Self portrait faces

These aren't my traditonal self portraits. They're a range of facial expressions I challenged myself to make. This might not be at all what anyone wanted or expected. For this month, I wanted to rememeber why I started this and started this teir.  It was for figure artists not necessarily in the photography medium.  During the pandemic my Patreon turned into my word diary, and I didn't feel like that was fair or right. I wanted to make this a resource for people that want to see more of me as a model: the journey, more photos, more varieties. With the pandemic, I started back into more modeling for different mediums. I still have a lot to learn about how to cater to this. My current thought is art poses, but there is another purpose for modeling entirely that isn't just about shapes, blending into an image/environment smoothly, etc. My mind is focus on the end result, but sometimes modeling is about being a real, warm body. It's very literal and makes me wonder what my value is as a model if anyone could do it, because anyone can be a person with a body. The value is that I'm willing to do it, and I'm willing to do so as authentically as I can. It's about modeling as if I'm a normal person doing my normal daily activities, as if no one is watching and I'm not trying to create art in every movement/pose. It's just the realness. 

Admittedly I edited this a bit. I really need a better cover up (make up is a whole skill I still have barely a concept of ironically (or unironically, becasue being a woman or being a model doesn't insinuate that I should like or understand make up)). I also cropped in to focus on the face, and color balanced the photos a bit. These are not expressions from me living my life, these are expressions I called on command. I've worked hard to learn how to do this. I love modeling because it is often about living in the moment, but that moment is a memory or a situation I've put my mind into so that I can feel and thus express the feelings I need in the moment. Which sounds a little creepy, but it's what I learned in my acting classes. Even for myself, I'll often look at myself in the mirror when I can't tell my own feelings and try to understand them from my body language. I've also done the opposite of trying to learn my body language from looking in the mirror when I have a strong emotion. (I was so lonely and bored as a kid, but became rather useful as an adult) I also have a hard time remembering faces, including my own, so sometimes mirrors are satisfy a curiousity. I remember certain facial features now after modeling that are always there, no matter how my mood changes.

This tier/series is an exploration of expression and action of the human body. I started the first series with a bit of body, hands, and feet, but then misunderstood what I was working on still and went down a different track that felt more familiar.  It feels like an unfinished product because they are. The series should be stimulus to other projects and creation. It's easy to want to fill in all the roles when the other artists aren't in the room, but Patreon is really suppose to be an extension for my modeling, not my photography. Modeling is my art of choice for myself. It's what is curious and I create with. I just don't feel that same passion behind a camera, with a pencil, or even in other arts. I loved playing music and acting, but it doesn't touch me the same way.