Wooo
Added 2020-01-09 23:08:21 +0000 UTCIn an alternate reality Blake became a varsity football team cheerleader and was always welcome in the locker room.
By the way the test version is still up (check the link in the post below) and I still need your opinion on it. No pressure though.
Comments
And thank you as well! I am very grateful for any kind of criticism. Because there’s also one thing I forgot to mention: I’m writing my scenes pretty much in real life (Rebecca’s shopping and Rebecca’s club were almost a week apart for me, and I might’ve lost the track a little bit). Which means that I not always can properly see the big picture and how well those scenes follow together. So any sorts of comments no matter how valid (and yours is very valid) are welcome.
Yeda Games
2020-01-10 12:34:00 +0000 UTCOkay, I can see what you were going for. Thanks for the response.
Dukem
2020-01-10 12:24:23 +0000 UTCI understand your point and agree to some extent, because I’ve been thinking about it for quite some time. But I want to be clear on a couple of moments: first, these “week later” screens are more or less one-time things specifically for 0.2, because: a.: I wanted to give Blake some time to get used to the situation and recover a bit from the initial shock, and b.: Melinda and Samuel spent most of the time (in Samuel’s case it’s the entirety of time) far away and Blake mostly hangs out by himself. Which is why I had to put their big scenes into dream sequences: Blake’s mind gone wild without supervising and started literally hallucinating. Melinda and Samuel for him are still more or less unknown entities, whom he considers to be purely evil and nothing else. Maybe in retrospective I should’ve paced it a little better, but in this case we won’t get any sex at this point, and I know that some people would be disappointed. However, now that we’re over with that and Blake considers himself to be a part of the house (that’s the point of his hospital monologue), the way I tell the story in 0.3 will change dramatically, I can promise you that. It will be far more condensed.
Yeda Games
2020-01-10 12:12:25 +0000 UTCI really dig what you've done with Shattered so far and I can’t wait for more. I do have a bit of constructive criticism about an aspect of the storytelling in the latest version though. I am not a big fan of the "A week later" time skip in between parts. There are a lot of events that seem to have affected Blake as a person occur in that amount of time (including the introduction of several side characters), but we don't see these moments play out. They are just mentioned in a long exposition monologue, and while I like the writing in that monologue, I would rather have seen Blake's character develop rather than just be told about it afterwards.
Dukem
2020-01-10 11:59:40 +0000 UTC
