The Riddler Speaks - Casefile #0146

TRS - Casefile #0146

EDWARD: Anonymous asks: Dear Riddler, can we hear Query and/or Echo say something? Thanks, Jo. DefinitelyNotClayFace asks: Mr. Nygma, are we ever going to hear from your lovely associates Echo and Query on this blog? Also, Anonymous asks: Why always henchgirls and never henchmen?

For those who don’t know, allow me to give you some background on my dynamic duo. Query works as a bouncer in a popular Gotham nightclub, and Echo is an active member of a motorcycle club. I shall refrain from specifics for obvious, incriminatory reasons. Suffice it to say they have their own lives and side projects to occupy their time, and due to their association with me, they tend to work together. As you no doubt noticed, I have not appeared to require their help for some time, but that is the beauty of having people behind the scenes. I have employed Echo to manage the continued sanctity of my car; respect for classic vehicles being among her interests. As for Query, she and some of her other like-minded friends have made sure that my apartment remains in the state that I left it. As one of the few solvent rogues in Gotham, my home and possessions are vulnerable to outsiders in my absence. They are paid handsomely for their efforts, you understand; I appreciate good work. As for hearing them speak, I’m sure I can arrange something, hmm… (opens door) Cooper?  No, no, no, no… too goody-goody. Ah! Lynch! Ho there! (snaps fingers twice) Lynch!

LYNCH: Whaddya want, Nygma?

EDWARD: I require the use of your mobile phone.

LYNCH: Guards are prohibited from keeping mobile phones on their person, as you well know.

EDWARD: Oh, I know - that’s why I’m asking YOU. 

LYNCH: Fuck off.

EDWARD: Your wife… Florence, isn’t it? Want to know what’s she REALLY doing on her… bridge nights? It’s all on this itty bitty USB drive. And it could be yours for two minutes on that phone you don’t have. Mmm?

LYNCH: ONE minute.

EDWARD: Much obliged. (closes door) Now. Let’s just punch in the number… ah! It’s ringing. Hello! I’d like to speak to Ms. Vance, please. (humming to himself) Query dear! Riddler. I’ve got a favour to ask of you. No, it’s nothing weird. Why do you always ask that? I merely request that you say a few words to my… beloved audience. Wha - What… Why, my eternal respect, of course. *(sigh) Fine. Two hundred. Well three, then. Five hundred, and that’s my final offer. Good. What do you mean, ‘what do you say’? I don’t know! Just say SOMETHING! Hold on, I’ve got to put you on speaker.

(EDM music plays)

EDWARD: Alright, Query, let them have it.

QUERY: Something. (hangs up)

EDWARD: (irritated sigh) Oh, isn’t she a pip? You can see why I do the talking and they do the fetching and carrying now, hmm? I hope you’re all VERY happy. You just cost me five hundred dollars. (door opens)

LYNCH: The fuck you playin’ at?

EDWARD: Hmm? 

LYNCH: It says she just plays bridge.

EDWARD: That’s all she does. Shame on you for not trusting your wife.

LYNCH: (growls) Asshole.

(door closes)

EDWARD: (laughs) Pridurok. (Russian: Moron) So! Where was I? Ah yes, well, that was Query, and you could expect the same response from Echo, only slightly more British. Oh, and the other question, henchgirls over henchmen, well - I wasn’t aware there was any difference I mean, henching is henching. Query and Echo were the best fit for the job, and continue to be so. They don’t work for me full-time - I mean they’re not my servants - I merely call on them when I require expertise. I’m not paying them to loaf about and put their dirty boots up on my furniture while I’m away, that’s for certain. That they have their own interests away from me, I find ideal. They don’t need me or rely on me. They are professionals, after all. And don’t attribute any affirmative action bias to me, thank you. The hiring process was a level playing field, and those two were the best - out of the women and the men. Now that I come to consider it, I suppose I could employ them to pull me out of here. Bah! But where is the challenge in that? I’d rather do it myself, when I’m ready; I mean I already know how. Right at this moment, I’m enjoying the vacation away from attempts on my life, though Bolton longs for nothing more than to flush my head, but that’s a minor inconvenience. I’m content to drop anchor here, at present.

(knock at the door)

EDWARD: Oh for pity’s sake! Lynch, you’re not gonna… Oh. Hello. (is knocked out)