Epiphabee

Hey everybody!
Another musical episode, another tune from the vault of the Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S. archive. As Sondheim and Bultch were working on their one and only collaboration, a jazz musical called "What's the Buzz?" that was unfortunately lost to time, many of Sondheim's old songs were refashioned to potentially fit into what he referred to as "the ultimate Sondheim experience" and "the greatest American musical ever made" and "like Anyone Can Whistle, but with bees." This is one of those songs. Please enjoy!

-CV

“Epiphabee”
Music by Stephen Sondheim
Lyrics by Dr. Samuel Bultch, D.D.S.
Feat. Eleanor Philips as “Mrs. Hornet”

Hornet:
All this buzzin’ and swarmin’
What is it now, drone?

Sweebee:
I had him and then-

Hornet:
That bumble busted in!
I saw them both buzzin’ down the street
And I said to myself: “The bee’s in the bonnet for sure!”

Sweebee:
(Sung)
I HAD HIM.
HIS THORAX BARE BENEATH MY HAND-

Hornet:
There there, drone, don’t jet-

Sweebee:
NO I HAD HIM
HIS THORAX THERE
AND HE’LL NEVER BUZZ AGAIN!

Hornet:
EASY NOW
FEEL MY FUZZ
I KEEP ASKIN’ YOU:
“WHAT’S THE BUZZ?”

Sweebee:
WHEN?
WHY DID I WAIT?
YOU TOLD ME TO WAIT!
NOW HE’LL NEVER BUZZ AGAIN!

THERE’S A HOLE IN THE WORLD LIKE A HELL-HOT HIVE
AND IT’S FILLED WITH BUZZERS WHO ARE FILLED WITH DRIVE
AND THE JAZZERS OF THE WORLD REFUSE TO JIVE
BUT NOT FOR LONG

THEY ALL DESERVE TO FLY
TELL YA WHY, MRS. HORNET
TELL YA WHY

BEE-CAUSE IN ALL OF THE WHOLE BUZZIN’ WORLD, MRS. HORNET
THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF DRONES AND ONLY TWO
THERE’S THE ONE PLAYING JAZZ AT THE PROPER PACE
AND THE ONE TAKING WALKS ON AN UPRIGHT BASS
LOOK AT ME, MRS. HORNET
LOOK AT YOU!

NO WE ALL DESERVE TO FLY
TELL YA WHY, MRS. HORNET
TELL YA WHY
BEE-CAUSE THOSE TRAPPED IN THE SYSTEM SHOULD BEE SET FREE
TILL THE REST OF US GET BEEMOCRACY
WE ALL DESERVE TO FLY!

AND I’LL NEVER SEE WASPANA
NO I’LL NEVER
HUG MY QUEEN TO ME
FINISHED!

ALL RIGHT!
YOU BEE
HOW ABOUT A STING?
COME AND VISIT
YOUR GOOD FRIEND, SWEEBEE
YOU BEE, TOO BEE?
EVERYONE TAKE WING

I WILL HAVE JAZZ FLUTES!
I’LL HAVE POLLINATION!

WHO BEE, YOU BEE?
NO ONE’S IN THE AIR
COME ON, COME ON!
SWEEBEE’S WAITING
HE WANTS YOU BREEDERS
YOU BEE? ANYBEEDY?
GENTLEBEES, NOW DON’T BEE SHY!

NOT POLLEN
NO NOR STAMEN
NOR SOME HONEY
CAN ASSUAGE ME
I WILL HAVE JAZZ!

AND I WILL STICK HIM DOWN WITH SOME HONEYCOMB
IN THE MEANTIME I’ll STING ME SOME LESS HONORABLE DOMES!

AND MY LUC-BEE
HAS BEEN SQUISHÉD
AND I’LL NEVER
SEE MY QUEEN AGAIN
BUT THE WORK WAITS!
I’VE A HIVE A LAST
AND I’M FULL OF JAZZ!!!!

Hornet:
(Spoken)
That’s all very well
But what are we gonna do about the Ital-bee-an?