Photos by Dent De Lion

Modeling has been slow, obviously. I live in an area that in general is slow. It has given me time to savor my old work and think on my own projects. I'm hoping to get another job to keep me active. The days blur together and I can't remember one week from another. Nothing moves but yet it's been months. I can't heal or grow in this space. If anything I feel like I'm not growing into anything. I know there is a lot to do from isolation, but no inspiration. I've thought about my modeling, and I just don't care about the social media aspect of modeling, especially if it doesn't lead to my modeling, more adventures, more living. It's just showing off and advertising my work, and I don't like creating a context for my modeling. I believe the work stands by itself, especially since they're not stories of my life or who I am. They're one off pieces or projects I work with other photographers on. What are stories of myself? I'm not sure I'm interested in sharing that really. I believe it taints the art a bit.  I've come around to thinking about what it would mean to reframe my modeling work. In a way it is important, and I gave a short effort to it. I tried sharing more of my philosophy, but often people don't read the captions or at least don't seem to understand. So is there a point in creating yet more drama and negative social experiences when ideally, I wouldn't be on social media if I could help it? 

I recently changed my Instagram a bit. Removed a lot of posts to make myself feel more reflected in my profile. I think the toughest part I have yet to swallow with modeling is the fantasy or fake personas people apply to me from looking at my work. I think it's hard because I worry about spreading and supporting the wrong ideas in the world, but also I don't want there to be the wrong idea of who I am. I have found that same pressure I read about from real celebrities. People come up with an idenity and then I can thrive off of that idenity or continue to fight it. It's hard to be someone in my twenties with no idea who I am, telling people who I am not. I could lean into the ideas about me, but then how much will that change myself in a direction untrue to myself.