He Writes Rewrites On the Sea Shore
Added 2024-06-05 18:23:47 +0000 UTCHeeyyyy.
Couple of quick notes.
1. I did a rewrite of some troublesome book 9 scenes and added in a bit more stuff about the takeover. Not loads, and mostly not in Max's POV because he's in denial somewhat. But if you want to do a tiny re-read, start with the Merry Kisimas chapter. It's only a couple of changes but they show that there's loads of extraneous stuff going on that is getting under Max's skin.
That leads to the Pascal chapter (small changes) which leads to They Think It's All Over (big changes). The entire second half of that is a new POV and should be a smoother ride.
Then the epilogue has a rewritten Brooke scene because some of you read the tired giggly flirting as BIG LOVE TRIANGLE. I have clarified that scene to show no, it's just exultant silliness.
Hope you like these new versions better!
2. Friday's chapter is looking good but will be shorter than you like. Annoyingly, this is entirely to accommodate a terrible pun which I want to use as the title of chapter 2. But that just means you get a longer Monday chapter so it should be all right.
3. Support? Thanks!
Comments
Everything's possible in the future! Being in the current league limits Max a lot.
Ted Steel
2024-06-06 18:42:48 +0000 UTCRandom note cribbing off of Chris Memmott's note, but any thoughts on getting a Chinese football player? Apparently it's a major running jokes of sorts with the online Chinese writing community that gets machine and paid translations regarding just how poor their national team is. (I am not Chinese and would not be able to help figure this out)
Droman
2024-06-06 17:43:37 +0000 UTCThat's good, I shall continue to provide it. ;)
BelligerentGnu
2024-06-06 13:53:42 +0000 UTCI personally was 90% sure it was silliness but enjoyed the uncertainty. Not at all disappointed by the original, slightly regretful you felt you needed the change, but will withhold judgement until reread
Caerold
2024-06-06 11:31:58 +0000 UTCIf people misread it as flirtiness I see that as a plus. Readers getting the wrong idea from such a scene is kinda fun and not necessarily representative of how the chars actually feel in the moment
Caerold
2024-06-06 11:29:02 +0000 UTCI sent you one. Hopefully that'll let you reply!
Ted Steel
2024-06-05 21:12:06 +0000 UTCMore than happy to share my thoughts, I think it would fit really well! Can't seem to start a convo woth you, just says error
Chris Memmott
2024-06-05 21:10:41 +0000 UTCI mean if you're keen please send me a message detailing how it would work but I have to say I don't have the intrinsic knowledge to do a good job on that one and I would be very hesitant. Very keen to learn more about it, though!
Ted Steel
2024-06-05 21:06:53 +0000 UTCHey, wondering if you have considered Max finding an autistic player? Maybe overlooked because of lacking social skills. Would really fit the way he finds talent others overlook. (If you would be interested in autism info I'm autistic and train nhs staff on the subject, happy to help)
Chris Memmott
2024-06-05 20:57:21 +0000 UTCThanksssss!!!!
Ted Steel
2024-06-05 20:39:32 +0000 UTCRereading and noticed near the end of Merry Kisimas, Dr Green says he’s not “mad keen” on surprises. That’s super British. The American equivalent would probably be “real big” or maybe “a fan of.”
Overprepared GM
2024-06-05 20:35:31 +0000 UTCTake your pick! They are all amazing. It's not this one but I wish it was: The Holy Roman Empire is neither Holy, nor Roman, nor an Empire.
Ted Steel
2024-06-05 19:52:50 +0000 UTCJust to be a billion percent clear, it's my failure as a writer that it turned out so unsatisfying! I'm always happy to get your feedback when there's still time to turn things around!
Ted Steel
2024-06-05 18:55:07 +0000 UTCJust read the new ending of they think it's over. Huge improvement! Having the outside perspective makes a world of difference, and the ending feels like a much better setup to the next chapter. But seriously, Ted, this is genuinely bothering me: What did Voltaire say?
BelligerentGnu
2024-06-05 18:51:38 +0000 UTCI am relieved beyond measure that it was just tired silliness. Can't wait for next chapter!
BelligerentGnu
2024-06-05 18:39:45 +0000 UTCCan't re-read just yet but definitely in support of these edits! Looking forward to Friday even if it's short.
Mack
2024-06-05 18:38:01 +0000 UTCYou're a glutton for punishment.
Ted Steel
2024-06-05 18:28:35 +0000 UTCI am in full support of terrible puns
Geoff Urland
2024-06-05 18:25:03 +0000 UTC
