Behind 'Secrets Are Secrets For a Reason'

Secrets Are Secrets For A Reason is a project that almost just manifested itself without me having to do much. The art was already made, and I just had an urge to indulge in how I was feeling at the time. All of the tracks were made at night because I had an awful sleep schedule, which wasn't fun but it really added to the vibe of the creative process. It's a vent piece in nature, and probably the darkest piece of art or music I've ever made. Attached you can download all the art related to the project. And the album is available for download here: https://null00.bandcamp.com/album/secrets-are-secrets-for-a-reason

7 tracks made in about a week. This album samples silent hill, cry of fear, bring me the horizon, sworn in, get scared, bloodborne, olafur arnalds, chopin and bach.

Some major influences for this album includes bloodborne, yuko tatsushima, board of canada/salad fingers to name a few.

00 - The genesis that kickstarted this album. When I was up way later than any reasonable person should ever be, I found myself listening and exploring really 'out there' musical projects and genres. Morbid curiosity is definitely a big theme of this album and morbid curiosity is what got me hungry for extreme and weird music. "Deathdream" had this eerie void and nostalgic feel to it and that's what I based my ambient sound on, which I think is reflected in this track, and the others to come.

Secrets Are Secrets For A Reason - This track is one of those where I was really starting to just hone in on the lovecraftian aesthetic. This is a quote from Bloodborne (fav game of all time, please play it if u have the chance), which first made me aware of cosmic horror's existence. And yeah idk I just think it's cool and eerie, not much more to it.

Our Toll - This track is probably one of the most filler track of the album. It was made in like 10 minutes as part of a fun little challenge, but I did end up liking it enough to include it, It gives me like impending doom vibes, which fits well with the next track coming up.

Ophanim - You know how in recent years the whole biblically accurate angel meme kinda blew up for a period? I'm glad it did cus now there's so much media surrounding them. Learned that from their description, they might be as big as planets and when they speak it's like hearing waves and trumpets shake the earth; so that's what I tried to replicate. This piece is somewhat of a cinematic interpretation of what I think would play if you saw this in a movie.

The Lines Between - Again, reading between the lines, uncovering secrets by different means and interpretations, eldritch knowledge. This one is different in that it's the first track that's not purely an ambient piece. I've always felt there's a sense of eerie nostalgia surrounding surrounding early 2000s/ late 90s electronic music; think portishead, trip hop, ps2 demo discs, manipulated samples you might have a recollection of hearing in other places other than the track itself.

The Ever Infinite Nothing - To me this track is just pure existential dread where you're at the mercy of the knowledge and the self-awareness of being alive, and at the same time not being  able to know what comes after. Very deep, human condition, we live in a universe, etc, etc, we've all been there, I'm sure.

CLAWATMYSKINDIGATMYFACERIPOUTMYHAIR - Extremely brazen title compared to other ones. I was not sure I wanted to include this track at all just from how grating it is compared to the others, but in hindsight I don't think I could've introduced this track in a more fitting way. This track samples the prior track, the existential dread now being turned into complete turmoil as part of a very real issue; feeling alienated from your body. I feel like fast broken breaks and distorted screams accurately sonically depicts how that feels.

Summed up the album is largely about facing uncertainty with your place in the world. I don't know if I'll ever make something like this again, but we'll see. It's incredible to try something different because you're tapping into emotions and experiences you haven't touched before. The tracks practically made themselves.

I'd recommend it to anyone, it's been an incredibly cathartic experience. Reminder to try and not get stuck in it for too long though; and take care of yourself. <3

And as always, thanks for supporting me and my art.

Much love,
Alexis <3