A Storm's Lullaby Page 167 v2
Added 2021-08-19 08:46:00 +0000 UTCHop hop! After reading your feedback I have realised what I tried to pull off wasn't working. So I have rewritten the dialogue and made sure it works with the rest of the story.
Let me know what do you think!
Comments
Thank you :) It is a rare thing, indeed!
2021-08-22 21:20:53 +0000 UTCNot much to say about this page, except that it was really sweet. Tempest ‘s happy smile in the last panel is heartwarming. She’s not a pony who shows much emotions. And when she does it’s usually anger or a smug grin while she’s looking for a fight. Seeing her just happy with a warm smile on her face, is a rare thing.
NTG
2021-08-20 21:50:32 +0000 UTCGood, good ^_^
2021-08-20 14:20:38 +0000 UTCYay ^_^
2021-08-20 14:20:15 +0000 UTCMerci :)
2021-08-20 11:35:46 +0000 UTCYep, this version works much better than the previous one IMHO. A perfect example of 'less is more' and 'show not tell' :)
2021-08-19 19:01:38 +0000 UTCI think the new version is better. The previous dialog was leaving some new possibilities but frankly I am not expecting a complicated relationship situation that is retrospectively explained as a think they both instantly realized.
2021-08-19 18:45:15 +0000 UTCnot bad. we even have a new idea. like what she would come back from afar.
Lux The Pegasus
2021-08-19 17:38:51 +0000 UTCI admit that the page is a bit blurry for me too.
Lux The Pegasus
2021-08-19 11:57:28 +0000 UTCOh, I forgot to add the "tail". Now fixed. The coloured bubbles for off-screen dialogues indicate who is talking. I am not a big fan of this, but people got confused and that way there is just no room for doubt. The thought bubbles are usually rectangle, if I remember to make them so!
2021-08-19 11:54:48 +0000 UTCI am not sure if I understand, what do you mean by "the idea"?
2021-08-19 11:51:21 +0000 UTCCheers ^^
2021-08-19 11:51:08 +0000 UTCThat "...one last time" ... does she say it out loud? I thought the colored ones were always "thought-bubbles", yet in the last panel you use that style for what seems to be actual dialogue. i r confuse
2021-08-19 10:11:23 +0000 UTCSo she realized what is the most important to her and yet there's that "one last time"... hmmm. Smoothing out things with Thistle should be easy. They both know what they want and who they want to be with. So it doesn't make much sense. Did I miss something or is this Tempest being childish again and a "burnt" Thistle reluctant to stop her?
2021-08-19 10:00:36 +0000 UTCit is rather contradictory between party and doing it for the family. I don't have the impression that the idea is going very well.
Lux The Pegasus
2021-08-19 09:24:50 +0000 UTCawwwwwwwww. soo cute that last panel soo wonderful.
ShivalWolf
2021-08-19 09:00:51 +0000 UTC
