The Bellflower Part 6
Added 2019-06-30 21:16:34 +0000 UTCIn this week's installment, the sisters are inv
Comments
So between the "upgrades," comments at the meeting, & potential coworkers in her department, I feel like you guys are almost a little psychic. But things aren't going to all play out exactly like that. Like for instance, there will be most certainly be something of a gluttonous culture in the Hailington copywriting department. But instead of succumbing to it, it might put Rachel a little more on her guard. But then again too, having her guard up all the time is exhausting. And in some cases already, proving to be a bit of its own distraction. One thing I do think I want to make a bit clear is that Rachel is going to still be a hard nut to crack. She will definitely succumb to temptation, & will be prone to absent-minded binges. So, don't worry, she'll definitely pork up for sure, but usually way more from a "oh shit, what did I just do?" perspective than any sort of flat out glutton or "gimme gimme gimme!" perspective. Holly & most of the others on the other hand...
BNevis
2019-07-07 16:57:27 +0000 UTC@Jennifer but also maybe but very unlikely, Rachel starts noticing other changes, such as absent mindlessly eating whole extra large pizzas and still starving or insane dreams or she’s at work and sees through a door crack something that super alarms her because a coworker has a bad reaction or growth spurt but she can’t do anything because Penny. But also maybe with these upgrade rooms they see new things all designed to encourage growth and that because everyone is so much fatter they’re way more open to things like forgoing clothes or like Rachel once she gets to a certain size gets a promotion and a new boss even fatter than any other woman she’s seen so far and it turns out her new boss is secretly grooming Rachel to get into the higher ranks but needs to be humongous and brainwashed to support Bellflower
Chumlee99
2019-07-05 16:36:21 +0000 UTC@Sickstar I think your comment got cut off
Chumlee99
2019-07-04 13:33:23 +0000 UTCJust out of curiosity how fat is everyone?
Chumlee99
2019-07-04 00:46:52 +0000 UTCThanks! I read the first line of the other & thought it was strange to start off with, but now I see why. And I don't know what would've happened, but don't feel obligated to write this much twice, as much as I'm loving the feedback! I do appreciate it though!! So I've been trying to write some semblance of this kind of story a few times in other scenarios. And not only did they always get really long, but they tended to only have one usually paranoid protagonist. So as they start to get really paranoid as things unfold, it just reads like a neurotic person's thoughts. I think having the sisters here is a real saving grace in that regard. I can bounce around & go to Rachel to ratchet up the suspense or mystery, but then I can also bounce back to Holly if I just want someone to haplessly enjoy a meal without the same level of dread. So tonally & in terms of different perspectives, it's a much more interesting way to tackle something like this. And them being sisters also helps in terms of the interactions between those two dynamics. Because ultimately, they do care about one another, but with little contact, they're reconvening in each other's lives as adults after never quite getting along as kids. And they can still squabble & compete against one another. Get vindictive. But then go right back to having the other's back too. And all while still having an intimate, ingrained history with one another. It really helps with the range, I feel, while also giving gravity to the choices one makes in regards to the other. To the point of Holly becoming a little more antagonistic, I felt like maybe Rachel was getting her a little too wound up. And that talking to Courtney was something of a catalyst (& at the same time, something of a backfire for Rachel). Like she's taking enough charge to tell Rachel to fuck off, but for the purpose of being able to let herself lose control & pig out whenever she damn well chooses LoL I think it helps them both serve as better foils to each other this way. In terms of Courtney, I don't think Holly is so much willingly ready to get as fat, so much just really into eating whatever whenever, & willing to just let the chips fall where they may. Because to her, seeing as fat as Courtney's become, she has her AI to dote on her hand & foot & she doesn't seem at all that concerned about it, she just gets to keep eating. And Holly's a little jealous of that. So a little less of a 'make it so,' more of a 'so be it.' Oh, & speaking of Courtney, I did start a little something from her perspective as well. At the moment, I'm thinking it might just be supplemental material. But in a pinch, I might turn it into its own "part," if I fall behind on writing or need to flash forward a little in the story of the sisters. Speaking of which, so far, the events of the story have taken place over this sort of four day weekend (because I think I started it a little before Memorial Day? LoL). And while it wasn't the intention to break that down in almost real time, I added a few things here & there, & now at part 7, we're only up to midday Sunday. I say this because the meeting with Fran & friends was always supposed to be a little pivotal to the mystery & really set Rachel's priorities. The problem is it's gotten pushed back because of chunks that I wrote way more than I had been anticipating on. But I think once we get to that, the conspiracy will begin to take a little more shape & set things on their path. And I'm not saying Rachel won't have some of the same thoughts you mentioned in regards to her vs Holly, she'll just also have much much bigger fish to fry. Plus it introduces a few more residents too. Lastly, as not much of a drinker myself, I don't know that many other stories that get into that, but it seemed like a fun way to end, getting Rachel to lug her chubby sister home after getting her day drunk on. And in terms of other stories? Mimosas maybe not so much, but booze? Higher calorie content than you'd expect a lot of times. But that said, looking ahead? Drunk Holly is a joy to write. She might be slurring her speech maybe a little too much, but I don't care because its fun to me LoL Anyway thanks again, very much!! I really appreciate the opportunity to hear our thoughts & talk about my thoughts with what's going on with this! It's been a blast to write so far, in large part because of this.
BNevis
2019-07-03 13:07:36 +0000 UTCWe'll get to see a little bit more of the company when Rachel makes her trip in to meet with Deidre. Ominous corporate vibes for sure, without giving too much away. More than anything, I like the sort of dread it represents to a character like Rachel. I mean talk about willpower, here she is compromising to work at a place she has moral objections to, just because it's a salary that's a bit higher than she's used to.
BNevis
2019-07-03 12:06:28 +0000 UTCWhat the- was my first comment deleted, aw man... :( I'm gonna try to recreate it from memory uhh Ooh boy, I really am excited seeing the sprinkles of how things'll play out. There's lots of details to keep track of. Firstly, I love the direction Holly is taking as a semi-antagonistic force! You said Rachel was moving the plot along but it feels like Holly now is tugging Rachel away from her figuring out the mystery and staying thin plan. It makes both of their stakes unique and lets Holly "bounce" off of Rachel more. Their petty sibling rivalry is great. And I love the last justification Holly has at admitting she'd probably be happy at Courtney's size. I love the image at Holly growing until she fills out her own love seat and just taking a good look at herself, and smirking. Instead of some worry like Courtney, because Holly can half smugly have some pride over Rachel for "living life to the fullest". In fact she might go even faster than Court if she's got the idea stuck in her head that if she gets out of control, she might as well enjoy it. And Rachel, too! Because Holly will always be a bit bigger than her that "I don't feel bad cause I'm not as big as Holly" moment will be her downfall. "I may be 500, but at least I'm staying skinnier than Holly" kind of pride in the moment to moment. The hook to your story really works well so far I find. It's not a story about two people fattening up that happen to be sisters, it's a story *enhanced* by the fact they're two sisters. Both of their weight gains fueled by this petty but loving sibling rivalry make it a great read. They really do feel like sisters is the thing. They both fully love and fully hate each other as much as they can. They hug, they squabble, they worry about one another, they hope the other gets pissed off at mad. It's the kind of relationship founded with the inherent desire to have a leg up on the other and I love that. Rachel snickering to herself at Holly's weight (which isn't that much in the grand scheme of things) because Rachel used to be chubby kind of feels like a microcosm of their entire lives together. And now it's going to be a huge leading factor in filling them out like balloons. So great job so far again!! Can't wait to see more!! Just the beginning's of Rachel addiction to fattening food made this chapter a treat fjdshf PS: Is alcohol a common method to tear down barriers in these long wg stories? I just realized how effective it'd be cause of this chapter huh. I never drink it so I never even considered it tbh
Jennifer
2019-07-01 16:06:19 +0000 UTCOh and also as a side comment I didn't know if you'd like to hear this. But the more I hear about the company, it almost feels like whatever is behind this bellflower (I struggle to call it a thing that's fully alive at this point), I get the image of a blob limply attaching to its victim from a distance, pumping them up and letting them fill out so it's meal is that much bigger when it's time to eat. It was probably tiny with a goal in the beginning, but is so bloated from absorbing so much it's only logical goal at this point is to get bigger. The company being this all-consuming conglomerate definitely helps the image! I wonder just how much Rachel and Holly will add to the blob of blobs at the end of their long gain, huh?
Jennifer
2019-07-01 07:07:46 +0000 UTC
