Second beat sheet experiment
Added 2023-01-02 15:33:11 +0000 UTCHey guys! I wanted to improve the Kob scene from the last episode. Normally I'd just jump into the code and start rewriting, but I decided to try creating a beat sheet instead to see if it helped.
In the original version of the scene, Kob came up to the apartment and Kate blew him in the bathroom. It felt really, really fake, and was improved greatly by moving the action out to his car.
However, I wanted to add a path where Kate can say no, and also felt like there wasn't really enough build-up and emotion in the scene. I've tried to address these problems in the beat sheet attached.
Please let me know if this is better or not, and any suggestions you have to make it hotter or fill in vivid details.
My thots
Writing this took four pomodoros, so on the one claw this method adds extra time to the process.
However, I feel like I came up with better ideas while working at this level (instead of being buried in the code), and also that having a very detailed plan will speed up the actual writing overall.
Let me know your thots!
Comments
Wait! "Pomodoros"? This means pomodoro porn is back?
Brzęczyszczykiewicz
2023-01-08 22:18:51 +0000 UTCI feel that for this option to be realistic, more content on earlier distrust for Kate would compel her to make such a choice for success of the overall mission.
Nat_Restlez
2023-01-03 18:40:26 +0000 UTCI agree with most in here that it would be better to focus on continuing the main story, rather than obsess over altering already published scenes. However, if you're still interested in making this scene hotter, I'll repeat my suggestion in an earlier thread. I would like to see an option for intercourse between Kate and Kob. Earlier, I tried to come up with a scenario where this could be implemented, but after reading it back, it didn't really fit with the basis of the scene, nor Kate's personality. That being said, I think I've come up with a practical alternative. You could write it so that Kob had a little devious plan in mind for Kate. He could produce a bag of coke far smaller than expected, by which Kate is a little perturbed. Kob explains that it's all he is willing to fork over for a BJ. However, he produces another bag, which would now double what was originally offered, in exchange for fucking her. Kate mulls it over and realizes that being more slutty in exchange for extra coke could help boost her relationship with the bargirls, plus significantly lower the suspicion level, which could only improve her chances for a successful mission. Of course, she could either decline Kob's request and just take the one bag for a BJ, or accept and end up with both bags, which, of course, follows a steamy sex scene with full on intercourse. The scene could be extra steamy if Kob fucks Kate outside, with Kate bent over the hood of his car or something. Depending on whether or not the apartment faces the street, you could have some of the bargirls spying on the action down below, which would result in added respect and trust for Kate.
Steve C
2023-01-03 15:31:57 +0000 UTC
