Still a wandering millenial
Added 2020-03-22 21:01:55 +0000 UTCPhotographer Joseph Calvo
Quarantine is really just life between modeling tours. I sit at home, sending out travel notices, and freak out over everything because I have too much time on my hands. I got excited thinking this year I was going to end the cycle. My plan was work and tour all summer straight and then work on other projects and jobs during the modeling off season. The last few years I got burnt out of modeling, not from the modeling, but from the stretches of time spent in front of the computer, isolated in a messy house (my boyfriend isn't the most organized). Some people love it, but this was also the reason I didn't want to go into AI or the tech industry. Computers and numbers make me sad. For a few hours a day, I have no problem with crunching the figures and talking to people over social media, but I really thrive in person to person interactions, exploring, doing things, etc. I'm freaking out, not because I won't make money this year, but because it'll take me another year to test out my theory. Can I model without getting the cabin fever burn out period? Now I'll wait another year before I find out if modeling isn't the career for me or I can never find out and move on to the next thing in my life. I wasn't quite ready to make that choice yet. In a few years I wanted to start my own business, probably a cafe, but not any time too soon. I thought about taking classes in html, business, and accounting. I've gotten some gigs making people's websites, and it'd be cool to push that more. All those skills are super helpful to my own business desires. Accounting is a recent thought. I'm good at numbers. My dad wanted me to go into statistics, but most statistics jobs area bit corrupted or depressing. For instance, Fight Club. I don't want to be the person that calculates and knows the chances someone has to die in a car crash before a car is recalled. I'm the kind of person that will over think what I'm doing until I've convinced myself I'm responsible for the evil of the world. It takes a special kind of person to compartmentalize aspects of their life.
Even with modeling. I practice a lot of self talk to remind myself that not everything that goes wrong is a sign of my personal failing. Anyone who has read my posts, knows that I'm still struggling with coping.
I've loved volunteering and working with other people to remind myself how big the world is. Being cooped up at home makes it hard to think outside myself and away from my own problems.
I said it the other day that it's all a mind set, a mind set to handle how the crisis affects me and other people. I do not want to change my life plan or my goal chart. It's irrational for me to panic over it or refuse to change. It feels unfair to have no control in life of my environment or what happens to me. I was trying to remember what I do control, and it doesn't feel like I have control at all. I can either cry or not cry, but that hardly makes a difference.
Today I took my mind off of things and let myself get caught up in Facebook political banter, talk to a friend on the phone, start sewing, sleep in, and pester the cats.
What are other people doing with their lives? What have you done to cope or move on after feeling kicked down?
Comments
I've had many unplanned career changes in my life. Once, I found a job with a local grade school and teh staff asked me what haven't I done... I now smile looking back at my life on the many places (6) states and many "jobs" I've experienced good and bad. Trouble is it makes one memoirs very long and since no one likes to read anymore, I wonder if my Grandkids will even want to check them out!
Don Necessary
2021-05-08 01:01:12 +0000 UTCThank you so much for sharing. It does feel more relaxing to know other people have been kicked down and able to get back up. I've gotten back up so many times, I knew I'd do it again, but I still feel a bit in the mourning period. Probably because my future is still up in the air right now. People have been so kind and I'm glad everyone has been enjoying the posts
Astrid Kallsen
2020-03-24 14:45:17 +0000 UTCI've been knocked down several times in my life. It's never easy. First I dropped out of college to become a musician but my house was robbed and all my instruments were stolen. Then I finished my undergrad degree and was offered a grad school job across country by a professor who lied about there being a job, which I didn't find out until I had moved there. During my grad school research, my vehicle skidded off the road in a flood into a canal, and I had to break the window to escape; the vehicle sank to the bottom and all my belongings were lost or destroyed. I have more, but the main point is that after every single one of these times, I had the choice between lying down and giving up, or making myself move forward, no matter how tired, how defeated, how lost ... Yes, sometimes I needed to take time to myself, to recharge, to gather my strength, but in the end, I always had to move forward. In recent times, I've experienced some personal setbacks of a magnitude I never expected, and it's taking me longer to bounce back than normal. I'm still working on it, on finding joy again in life. It helps me to read things like your post here, to know I'm not alone, not the only person struggling. We're all in it together. Community can really help. I work from home and have for years, so isolation is an ongoing problem. Anyway, I've rambled on enough. Thanks for sharing and if it helps, I'm always excited to see your new work.
kollin
2020-03-23 17:17:15 +0000 UTC
