Done Adulting Vol. 2 Ch. 34

Amanda had started some of her reading to prepare for her first semester of graduate education in human studies. She’d not yet selected which precise field she wanted to pursue, but she had some ideas, and of the reading she’d begun, what had intrigued her most was an article about less-regressed littles. It sounded liked Jamie to the letter: the challenge of teaching littles how to play. So many of them had forgotten how before coming to Itali.

Jamie had gotten pretty good playing with things. He would build. He would draw. He played games. But where Jamie had never really been able to keep up with the other littles was make believe. Littles like Jamie, according to the article, had lost the power of imagination. There being no better way for Amanda, and Jamie, to learn than by doing, she was determined to teach him how to imagine again.

First, she collected props. His bear. A notebook. And she thought he’d find it easier to imagine if he was feeling a little littler, so she asked Mel to come over, and she fed him a bottle. It wasn’t time for his bottle, but she knew Jamie never declined one, especially from Mel, so Amanda told Mel what she was trying to do, gave her the bottle, and Mel went to find Jamie.

“Hey, buddy,” Mel said to him.

“I didn’t hear you come in,” Jamie said.

“I needed some Jamie time.” What a coincidence, because Jamie could always use some Mel time. “Wanna baba?”

“Is the pope’s hat ridiculous?”

“What’s hat?”

“Nothing.” He climbed onto the couch next to her and snuggled into her lap like it was his second home. She leaned against the arm of the couch, and he leaned against her, and she held the bottle while stroking his hair.

“Ah ah ah,” she said, “Be a big boy for me, and finish it all.” She lightly rubbed his tummy for him, and he felt a flood of happiness rush toward his toes. It was pleasantly warm, and he stretched his tiny arms and legs. He loved his aunt Mel.

“Hey Jamie. I see Mel found you.”

“She needed some ‘me’ time,” he said proudly as Mel took the empty bottle away.

“I’m glad she’s here. She can help us.” Jamie’s eyes looked wide, like they often did after a bottle. He wasn’t tipsy, but he was certainly in a warm, fuzzy place. Everyone liked him in that place. Jamie was at his most affectionate in that place, and short of the incident with the little extract, his most silly.

“What do we need help with,” Jamie asked as he turned on his side.

“I need to write a story about a little for school.”

“Really? That’s weird, for grad school.”

“Not so weird. Can you help me write it?”

“What’s it about?”

“I don’t know yet. Wanna go sit outside and write it together?” Jamie didn’t approve of cheating on homework, but for Amanda he’d help. He didn’t really get why she had to write a story. He never wrote any stories in grad school. He hadn’t written a story probably since middle school.

Mel picked him up without waiting for an answer, and the trio walked outside to the backyard. Jamie leaned into Mel’s side, inhaling her scent. He sighed. He didn’t want her to find a job. When she did, she wouldn’t be able to hang out in the middle of the day. Some of his favorite times were with her and Amanda in the middle of the day.

“What’s my bear doing out here,” he asked when he saw it in the sandbox.

“I don’t know,” Manda said, pretending to be surprised. “How do you think he got out here?”

“Mom must’ve put him out here,” Jamie surmised, the milk having made him too far gone to be suspicious. Mel set Jamie down, and he picked up his bear and brushed it off.

“What if he came out here on his own,” Mel asked. “I had a bear who wandered off when I was growing up.”

“Hehe. You did?”

“Yeah,” Mel pretended to recall. “He got in all kinds of misadventures.”

“Like what?”

“One time, he almost got eaten by a dog.”

“That happened to my bear. Mom fixed him.”

“Are you excited for the new coat mom is making him,” Amanda asked.

“Yeah. He’ll look better. And feel better.”

“What happened to his old coat,” Mel asked.

“Ooh! There’s a story idea. Could you help me write a story about your bear’s coat?”

“I thought it was supposed to be about a little,” Jamie replied.

“Maybe you can be in the story, too,” Mel suggested. “How did your bear’s coat get so dirty?”

“What if,” Manda suggested, “it got dirty when he wandered away somewhere?”

“I like that idea,” Mel said. “Where did he go Jamie?”

He shrugged. “I dunno. Silly bears, right?”

“C’mon. Try to imagine for me. Where did he go?”

Jamie looked from smiling Amanda to smiling Mel to his bear. He didn’t want to let them down. But he didn’t really have any ideas.

Amanda gave him a moment, and when he still looked like he didn’t know where to begin, she said, “Maybe he went somewhere with you and got separated. Where did you take him?”

“Um … a … fair. We went to the fair. You know, the Founder’s Day fair. It’s very busy there, ya know. I only turned around for a second.”

Jamie was admiring the craft booths. He liked the art especially, the things that local people did. They’d never be famous, but they made nice things, things you wouldn’t mind hanging on your walls. Nothing special, but he liked it anyway, and he liked talking to the artists.

His bear was a bit of a low brow, though. He’s a good bear, by and by, but he’s easily distracted. Jamie insisted he hold his hand, especially in the crowd, because bears do wander if left to their own devices. He only let him go for a second, so he could hold one of the paintings, a big one, and get a closer look. When he put the painting down, he thanked the artist and turned to move on to the next booth. But his bear was missing.

“I turned around and looked in the booth,” Jamie said. “I looked under the tables and behind the easel, and he wasn’t there.”

“Were you scared,” Mel asked.

“Very. Not just for myself, but for him. He’s so small! Even smaller than me, and it’s a big fair.”

“Then what did you do,” Amanda asked.

“I looked outside the booth. I looked in the booth on the right side and the booth on the left side and the booth across the way.”

“And you didn’t find him,” Mel asked.

“No! So I ran up and down the aisle looking in all the booths.”

“That must’ve been very dangerous.”

“There were bigs everywhere. I was afraid of getting stepped on, but I was more afraid for my bear.”

How far could a bear get, though, Jamie wondered. He had such short legs. He thought he saw him at the other end of the aisle, and he ran toward him, ducking and weaving and dodging all the bigs’ legs and trying to keep sight of his bear.

“Did you try to call after him,” Mel asked.

“Of course.”

“How?”

“I shouted, ‘Bear!’ Bear!’,” Jamie said.

“That’s not very loud,” Amanda said.

“No wonder your bear didn’t hear you,’ Mel concurred.

“Well, I shouted it.”

“Show us.”

Jamie looked around. It was only them in the backyard. “Bear! Come back, Bear,” Jamie shouted.

He ran the whole way, and when he finally got there all he found was a girl in a stroller holding an entirely different bear. “I got you,” he exclaimed before realizing his mistake. The girl looked astonished, and her mother looked worried. “Are you okay,” the woman asked.

“I lost my bear. He was with me and wandered off. Have you seen him?”

The girl looked at her bear and whispered in her ear, and then the bear whispered back. “She thinks she saw a bear go that way.”

“So I ran that way,” Jamie told Amanda and Mel.

“Which way?”

“That way,” Jamie pointed.

“Can you show us,” Amanda asked. “It’ll help me write if I can see how you did it.”

Jamie thought that was silly, but he obliged, and they followed.

“Not like that,” Mel said. “How did you really run?”

“That’s how I run.”

“Not in a crowd of bigs. Show us that.”

Jamie felt ridiculous but he showed them.

There were bigs everywhere. There are always bigs everywhere, and Jamie had to dodge that one who didn’t see him and go under that one’s legs and jump over that one’s shoe. He went right and there were bigs, so he went left and there were more bigs, so went under, over, around, and through. He ran through the booths, crawling under the back. He ran under tables. He ran into the book fair pavilion and ran out under the cash register. He came to a railing and leapt over it. He came to a picnic table and ran under it.

“And you still couldn’t find him? I’d have been very sad,” Amanda said.

“I’d have cried,” Mel added.

“I did, eventually. I sat down against a tree and cried, ‘Where are you!’ And I started to give up hope. I didn’t know where he could have gone. He might not have even been in the park anymore. He could have gotten carried away by an eagle, or a big dog, or worse, another little.”

“Another little would be worse?”

“Oh, the worst. You know littles. They’re sticky all the time, and they don’t all respect their bears like I do.”

“Good thing that didn’t happen to him.”

All bears love balloons, and when Jamie’s bear saw a balloon, and not just any balloon but a red balloon, bobbing in the crowd, he forgot all about Jamie’s admonition to stay close and followed it. It seemed so close. He was sure he could get to it and come back before Jamie even knew he was gone. Don’t get the bear wrong – he loved Jamie, but he could just never share in Jamie’s enthusiasm for paintings and drawings and crafts. Not when there were balloons and funnel cakes and powdered sugar around.

But a bear is a bear, and what looks close is very far away when you have such short legs. He followed the balloon, or tried to, and then the balloon disappeared. He thought it may have gone over to the next aisle, so he went to the next aisle. And when it wasn’t there, he thought it must’ve gone to the next aisle, so he went there. But there was no balloon.

Knowing he had better get back to Jamie, the bear turned around. Now, a bear is a good friend, a loyal friend, a true boon companion. You can trust a bear to watch over your other stuffed animals, your bunnies and your ducks and bruins and your penguins. You can leave your cookies and milk within reach of your bear, and not only will your bear not sneak even one cookie, he’ll make sure no one else does either.

But a bear has stuffing for brains, and once he decided to turn back, he didn’t know exactly where he’d come from. And Jamie, unlike a balloon, doesn’t bob above the crowd. The bear looked and looked, but he couldn’t see Jamie. He made do with his other senses and tried following his nose back to Jamie. The problem being, of course, that lots of things smell like Jamie.

Mel played the part of the bear, holding it by its hands and walking it back and forth in the yard from one corner to the next. “Where did it go first,” she asked.

“The cookie booth.”

“Silly bear,” she giggled.

“Very silly! He got distracted again and ate a thousand cookies!”

“Oof,” she scoffed. “Then where?”

“The nursing tent.” Mel raced across the yard.

“What happened when he got there?”

“Oh, did he cause a ruckus. He ran from big to big seeing if each one had me. Bigs were screaming, littles were crying. It was a scene!”

“Didn’t he see that Mom wasn’t any of the women there,” Manda asked.

Jamie looked incredulous. “Uh, Manda, you know he’s just a bear, right?”

“Oh. I forgot,” she said while trying to hold in a belly laugh.

“Anyway,” Jamie continued…

The bear got out of there as quickly as he could, leaving behind some very angry people. He only escaped by crawling on his belly under the wall of the tent. He was dirty, sweaty, and had cookie crumbs all over his belly, because he learned from watching otters on the nature channel to eat cookies off his tummy, and still didn’t know where Jamie was. So he put his nose back in the air, and he smelled one of Jamie’s smells again.

“Where,” Mel asked.

“Over here,” Jamie said as he raced to the swing set.

“Where are we,”

“In line for the changing station.”

“Buh ha,” Mel cackled.

The bear ran up and down the line. He tried to get inside – he’d go anywhere to find Jamie – but every time he cut the line the person he cut would get angry and make him get out, so he waited until he was sure Jamie couldn’t have gone in or come out of there. He was a very sad bear. He wandered back toward the pike, hoping Jamie had gotten hungry and gone in search of food. But a bear can only concentrate so well when he has a rumbly tummy.

“I thought he just ate a thousand cookies,” Manda asked.

“Do you know nothing about bears,” Jamie asked.

“Yeah, get with the program,” Mel quipped.

He didn’t find Jamie, but he found shishkabobs, egg rolls, hotdogs, and funnel cake. He was a dirty, sweaty, crumb covered, greasy bear, and to top it all off he went snout-first into the powdered sugar bag when the funnel cake guy wasn’t looking.

“And he was probably still hungry,” Amanda suggested.

“No, he was full then.”

“You’ll get one soon,” Mel assured her.

“But he still hadn’t found me, and now he felt guilty.”

Very guilty. It’s a bear’s job to protect his boy, and he’d lost Jamie. He thought he must be a very bad bear.

“How does a sad bear walk,” Mel asked.

“Like this.” Jamie put his hands in his pockets and walked slowly, staring at the ground and swinging his feet wide, kicking rocks and dust.

He kept walking, having no faith in himself or his ability to find Jamie. He did the last thing he could think and sat down, hoping Jamie would find him instead. He sat down on the ground and waited.

And waited.

And he was prepared to keep waiting forever, as bears are supposed to do for their boys. But the very bad day got even worse, for as he waited, a big picked up the bear. Of course, a bear can only communicate with his boy, and maybe a few of the boy’s close people, so he could say nothing to this big who wasn’t wearing sleeves. Not when he brushed him off, and not when he walked into a game booth and put the bear with the other stuffed animals he was giving as prizes to anyone who managed to win his crooked game.

“Oh no!”

“I know!”

Jamie was the lowest he had ever been. It was his job to look after his bear. Sure, everyone says bears are supposed to the protect their boys, but that’s just something they tell the bears to make them feel important. A bear without a sense of purpose, as all sensitive people know, can very quickly develop low self-esteem and lumpy stuffing.

Jamie had failed. All he could think to do was find the nearest copy center and make missing bear flyers to distribute at the fair entrance and hang on telephone poles, and that was assuming some unscrupulous and sticky little hadn’t found and kidnapped his bear. Or he could have been trampled by bigs. Or stripped for parts and sold on the black bear market.

Jamie headed toward the exit, his shoulders slumped, staring at the ground and swinging his feet wide and kicking rocks.

But bears aren’t the only ones with a sense of smell. Sure, Jamie couldn’t smell every bear, but he could smell his own, even if it was covered in dirt and cookies and powdered sugar and sweat and grease.

Manda could confirm that. Jamie’s bear definitely smelled a particular way.

“And I looked around, and I didn’t see him at first. I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. And then I spotted him! He was filthy, but I know my bear. I tried to go get him, but that big carney stopped me.”

“Where do you think you’re going,” the sleeveless carney said to Jamie.

“That’s my bear!”

“No, he’s not,” the man lied, “that’s one of my prizes.”

“He’s my bear!”

“He’s in my booth. You want him? You gotta win him.”

“But he’s mine! And I’m a little! I don’t have any money.”

“Tell you what – I’ll give you one free throw.”

“So it was all or nothing,” Mel asked with trepidation in her voice and the bear in her lap.

“Exactly. And everyone knows carnival games are rigged. That’s how the carney lost his sleeves probably, betting them on rigged games.”

“So what did you do,” Amanda asked.

“What could I do? I accepted his challenge. I had one throw to knock down his milk cans. So I got in my stance, like this.” Jamie turned sideways to them and tucked his arms in.

“Why did you look behind you like that,” Mel asked.

“I was checking to make sure the runner was still on first. And then I wound up.” Jamie drew himself up to his full height, cocked his leg, and threw his imaginary ball as hard as he could.

“And you knocked down all the bottles,” Amanda asked.

“No,” Jamie said. She wasn’t following this story very well. No wonder she needed help with her homework. “I told you: it was a rigged game.”

“So how’d you win him back?”

“I didn’t. I threw the ball at the carney, ran under the counter, grabbed the bear, dove under the tent, and didn’t stop running until I got home.”

“Wow!”

“I know.” Jamie picked up his bear and sat himself down in Mel’s lap. “And that’s how his coat got so dirty, looking everywhere for me.”

“Ever lose him again,” Amanda asked.

“Never.” Jamie turned his bear around so it was facing him. He returned the bear’s smile and hugged it close. His bear was his very favorite thing.