of them tried to ignore another not-too-subtle tummy grumble coming from the blonde.

“Don’t mention it,” Deidre smiled as Holly lifted up out of her chair. She started to leave the office, not quite “better” than when she entered. In fact, now, suddenly she had new things to worry about, it seemed. But it was at least slightly reassuring to be reminded that she wasn’t alone. Deidre called after her. "That's a cute blouse by the way."