The EA Pitch - Presentation (Art) Review

Still not understanding the double cat thing.....

Will there be mocap work? Or is that too early to tell?

Montagu Studios

Both are great sample pages! However there are a few things that could get changed.. The cat on the right looks too cartoony compared the the realistic style of the one on the left. In my opinion the opposite styles clash too much and I think having them both as one style would suit it better. Also, they stick out harshly from the background and look out of place so softening them around the edges and adding some darker shadows to indicate where the light source is coming from would give a nicer flow. I think it would be nice for the cats to resemble a similar art style of the creature or the background art from the 2nd sample page. You could even keep it to 1 Cheshire and maybe add another character in? (depending on how you want it to look). I agree about the EA text. The logo also seems to almost merge in with the background, is there any way of making it bolder?

Just keep one cat or make one the shadow of the other.... so that it's behind the first one and you see only part of it.

Lionor_

The bare-bones presentation we saw on the january 19th stream was 15 pages. There's room for all characters.

Make Nine Inch Nails great again

I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to squeeze an image of the Mad Hatter in somewhere, if he's to be an important part of this game as I think he might. Maybe replace one of the Chesires? Also maybe add another different big character image or two if these are the only panels. Right now it looks like it's just Alice, Chesire and Jabberwocky.

I would only do one cat on the first slide, not two, it feels confusing.

The thing I'm picking up on more than anything is the uncharred Cheshire Kitten. Cheshire Cat in the original games looked pretty ancient and four years less than pretty ancient is still pretty ancient. There could, however, be another cat, which is Alice's memory of her beloved Dinah. Ditto for the rest of the characters; there's no need to make them more juvenile because they don't exist in the real world, unless they were going to be toys/dolls, with characters she projects upon them to make them her friends (or otherwise). Apologies for straying off topic but I'm a bit behind with my brainstorming. Otherwise, if I get too finickity about the typefaces on the presentation slides it would detract from the content (and if you haven't guessed, kitten doesn't grab me). Typographically, those slides look absolutely fine, and if the proposal was going to fall down on some wavy bevelling it would be doomed from the start

I am pretty much in the same agreeing point as you with things as is. I believe enough has been said with the “make EA great again” so as per request, I’ll leave that alone and focus upon the rest. The “I” in the logo is a bit troublesome for me. At a glance, it’s very easily missed. And I’d assume if you weren’t already a fan of Alice, it may take some real inspecting to even realize it’s an “I” in the first place and says “Alice”. So perhaps a bit of rework on the “I” itself? Just a thought that could cross the EA team that reviews this minds. (I’m certain you already know.) This should be as visually, (as well as any other aspect) appealing to new fans as well as old. That is the issue I’m seeing with the logo. Besides that little tidbit, the “Alice” logo is beautiful as it is. Aside from the Rutledge logo itself, I think I can understand what was trying to be done with the repeated text at the bottom of each card. The card themselves are to resemble a form of the sorts given or used by the Rutledge staff. Maybe for more official documents? The idea is actually ingenious and I’m definitely a fan of it. But, that text could throw off and distract from the other points in the presentation. I’d hate if that was something that got more focus than the actual important points from confusion of its meaning. It could be in the best interest to scrap it completely, not using it at all. Unless there is a way to work it into a final card slide. It seems it’s there for more cosmetic use than to actually serve a purpose point in what’s trying to be told with the presentation. If I’m wrong in my assumptions then I am truly sorry. Only other thing that seems a bit bothersome to me, (minor detail really), the two Cheshire cats seem placed a bit oddly. Well to be clear, both of them on the same card with their placement is. Perhaps the burnt Cheshire could be flipped towards the other direction instead of facing the same as the younger Cheshire. Possibly scooted over a tad bit to the right. Other than that, it’s very nice (besides the already mentioned text being a tad generic looking compared to Alice logo itself.) which could simply be the shading or font detail. I definitely think you should consider using the chaos symbol for bullet points as Magus Dethen suggested. Wonderful way to carry your brand within this proposal. This all merely my opinion of course. I don’t want to sound entirely like a negative nelly, so I want to point out the things that I think are really working as well. The jabberwocky is a really nice touch, as well as the Rutledge Asylum logo. Very beautifully designed and matches with the Alice theme. The colors are also very vibrant, and despite the vast differences between color schemes, still work well within each other. The cards as a whole are also very nice. For something so simple they really showcase the theme that this game very well may go with. It all screams “this is another Alice game”. Which I’m thrilled to core about. Anyways sorry for blathering on, you guys are doing an amazing job so far and hope all goes well! Hopefully I haven’t overstepped any boundaries or insulted anyone. You all are truly talented and I enjoy seeing what’s to come.

Tori

I love it! I'm so excited this is happening! I think it looks great except I do agree that the silver font needs to change. Alice looks so cool and I love that her hair looks darker here. I hope for the final product its black like in Madness Returns.

I think it looks great!!I suppose the font on the other two pages does look a bit cheaper compared to Alice's name logo on the front also I think Alice needs to be in it more and stand out a lot more. I can't wait for the live stream and the art reviews

I'm so happy to hear how this is going. And hopefully EA supports it as much as we do. And I think the propsal looks good but I would add that I agree that when it comes to the logo less is more. I love the idea of what the artist did with the "I" in alice but the background of the "I" is a bit much and kinda looks like your trying to hard. I also agree that as cool as the new Cheshire cat is, (which is rwally is dope don't get me wrong) it's a little unnecessary since it's not that much of a dramatic change. But I am very in love wother the rest of the concept art and everything you have done this far. I'm super excited to hear how this goes and cannot wait to play the next game! Your doing a great job guys, keep it up!

4) Good idea, and kind of agree. Alice is the main character, though Cheshire is very important. I'm guessing, that there will be more pages for the pitch, with more opportunities to showcase art and game mechanics concepts. 5) LOVE this idea! Nice little detail (:

My takes on things (wall of text sorry): 1) The main logo Alice the L I C fads too much into the background to me. I do not know if it just the metal look which I like but maybe play with the colors to allow it to stand out against different backgrounds. 2) For fonts I think there are better options for the headers that say Alice better- <a href="https://fonts.google.com/specimen/Cinzel+Decorative" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://fonts.google.com/specimen/Cinzel+Decorative</a> is one that I think fits better (but that site is a great resource). 3) Back to fonts, I think everyone agrees with the metal not looking good, it looks too much like a quick Photoshop filter, I know it matches with the font for the logo for Madness Returns but for a pitch it needs to be readable. 4) You have the before and after Cheshire Cat but I think having Alice before and after would be a better showcase of the changes the game offers, we have all seen how Alice normally looks I think teasing out the burned Alice would help set the tone better. 5) Instead of the bullet points for the items why not use the chaos symbol? This would make the items stand out and keep with the branding you have. 6) I do like the Rutledge logo on the cards but I have the info repeated does get a bit lost. PS- <a href="https://www.patreon.com/posts/18213249">https://www.patreon.com/posts/18213249</a>

Morgan LeFay Dethen

Well, commenting specifically on the look/design/layout/artwork, I personally think it could do very well as is. :) I see what you mean about possibly stripping out the bottom "Rutledge" text on each cards, and maybe keeping the first line. Stripping both lines might result in "whitespace" that looks awkward, and having both lines on each page might be a bit too much unnecessary "sensory input"; so I like the idea of keeping just the "Rutledge" text on each page, and maybe having the full thing on an opening card to get the point across. On the other hand, I can see that having the second line there on the cards to deliver a "business card" aesthetic can work well, but that may work better when targeted at the consumers rather than EA execs. As for the card titles, I personally think it looks alright as is, since it matches the color of "Alice" text on the main logo. Good decision to not also match also match the "edginess" of the font, as that might come off too strong. One small note (and maybe this is insignificant, or clashes with what you're going for, or maybe you were already planning to do this). On the first card, I notice you have the..."nails" (is the best word I can use to describe it) in the top- left and right corners, where the left corner has the brown overlay while "nailed" to the rest of the card. I suspect this is meant to deliver the aesthetic of a frame holding a certificate (of asylum discharge, perhaps?), and if that's the case I would personally add the same overlay (and "nails" such as in the second card) on the top-right corner of the other cards for the sake of symmetry (unless it may block some significant art or text. I suspect that's why there's no "nail" in the second card top-right corner). Just my two cents. I'm not the best judge of perspective for something like this, but I hope anything I've said here helps. :) Speaking from the perspective of a consumer/gamer, I think this looks awesome and incredibly promising!!

Thank you for letting us know. As you see there is worry about it.

Morgan LeFay Dethen

The font treatment on silver text looks wrong for the document it needs to be the same font as the other text . I think the EA logo is only needed on front cover. I agree The full Rutledge text is not ``required at the bottom of every slide just the first line of it would be enough. Love all the the artwork especially seeing both sides of Cheshire cat .

I agree with the sentiment regarding the font treatment as it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the art and design, almost like it's "floating" in front of everything. Additionally, does the EA and A:A logo need to be on every page? The A:A logo especially has a lot going on, and on each page my eyes were drawn to it first. Much like the Rutledge text, perhaps its something that only needs to be done in full on the cover page, and then dropped?

I love the aesthetics of this presentation. However the logo should be removed due to it being redundant. Keep the small details that the other corners have and just have those in every corner instead. We know what game it is and they will not be questioning which game it is either. Love seeing both sides of Cheshire. I love the how much art work that is shown. This will definitely help them feel immersed in the presentation. Keep up the good thing!

Layout and design screams Alice, I love it. Looking forward to seeing the updated version after the minor changes you requested.

This looks great, the artwork is very well arranged. The silver text does seem kinda "cheap" so it should be changed. Hope it goes well 😀

And the silver font does appear to be a weak element in amongst all the amazing art work.

Oh, cool. Then no, the rutledge text is not necessary, your already have the logo in one corner, so maybe just put it on the first slide, under the logo, or have a slide at the end with the logo and the rutledge information

To everyone commenting on the "Make EA Great Again," please take note of my request that you NOT worry about the copy. I'm looking for feedback on the design, layout, and artwork. Thanks.

American McGee

Was pretty much going to say the same as some others. When trying to get a company to make your game, I'm not convinced that telling them they're not great is the best start. The whole redeeming reputation thing just feels like a massive slur against them, and if I was EA, I'd definitely be offended!

I agree, I'm afraid it would rather irritate them than convince them.

I really love the overall design of the pitch, it looks great! I fear that the whole "Make EA great again" thing might not go down so well. It feels to me more like a cheap (and somewhat political) joke, as opposed to something really makes this look like an amazing opportunity for them. While I really hate brown-nosing, I think it's important to emphasizes that this is a good business deal for them, and that there is a marked for creative, different, narrative games and that it will make EA look good, if they are seen support more indie-style games rather than expensive AAA blockbusters, (just look at the winners from the BAFTA Game Awards). it's a good integrity move. "What does EA get out of this?" is maybe too long for a title, but at this point I can't come up with anything better. "What's the catch?" perhaps?

I agree, all of it is awesome, keep it up, because you´re amazing guys, but make EA great again is pretty hilarious in a serious text like that XD

Looking awesome, but ‘make EA great again’? Doesn’t that slogan have kind of a negative connotation (with some) now-a-days?

I guess the plan was to get the silver title text to be like the 'Alice' in the logo, but its just not quite close enough yet. Love the rest of it, almost a shame it will just be a power point presentation !

That's looking good ! Keep it up guys !

100% agree with your comments, aside from that I think it looks great! Hopefully EA can see your vision :)