We Don't Talk About The Train Show

STARLIGHT EXPRESS! STARLIGHT EXPRESS! Starlight Express! Starlight Express.

Now that's we've gotten that out of our system, this pic will probably be the first in a series. The sisters Sous La Mer (not pictured) brought the Train Show That Must Not Be Named (very Macbeth), to St. Charlies as a dedicated production and tourist attraction. For this, I have to get very good at quickly drawing complicated train costumes. I took aspects from a quarter century of fluctuating costume designs from the canon show, thereby creating a style that's inspired by reality but distinctly WwF. Sorry I skipped the more intricate painting technique on this pic, but it was already taking forever to finish.

FOR THE UNINITIATED: Starlight Express (Stex) is a musical play and Andrew Lloyd Webber's kinky Thomas The Tank Engine spinoff fanfic. It is about a bunch of anthropomorphic engines and their train car friends trying to win a BIG RAILROAD RACE that will decide which train can go to the Heavyside Layer--shit, nix that last part. Lloyd Webber is sick of and hates Stex, but it makes him buckets of money so he just keeps altering it and throwing it back onstage. He's been doing this since the early 80s. Those of us who enjoy Stex love it for its janky techno aesthetic, blatant homoeroticism (lost entirely on the normies, go figure) and unsurpassed goofy audacity.

Ike Best as Electra The Engine Of The Future: Electra is a nonbinary, pansexual electric train and they have a canon song about same, I shit you not. Electra is one of two snotty villain trains who want to win the BIG RAILROAD RACE against the pure-hearted steam train hero. Despite being a grumpy elephant man, Ike adores his job, and is afraid he will lose it, as he is hiding a significant ankle injury from his bosses.  

Autumn Somers as Rusty The Steam Train: Autumn is a 19-year old dik dik and a singing and dancing prodigy that the Sous La Mers scooped off the pavement and stuffed in a pair of roller skates. She is very smol, which is OK because Rusty is a classic underdog sort, trying to win the BIG RAILROAD RACE against all odds. Audiences adore Autumn, and nobody seems to mind that this cute girl is playing the romantic male lead. Hal, it's about trains.

Ellis Grey as Pearl The Observation Car: So in order to participate in the BIG RAILROAD RACE, an engine must partner up with a train car. This has friendship/romantic partnership implications, and Pearl is the pretty first-class carriage lady over whose attentions Rusty and the bad guys are fighting. Ellis is a nonbinary actor who also happens to be a chameleon; they are exceptionally skilled at changing their scale colors at will, which is a pretty cool on-stage effect. Liz tells me that they did not name Ellis after Greg Ellis, one of the original performers of Rusty in London, but I'm going to pretend she did. 

Peter Shoemaker as Greaseball The Union Pacific Diesel: Peter is a muscular giant centipede and he ain't too bright, but the man can dance and that's all we ask. Greaseball is an asshole diesel engine who bullies the other trains, does his girlfriend (not shown) dirty and has Elvis hair. What's wild is that in the brand new IRL London production, Greaseball has been genderbent and is now a mullet-wearing rocker-grrl butch lesbian train. As you can imagine, nobody is eating this up but me. Greaseball will keep his he/him pronouns in St. Charlies for now, but the Sous La Mers don't care so much about what's in your pants, as long as you don't crash up, plummet from the stage and squash a bunch of tourists.

When We Fly (c)Kae

If you've made it this far, I love you and you're my favorite. Liz helped me come up with a lot of the WwF Stex cast. Here's some El De Barge.   https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=_rgX9tlF8Bk&si=T1-pC5ihDM86-3jK