Images by Stories in a Picture

Freelance modeling is a strange profession.  I'm not sure what to relate it to.  When I first started modeling it was a hobby.  I picked it up from a friend that did photography, and then his friends. I started searching for other photographers to work with.  It didn't much matter what kind of work they did, I had a fascination with all of it. I still don't know if I have a favorite genre.  I don't think I could only do self portraits too, as I see my own photography style building, and I might feel limited by myself.  Sometimes I think I hate art nudes in nature, but really it's just that I end up missing other genres. Once I pick up other genres, I then start missing art nudes.  There is something majestic about posing nude in nature. I feel like a tree, growing from the earth and my limbs grow from me.  I feel strong among the rocks and dirt. The pain of bark, prickling plants, hard edges, etc makes me think I'm building some sort of resilience.  

I had an experience this week, where I was able to get out of my head again while modeling. For the last few years, it felt like I wanted to be myself in the art.  I wanted to expose some part of myself. But I don't think I do. I think that's all the pressures of the outside world, trying to identify me and tell me how to express myself.  I don't necessarily find modeling to be escapism, but a time of empathy for others. It's a time to try to understand another person and their perspective.  I was so eager to make a theme or brand in my modeling, I got caught up in that.  I think some other models find this easier. They use modeling as their art. I feel the art, but it's my feelings and body that is my art.  Modeling isn't a soul searching journey for me, although the hobby turned profession certainly helped me find my soul and myself. Modeling doesn't have to be about who I am or capturing that. It was stressing me out so bad to try to force my own personality into my modeling.  The person you often see in the photographs isn't me. It's my body, but another persona taking it over.  

I wonder how these revelations will develop in my work over the next few months, and if I'll still find them to be true.