What's Left Unsaid - Chapter 11

I was sitting outside my house for the second time in just a few hours. Afraid to go in. Not because of what I might walk in on this time… nothing I’m sure, since Ash’s car was gone. But Daisy’s car was still missing. Had she left with him? Was I coming home to an empty house? My wife finally having left me for someone who could satisfy her?

I pulled out my phone, thinking to track Daisy’s location, and remembered she’d texted me.

Daisy: My car wouldn’t start. Ash gave me a ride home. I called a tow truck. It’ll take the car to the shop.

Huh. It was a text that, up till two months ago, would have seemed normal. Now I was looking for hidden meaning.

Ash had given her a ride home. She’d ridden with him, that was for sure.

I snorted ‌a sad laugh. There didn’t seem to be any tears in me, so laughter was the next best response.

At least that meant she hadn’t just invited him back to our house for a fling. It also answered the question of where her car was. Though that didn’t mean she was home. But then again, why text me something like this if she wasn’t going to be home?

I was second guessing everything now. My trust was fraying. Hell, it should have been completely broken. She was cheating on me. And even though she’d given that sharp-tongued speech to Ash about me, she was still making the choice to give her body up to someone else. To lie to me. The wider world would immediately take to calling her a slut. A whore. All sorts of other derogatory, judgemental terms. And true, in a sense, they weren’t wrong.

But I loved her. Years of love isn’t immediately erased because of‌ one mistake. Sure, it was a mistake Daisy had made multiple times, but she wasn’t out trolling the streets for some strange. She’d fallen in with someone close when she was at her lowest. Daisy had been with me through everything. Strong and resilient when I was broken. When I thought about it, I had to acknowledge she had been solely focused on me. Her needs and wants had been pushed aside for later. It was like shoving everything into a closet and then one day opening it open and everything tumbling out all at once.

Daisy had held it together admirably. And then she’d been swept away and buried in an avalanche of her own needs and wants and fears.

What had I done to help her?

I may have been the one with the injury and the recovery. But that didn’t mean Daisy stopped having needs and wants and feelings. We were both people moving forward in the new circumstances we’d found ourselves in.

Daisy had always been present. Yes, she’d come home late sometimes. But she never lacked in her love and care for me. That didn’t excuse the choice she’d made, but it did count for something.

And who was I to judge Daisy? I wasn’t perfect. I know I’d been selfish lately. Wallowing in my own self-pity. Truth was, I’d been disgusted with myself. Hating my body for failing me. For getting fucked up and not healing right. Of allowing me sexual relief but not the full experience, and on top of that the fucking gut punch I felt when I ejaculated.

My hands tightened on the steering wheel as anger bubbled up. I fucking hate my body. I hate it! Stupid fucking piece of shit meat bag! Brittle fucking bones and stupid twisted nerves. Why can’t you just fucking go back to what you were before?

I started pounding the wheel over and over. Fucking stupid, stupid body!

When my hand started to ache, I stopped and slumped back, staring at the car ceiling. I just wanted my old life back. But that wasn’t going to happen. This was the new life I had, and Daisy and I needed to figure it out.

It was a truth I didn’t want to accept, but I knew I had to. No matter how hard we tried or what we did, things weren’t going to be what they were. If we kept using the penis sheath, or if I got the pump, started using pills, whatever the solution, it was still going to fundamentally change how things worked in our relationship. And we couldn’t just overlook the fact that she’d cheated.

I suppose I could just… stay.

That was what my grandfather did…

I remember when he told me. Just a few years before he passed. He’d had a long run of nearly ninety years, and he was still fairly spry, at least enough to take walks with me along the lake out near where he and Grandma had lived. She’d passed only two years before. He missed her. It was plain on his face. We made a point to take that long and peaceful walk around the lake chatting about life and the future. But Gramps knew his time was coming to an end. There wasn’t much future for him to think about, so he began talking about the past.

And of course, the majority of his life had been spent with Grandma Becca. Nearly seventy years. Their love and life had been a fairytale to me… until the bombshell.

“Did I ever tell your gran had an affair?” His voice was scratchy with age, his cheeks thin and covered in stubble that had long since turned gray. He stood staring out at the waters of the lake, scratching at his cheek, calm and contemplative.

“Wh…what?” I was astonished. Grandma Rebecca had been one of the most staunchly faithful and morally upright women I’d ever known. And she loved my grandfather like he was the single most amazing man to ever live.

“Oh… yeah. For about… three years.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Some strapping lad that worked down at the hardware store in town. I think it was all them bumpy muscles he had from carrying lumber and whatnot.”

“I…wh…she… but… why?” I stammered.

“Oh… women have their reasons. Some more shallow than others. But then again, men are even more shallow when it comes to getting a little somethin’ on the side. We just use the excuse of temptation and that all the blood leaves our brain.” He chuckled. “But your gran…hm… we talked about it a bit, but that was a long time ago. I definitely thought it was me. Every man does when he catches his woman riding another man’s pole. But… it wasn’t me. Your gran loved me. But it was a different time then… hell, it’s a different time all the time.”

He was quiet for a moment as he remembered. I could see it in his eyes as it was all flashing before him, still sharp and in focus. “I worked a lot. Mind that’s not an excuse for the choices, but you can understand. Those days, women couldn’t do all that much, so your gran had time on her hands. And she was lonely. I ain’t the most affectionate. But I kept her satisfied in the bedroom plenty. However, we got married early. Young. And she never got to… not sure what the female equivalent of ‘sowing your wild oats’ is.” He shrugged.

“She got curious.” He said simply.

“You… gran… holy shit, Grandpa. Why didn’t you divorce her? I mean… she… for three years?” I was at a complete loss. How could he just so flippantly toss something like this out? Sure, it had happened years ago for him, but how could someone just… shrug off infidelity that lasted years?

He nodded. “Son… for better or worse, your generation had a lot of things we didn’t have when I was young. Divorce was a big deal back then. Your gran would have been left with nothing. No prospects. Maybe she’d have moved back with her parents, but we had three liddlen’s at that time. So it would have been tight even in the best of circumstances. Me, I might have gotten on better of course, but I’d have been just as broken. But men can’t show that. Especially back then. Today, divorce don’t mean much but some legal dealings and fees and whatnot. Women ain’t ruined. Though men still can’t cry about it or they are some sort of pussy.” He grimaced.

“Your gran… she loved me. Even while doing all those things with that man, she still cooked, cleaned, took care of your mom and her sisters. And she was always a wild woman in the sheets for me. Had I not stumbled upon them, I probably never would have known honestly. And sure, knowing hurt. At first I just… went along. Let her do her thing and kept on doing my thing. What else was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to blow my life apart. Life was hard enough. Course… I didn’t let it lie forever. It was coming on the end of her affair when I sat her down at the table for a talk.”

“You ain’t ever seen your gran cry like she did that day. She said all the things you’d expect. ‘I love you’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘It doesn’t mean anything’, etc. etc. And it was all true. She didn’t love that fella. Man was good in the sack but dumb as the nails he sold by the pound. Some men in this life ain’t much use beyond their trouser snake, son.” Gramps cackled. “And he certainly knew how to use his. Your gran told me some stories later, when the wound wasn’t raw anymore. Anywho…” He sighed and scratched at his thinning gray hair. “She begged me not to divorce her. That she’d break it off. She wanted me and only me. Ya know, again, the same ol’ stuff you hear all women say, at least the ones that got some sorta conscience. Truth is kid…”

Grandpa paused then. Looking lost. “God, I loved that woman. Flaws and all. And when we got hitched, it was a small wedding, but we had a good dozen witnesses and of course the Almighty looking down on us. We made that vow you always hear, but so many people just forget and ignore. ‘For better. Or worse’. That don’t just mean when they are snippy and in a bad mood, son. Worse is worse. When it’s bad. Ugly. Rotten. When the things they do scare you or sicken you. And I don’t mean this as something to justify abuse. That ain’t what we are talking about. We are talking about when they go through hardships that you can’t understand. Mental. Physical. That’s the whole sickness and health part too. It’s all intertwined."

“When life gets hard and the one you made a vow to breaks their promise, trashes the life you’ve made, that’s worse. And you gotta make a choice. Do you try? Or do you run? Sometimes runnin’ is the right move. Had your gran not been so repentant and sorry, had she not confessed and sat with me in her grief and mine, we might have gone the way of gettin’ a divorce. Some women and men is like that. They love the dick more than they love their other. But your gran… she loved me more.”

“We talked it through. And it wasn’t easy. After that talk, I didn’t touch your gran sexually for…oh… a year or more. It was hell on her and torture for me. Blue balls don’t even begin to describe how bad I was hurtin’.”

“Grandpa… please… I’m gonna be sick.”

“Oh grow up, son. Sex is part a life, just like shittin’. Man up and pinch your nose against the smell if ya gotta.” He chuckled, and I couldn’t help but join him.

“Trust is hard to build back. But if you love the person… it’s worth it. I stuck it out with your gran. And she stuck it out with me. She ended things with that man, though some years later once the kids were finally grown and off, we did do some experimenting…”

“Grandpa…please… no…” I groaned.

“What? You don’t wanna hear about the time I had your gran airtight…”

“LALALALALA I’M NOT LISTENING!”

The conversation ended there with my grandpa laughing so hard I thought he’d break a rib.

My grandfather had stayed. Healed. Reconciled. We talked about some of it, and it was clear things weren’t the same. They couldn’t be. But they reforged their marriage. 

Was that something I could do?

Daisy had gone a month without Ash, and suddenly today she was hopping back into bed. Why? It wouldn’t be fair to jump to conclusions, like she was just a slut or loved Ash and wanted him more than me. We needed to talk. But… I was scared.

Grandpa had waited almost a year before he confronted Gran about her affair. There were multiple reasons, but the main one he’d said was… ‘Had I just walked in, I would have been a beast. A monster of rage and retribution. There wouldn’t have been any way for me to fix things after that. I would have beat that man to within an inch of his life. I would have called your Grandma every name in the book and some you’d never heard of, and I hope you never do. Whatever love I had for her and she for me, would have been sprayed in the skunk stink of my anger and fear. So… I took my time. I thought. I prayed. I cried. I even talked to some friends, throwing out Hypotheticals. Course, most of them suggested the rage bit. Some thought it would be fair to literally crucify the man with the very lumber he lugged around at the store. I gotta say… People worry me sometimes. Anyway, I waited. I gathered myself. And yeah, it took me a fairly long time before I knew I could sit with her and be civil and loving and understanding as well as just. Say what you want, I’d rather confront someone with a cool head than one that’s on fire. That’s just gonna get everyone burned.’

I wasn’t ready to confront Daisy. I just wasn’t. My mind wasn’t sound. I was swimming in depression. Self pity. My existence was a swamp, and I was sinking in it. I needed to pull myself up and out first before I was going to truly confront Daisy about what she was doing. But the choice might not be in my hands anymore.

She’d seen me. Or at least I think she did. It was just a second. Less than a second. Our eyes met when she was being ruined by Ash’s cock. But it had taken almost the same amount of time to fall in love with her. Why not ruin everything that fast too?

What if I walked in and she began crying and apologizing? Would I be able to stand up to her? To the emotion? Would I break down too? What if that’s what we needed? To just… fall apart. Maybe that would be for the best.

I didn’t have any right answers. Or wrong ones. All I had was what I could do right now. And that was to get out of my car and go inside. Whatever happened next… I’d just have to take it as it came.