Jaune the Imperishable or how Settra got his Golden Body (RWBY/Warhammer Fantasy) ch.15

+++

Pyrrha was worried.

Jaune had been quiet for most of the afternoon, his face scrunched in deep thought. Likely talking to that Vacuan king inside his brain. Just thinking about it sounded insane. She didn't need to angst too much over the unfortunate entity residing in Jaune's head, though. Settra was an arrogant, imperious braggart who seemed to believe the world revolved around him. Not entirely unwarranted, admittedly. His possession of Jaune during the examination had proven he could walk the talk. But that only made it worse. The man.. spirit...thing had a pillar to stand on.

When class was finally dismissed, most were quick to leave. Weiss had somehow managed to get bested by a boarbatusk of all things, though it wasn't entirely her fault. The Grimm was wild and unpredictable, forcing her to use her glyphs to subdue it. That worked, but not before she received a swift headbutt to the face. Her aura had taken most of the impact, but the wound to her pride would need mending with ice cream. Ruby, ever eager to help, had all but dragged her out of the hall to provide it.

A few students lingered in the hall, chatting with their teams, but none Pyrrha recognized. It wouldn't look out of place for her to talk to Jaune now. Gathering her courage, she turned to the blonde, who was just getting back to his feet. This was her chance.

"Jaune?"

The blonde blinked. "Oh, huh? Yeah? What's up, Pyrrha?"

"You were…" she hesitated. "…stoic through the whole class. Are you alright?"

Jaune blinked again, glanced around the room, and sighed. "Not here," he said, making Pyrrha nervous. What sort of deep and ancient wisdom was Settra imparting to Jaune? Surely only sage advice could bring him to such quiet reflection.

They packed their things, and Jaune led her out of the hall. He paused at one point, staring at nothing in particular, then nodded. "Yup, this'll do," he whispered ominously.

Their path led them through less crowded hallways and, eventually, to a hedge-row garden behind the lecture hall. It was beautiful in a palatial sense, with its benches and little marble statues of heroes. The sun shone high in the sky, and birds chirped cheerfully from the branches. For some reason, Pyrrha's heart skipped a beat. If she didn't know better, this would be the perfect spot for a confession.

Such a thing would be ridiculous, Pyrrha reminded herself. She and Jaune were just friends. Comrades. Colleagues. Companions.

Jaune stopped walking and looked up at the sky, his back to her. Pyrrha stopped too, concern etched on her face. When Jaune glanced over his shoulder, his expression was utterly serious. Pyrrha braced herself.

"Settra called me poor," Jaune reported with complete sincerity.

Pyrrha blinked.

"…What?"

Jaune pressed on, as if his words explained everything. "And apparently, I need to get some bling. His gods don't accept electronic payments."

Her team leader glowed faintly, and from his glow emerged a shadow: a thoroughly unimpressed, copper-skinned God-King with his arms crossed. His voice was deep, and accented with a clear Vacuan tinge. "Did you seriously think, Jaune of Arc, that mighty Ptra, beautiful Sehkmet, or terrible Djaf would stoop so low as to become FinanceBros?"

"Settra, FinanceBro is an app," Jaune corrected.

"I knew that," Settra retorted. "But the fact remains, the gods cannot access such things. We will need at least a minimum to gain their assistance."

"Minimum?" Pyrrha blinked, finally catching up with the conversation, though her mind was still struggling with the absurdity of her life at the moment. "What sort of minimum?"

Settra turned to her, rubbing his glorious copper chin with his thumb. "One talent of gold should suffice for minor boons. The gods are not unreasonable."

Jaune gave the God-King a long, hard look. "And…how much is a talent of gold?"

Pyrrha's upbringing had not only taught her how to fight. As a scion of a warrior culture, she had also been taught refinement and knowledge. After all, her people had introduced the idea of currency to the world.

"A talent is roughly thirty-five kilograms," she explained, earning their attention. "That would amount to approximately five thousand lien."

Jaune's eyes widened. His mouth quivered. "Five thousand lien?"

"See? This would have been easier if your people still used gold and silver, as civilized cultures do," Settra growled, clearly disgusted by the concept of invisible money. He turned back to Jaune but paused. He was about to ask if Jaune had that much gold, but barring the hair on his head, this boy was bereft of finery.

Jaune's shoulders slumped in despair. "Do we really have to sacrifice to your gods, Settra?"

He yelped when the ancient king flicked him on the forehead. "Do not be foolish. Of course we must. Without constant sacrifices, the gods will show their displeasure. You do not want to see what that looks like, Jaune of Arc."

Pyrrha felt a rush of pity for Jaune. Then, an idea lit up her mind. "Well, if money is what we need, Jaune, you have Weiss and me. I'm not sure about Weiss, but I'd be happy to contribute some lien if it's necessary."

Settra nodded approvingly. "Ah, your queen is covering for you, Jaune of Arc. Be sure to thank her."

"Are you sure about this, Pyrrha?" Jaune blinked, rubbing the back of his head. "This is my problem, not yours. I don't want to burden you."

"Oh, you wouldn't have to worry about that," Pyrrha replied dryly. It wasn't as if such an amount would break her finances. "But I must warn you, I'll need to declare it to my accountants before making a withdrawal."

Jaune stared at her, then his head drooped further.

"Is…something wrong?" Pyrrha asked, now worried.

"Will they accept 'sacrifices to Settra's gods and world domination' as reasonable expenses?" Jaune asked glumly.

Oh.

"They won't," Pyrrha admitted, her voice tinged with reluctant amusement. She folded her arms, tilting her head in thought. "But I suppose I could try to frame it as a cultural expenditure. Maybe something about preserving ancient traditions?"

She paused, shaking her head. "No...wait, that wouldn't work. As far as the world is concerned, Settra is...well...not most people have heard of him."

And there was the whole ancient God-King spirit living inside Jaune's head.

Settra growled, utterly annoyed and offended that Remnant did not tremble before his name. "This is ridiculous. Settra will not be contained by bureaucracy. Nehekhara did not question me when I needed it treasury."

"That's because you're their God-King, Settra," Jaune pointed out. "Pyrrha cannot exactly order people around willy nilly."

The redhead nodded. "I've never really been the type for extravagant spending. Purchases would attract questions."

Jaune groaned, burying his face in his hands. "This is so dumb. Why do these gods even need sacrifices? They're god-ow!"

Settra had flicked him sharply on the forehead, his coppery face twisted in disdain. "You are fortunate I do not have my whip, or your back would bear a thousand and one lashings for such blasphemy."

"Blasphemy?" Jaune muttered, rubbing his forehead.

Settra tutted, crossing his arms imperiously. "I told you already, Jaune of Arc. This is an equivalent exchange. A transaction. Sacrifices for boons. No more, no less. The gods do not simply give. They trade. To suggest otherwise is to insult divine order itself!"

Jaune sighed. "Okay, fine. I get it. So…what's the plan? What's the realistic way we're supposed to pull this off?"

Pyrrha folded her arms, considering their predicament. They could earn the money, little by little. Even as first years, they had access to extracurricular tasks and missions that could bring in some income. It wouldn't be fast, but it was doable.

Or...

"Wait." Pyrrha's eyes lit up as a thought struck her. "Does it have to be gold and silver exactly?"

Jaune and Settra both turned to her, though Settra's expression was considerably more intrigued. He rubbed his chin, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully.

"Hm. As long as it is valuable and physical, the gods would be willing to accept," he said slowly.

"What about Dust?" Pyrrha suggested. "It's incredibly valuable, and it has elemental properties. Surely your gods would recognize its worth?"

Settra's brow furrowed, his expression one of deep contemplation. His lips pursed as he weighed the suggestion, clearly torn between his ancient sensibilities and the practicality of modern solutions.Finally, he nodded once, though his reluctance was palpable. "Perhaps. Your Dust is a powerful substance. The gods may find it.. acceptable, though it is a far cry from the valuables or souls they are accustomed to."

Wait, souls?

Jaune brightened immediately. "Really? Dust could work? That's great!"

Settra raised a hand, silencing him before he could get too excited. "Do not mistake this for an easy solution, Jaune of Arc. The gods will not accept mere scraps. The offering must be significant. A grand gesture worthy of their divine attention."

Jaune slumped again, muttering under his breath. "Of course it does. Why would anything about this be easy?"

"Luckily," Pyrrha inserted herself before the two could argue with each other. "A good Companion of ours can help us. And ordering Dust wouldn't be too suspicious."

Jaune blinked. Then his eyes widened. 

+++

Weiss Schnee growled softly to herself, her frustration evident as she noisily yet somehow tastefully indulged in the triple-colored banana split ice cream before her. The cafeteria, open for most hours, was a steady hub of activity. While it wasn't the chaos of rush hour, plenty of students and staff lingered, chatting and eating. Across the table, Ruby sat with all the grace of a hurricane, demolishing a plate of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies like an unstoppable force of nature.

Ruby sighed contentedly, washing down her conquest with a glass of cold milk.

The day had started…well enough. Jaune had rejoined them, and they'd attended class together as a team. Nothing particularly thrilling, but they'd done it together. Ruby leaned back in her chair, her feet swinging slightly off the ground, and looked across at her partner with a bright smile.

"Ah, fine day, isn't it, Weiss?" Ruby sighed again, her voice light and cheerful.

Weiss paused mid-scoop. Her icy blue eyes narrowed slightly. "I had a boarbatusk headbutt me, Ruby."

Ruby blinked, her smile faltering. "Well…it was coming at you pretty fast. You couldn't really be blamed for missing that," she offered, her tone hopeful, trying to smooth over the situation.

Weiss set her spoon down with deliberate precision, her fingers tightening on the edge of the table. "No, damn it," she said, taking a deep, steadying breath. "It's my first day, Ruby. My first day, and I was bested by a boarbatusk. A Boarbatusk." She emphasized, then leaned back in her chair, her voice indignant. "Do you know what that means? Losing to something so common? I have barely begun my journey to become a Huntress and I am losing."

Ruby winced, watching her partner's growing agitation. She opened her mouth to say something reassuring but hesitated as Weiss's expression shifted. Her shoulders sagged ever so slightly, and her voice grew quieter, into a whisper. "A Schnee does not fail. Weiss Schnee does not fail," she said, her eyes glittering with a vulnerability rarely seen.

Ruby's heart sank a little at the sight. She knew Weiss prided herself on her composure, on her ability to rise above any challenge. But here, in this small moment, Weiss's insecurities peeked through.

Ruby smiled softly, her tone gentle. "Weiss, it's just one slip-up. You're still incredible. You were like, zigging and zagging with your glyphs. And, hey, everyone has an off day, right? Even pros."

To her pain, Weiss glanced up, her expression icy. "You have no idea what my life is like, Ruby. I...I must be successful, lest..."

"Lest...?" Ruby whispered softly, her voice barely audible.

Weiss looked conflicted, her usually composed demeanor cracking for just a moment. Then...she shook her head and returned her attention to her banana split. "None of your business," she said flatly.

Ruby felt her heart sink. She...she wasn't experienced in having many friends. But even she could tell Weiss was hiding something. Ruby wanted to help her, to make her feel like everything was going to be okay. But instead, she felt useless, a weight pressing against her chest. She wouldn't dare say it aloud, but the thought gnawed at her. She was supposed to be Weiss's Companion, as Pyrrha had put it. A battle-buddy. Her bestie westie. If she couldn't help Weiss...what good was she?

"Well, well, well!" A familiar voice rang out behind her. Before Ruby could react, she was suddenly suffocated by two heavy weights covering her vision.

And breathing.

"Wah! Yang! Let me go!" Ruby's protests came out muffled as the blonde caught her in a surprise hug, squeezing her tightly.

Weiss frowned, her icy expression sharpening. "Xiao Long, I would appreciate it if you refrained from murdering my partner with your garish and uncouth barbarities."

Yang paused mid-hug, then snorted, "Really? Barbarities? You know what they are called, Weiss Cream."

Weiss's fingers tightened around her spoon, knuckles whitening. "Call me Weiss Cream again, and I will personally toss you into the sun."

"You can't do that," Yang teased, her grin widening. "I've got an energy shield."

Weiss turned her glare toward the black-haired girl standing quietly at Yang's side. "Do you have nothing to say about this behavior?"

Blake, if Weiss remembered correctly, turned towards the blonde, who in turn smirked at her. Then, she shifted her attention to Weiss, and shook her head.

Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose, muttering something under her breath. Yang grinned, then mercifully, let Ruby go. Ruby gasped for breath, feeling the air coursing through her lungs. When her breathing stabilized, she glared at Yang.

"Yang!" she protested.

The blonde chuckled to herself as she plopped down beside Ruby. "You make it too easy, Rubes." She blinked, glancing around the table. "Hey, where are Pyrrha and Golden Boy?"

On the seat to her right, Blake sat down silently, whispering apologies to Weiss for their team's lack of decorum. Weiss didn't even bother acknowledging it. Vale was supposed to be a kingdom of culture. But Yang was... well, Yang. And wherever she came from clearly hadn't heard of culture.

"They're..." Weiss began, before trailing off. That's when she realized something. She had stormed out of the Lecture Hall without a second thought.

"I…" she started again, only to falter.

"I guess they're still back at the Lecture Hall," Ruby supplied. "I can give them a call? Ask where they are?"

"Ooooo, Pyrrha and Golden Boy alone together?" Yang's eyebrows waggled suggestively, a mischievous grin spreading across her face.

"Get your mind out of the gutter! They are not like that," Weiss snapped, crossing her arms defensively.

"Oh yeah?" Yang teased, leaning in conspiratorially. "Well, they are both boy and girl, together, and alone."

"By that logic," Weiss shot back, narrowing her eyes, "then your other teammates are also 'together' as well."

Yang paused, caught off-guard. "...I mean…"

"They act so intimately, they might as well be," Blake added nonchalantly. "But Ren says they aren't. Nora, however..."

Yang waved that away with a scoff. "Nah, they're totally together."

Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache creeping in. "Can we please leave the private lives of our acquaintances alone?" she asked sharply.

Yang shrugged. "Fine, killjoy. Guess you don't like tea?"

Weiss glared at her. "Of course I like tea. Just not this kind of tea, Xiao Long."

Yang grinned, her lilac eyes glimmering with mischief. "Oh? So you do know what I'm talking about, Little Miss Prime and Proper?"

Weiss held her glare, then scoffed. "Of course I do," she lied smoothly. "I'm not just adept at business and combat. I'm well-versed in slang. An heiress must know everything, after all."

Yang's grin widened. She leaned in closer, her expression dripping with playful menace. "Oh yeah? What's nine plus ten?"

Weiss raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. What kind of ridiculous question was this? "Nineteen, obviously."

"Liarrrr~!" Yang sang, grinning ear to ear. "If you really knew, you'd have said 'twenty-one.'"

Weiss stared at her as if she was an idiot. "What the hell are you talking about, Xiao Long?" 

"Oh, believe me, I gave up trying to understand her a long time ago," Ruby added dryly. She enjoyed the banter her sister had with her second bestie. The first being Jaune, since he had found her on the floor. That was like, a whole new level of bestieness. Blake, who had been quiet, turned to somewhere. "Looks like your team-mates are here," she announced. 

The girls turned their attention to the doorway just as Pyrrha and Jaune walked in, side by side. Their steps were close but unhurried, and they were looking around. 

Ruby immediately waved at them, her arm flailing enthusiastically. "Pyrrha! Jaune! Over here!"

"They're together alright," Yang snickered. 

"Can you not?" Weiss rolled her eyes as the two walked on over. The blonde however wagged her eyebrows. "So, where were you two lovebirds?" she teased, leaning on the table with a sly grin.

Jaune blinked, confused, while Pyrrha immediately flushed a deep shade of red. Jaune tilted his head, utterly lost. "Wait, what? Nobody's gums were flapping. What does that even mean?"

"Yeah, what does that mean, huh?" Ruby asked as well, blinking. 

"Eh," Yang blinked dispassionately. "I will tell you when you are older." 

"I'm fifteen," Ruby squawked. 

"Waay older than that. Fifty, maybe," Yang coughed.

 "Honestly, Xiao Long," Weiss said, shaking her head, though her lips twitched at the corner. "Do you ever stop?"

Yang winked at Weiss before turning her attention back to Jaune. "Not when there's good material like this, Ice Queen."

Jaune, still scratching his head over the strange phrasing, suddenly turned to Weiss. His expression shifted, becoming more focused. "Actually, Weiss, there's something I wanted to ask you."

Weiss raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Oh? What is it?"

Jaune hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I was wondering…could we order Dust from you directly? I mean, from your family's company?"

Weiss's eyebrow arched higher, and she crossed her arms. "Jaune, you do realize you can just buy Dust from the city, don't you?"

Pyrrha stepped in, her tone calm and diplomatic. "We know, Weiss. But since you're already here, we thought maybe you could help expedite the process. It would make things easier for us."

Weiss's icy demeanor melted slightly as she considered it. "Well, I suppose I could arrange something. It's not every day I cater personally to such small-scale requests, but since it's you…" She held up a finger. "I'll even offer you a discount." 

​Jaune brightened. "A discount? That's wonderful. Thanks, Weiss!" 

The heiress beamed. Finally, something positive for once. 

Before anyone could respond, Blake snorted. "Schnees, always looking for a way to profit."

Weiss's head snapped toward Blake, her expression hardening instantly. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Blake didn't look at her directly, her eyes focused instead on the table. "It's just an observation," she said coolly.

Weiss's glare intensified, and she straightened in her seat. "No, go ahead. Explain yourself," she demanded.

Blake finally met Weiss's glare. Her expression calm but defiant. "Why not just share Dust with your team? Is sharing such a hard concept for you?" 

A sense of quiet loomed. Yang's mischief vanished, as her lilac exchanged between Weiss and Blake. Weiss's chair scraped loudly against the floor as she stood abruptly. "What is your problem?" Weiss snarked. Conversation in the cafeteria died as they all watched the impromptu scene unfold. Students were taking out their scrolls, the glints on their faces one expecting fists getting thrown. Yang shifted uncomfortably under the weight of the stares directed at their table. Her confidence faltered as the wrong sort of attention settled squarely on them. She nudged Blake with her elbow and muttered, "C'mon, let's go."

Blake hesitated for a fraction of a second, then sighed as she stood up from her seat. Before she left however, she gave Weiss one last furious look before walking away. 

"I...I am so sorry, I will talk to her about this," Yang apologized quickly. 

"Correct her mouth before I do, Xiao Long," Weiss hissed. 

"Okay, she was kinda out of pocket but you gotta not lay down the sauce like that," Yang warned before she turned, running after her partner. Weiss mumbled under her breath as she sat back in her chair, arms crossed. The cafeteria returned to its mundane existence, though a few disappointed murmurs rippled, clearly hoping for a much more dramatic confrontation.

Jaune turned to Pyrrha who looked just as lost as he was. That girl was quiet but clearly she had a bone to pick with Weiss. Ruby was lost as well, though frustration was on her face. "What was that about?" she asked, turning to Weiss. 

"She probably has…issues with my family," she said dismissively, as though the topic wasn't worth discussing.

"Why would anyone have a problem with you?" Jaune asked. 

Weiss turned to him slowly. "Do you ever think before you speak?" she asked bitingly.

Jaune blinked, caught off guard. "What? I'm just saying-"

Pyrrha quickly stepped in, her voice calm and diplomatic as she attempted to smooth things over. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. We don't know her story, and it's not fair to jump to conclusions."

Ruby, however, was less tactful. She leaned forward, her silver eyes wide with curiosity. "Wait, what kind of issues? Did something happen?"

Weiss sighed, her shoulders stiffening ever so slightly. She hesitated, as though debating whether or not to answer, before finally relenting. "There have been…allegations. Against the Schnee Dust Company," she admitted, her voice carefully measured. "Unethical practices. Exploitation. That sort of nonsense."

Jaune frowned, leaning back in his chair. "Allegations? Like, serious ones?"

Weiss's tone grew sharper, defensive. "Completely baseless. Lies spread by people who don't understand how the world works."

Jaune watched her carefully, noting how her words sounded rehearsed, as if she were repeating a line she'd memorized rather than speaking from the heart. But he decided against pressing the issue.

Ruby tilted her head, her tone almost childlike in its sincerity. "Well, if it's not true, then there's no problem, right?"

That question seemed to catch Weiss off guard. For a moment, she hesitated, the faintest flicker of doubt crossing her features. "Yes," she said finally, though the word sounded strained. "Of course."

She shook her head quickly, as if to dispel whatever thoughts were creeping into her mind, and forced a tight smile onto her face. "Anyway," she said briskly, "let's focus on what really matters. How much dust are talking about?" 

Jaune paused, then nodded. "A heck ton." 

"That's not a unit of measurement," Weiss said flatly. 

"What Jaune is meaning to say is," Pyrrha smoothed over. "How much can you supply in a short amount of time?" 

Ruby, who had been thinking about what had happened, found her attention drifting away. All she could hear was dust being talked about. And the way Pyrrha was talking meant they were planning something. And she was interested. "Why? What would you all be using the dust for?" Ruby asked. 

"A..." Jaune hesitated. "A project." 

+++

A/N: Updoot. 

Up next on Top Gear: Settra scares the shit out of a bunch of teens, and even more shenanigans.