Done Adulting Vol. 2 Ch. 32

"Are you sure you know how to do this,” Jamie asked. His bear had definitely seen better days, but he was wary of Becky doing something to it that couldn’t be undone.

“I’ll be very careful. And you can pick out any fabric you like,” Becky assured Jamie. “I just want you to like it.” Though she hoped he wouldn’t pick something too expensive. She expected to waste a lot of material as she learned by doing.

For his part, Jamie was not so sure about her sewing a new coat on his bear. He figured she could manage it well enough, but it was the bear Cheryl gave him. He knew it needed to be refreshed, but he didn’t want to change it so much that it wasn’t the same bear she gave him anymore. He brought it along to compare to the fabrics.

“Can I help you find anything,” a saleswoman asked from behind them.

“We’re looking for, well I don’t know, fake fur I guess,” Becky said. “Teddy bear fabric.”

The woman bent at the waist to look Jamie in the eye. “Are you getting a new bear, or is that bear getting a new coat?”

“A new coat,” he replied. “Like this one. Only clean.”

“Haha! I think we can get pretty close.” She led them to a section of the store with colorful fabrics clearly meant for littles, young kids, and their toys. “Here’s everything. I’ll be over there when you pick one.”

“Well, let’s find one,” Becky said with a smile. She began fingering the bolts of cloth while Jamie zeroed in on the medium tans that most closely matched his bear when it was new. It was darker and less vibrant now. He turned his bear upside down and tugged on its tail, under which was the cleanest fur that still looked the most like it had when he’d first opened Cheryl’s box of gifts. Jamie held each piece of cloth to that section, carefully comparing.

“It’s one of these two,” he told Becky.

“Let me see.” Becky made the same comparison. “I think it’s this one.”

Jamie eyed it very carefully. “I think you’re right.” He smiled. He looked forward to having a clean bear again. But he was still nervous about it.

Becky waved to the saleswoman.

“So enough to do that bear,” the woman asked. “Can I measure it, sweetie?” Jamie handed over his bear. She produced a tape measure from her pocket and measured it, imperfectly.

“I’ve never done this before,” Becky said. “I mean, I’ve sewed, just not a teddy.”

“We have a book we can give you, and we’ll get you plenty of extra cloth. I suggest making a small one from scratch before trying to make this fella a new coat.”

Having made their purchases, they went back to the car, where Becky buckled the bear inside and turned back to the row of stores.

“Let’s go find some fun stuff for you.”

“I don’t need anything.”

“Well, not now, but won’t it be nice to have some things at Manda’s so you don’t have to carry everything you need back and forth?”

Becky long ago became a rewards member at A Little This, A Little That, and despite himself Jamie did like going to the store. It was as cold inside as the first time he went there, and he cringed as they walked into the air conditioning.

“Wanna ride in the cart,” Becky asked him.

“Sure.” She picked him up and deposited him in the seat. They never went there except Becky started at the outer wall of the store and worked her way in, at least walking past everything if not stopping to look at it.

“You do still need a crib,” Becky mused as she walked past them.

“I like that kind, with the rail that opens out instead of up.” He pointed to one.

“Hmm. I’m not so sure about that after your adventure with the little extract.”

“Well, doesn’t that just prove the rail can’t keep me in?”

“Should I get a top for your crib then?”

“No! I mean, no. That’s not necessary. Plus, uh, it’s a fire hazard.”

“Don’t worry. I wouldn’t do that to you, unless you make a habit of getting out. What about this one?” She was referring to a blue one with a rail that could open either way. He didn’t feel strongly about it one way or the other. For one, he knew Amanda would let him get in and out of it from the front, whereas Becky would likely leave the front latch closed most of the time.

“I like it, but shouldn’t she sign a lease first?”

“I think she’s getting close. Just a couple more places she wants to look at before the two of you make a decision.” Becky plucked the tag from the crib.

“So you guys got the little fee thing worked out?”

“Yeah, mostly.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’ll make things a little tight, but we’ll manage.” Jamie hated that idea. He didn’t want them sacrificing for him. They did enough of that already.

“What if Manda got a one-bedroom? I can just squeeze in there, maybe without a crib. I’ll just sleep in Manda’s bed. Or on the couch.”

“Well, no way are you sleeping on the couch. I’m not sure you’d want to sleep in her bed every night. She might wake you up when she came to bed.”

“Better that than spending more than you can really afford, though.”

There was nothing Becky could give him that she wouldn’t give, but he had a point. Expense was the main reason Manda hadn’t signed a lease yet. They were struggling to find a place they could afford but that was in a good part of town and was a nice place to live. They also had to take into account the agency, and that Marsha, his social worker, might have a problem with some of the more affordable places. Not that they weren’t safe, but they certainly weren’t modern or very nice. Becky didn’t like them either, not for Jamie nor for Amanda. She took out her phone and took a picture of the tag. Jamie felt a little awkward.

“How about a rocking chair then. You’re definitely gonna want one of those.”

“Yeah, but Manda should pick that out. She’s the one who’s gonna sit in it.”

“You will, too.”

“But I’ll be sitting on her.”

Becky made a face at him. “You’re terrible at shopping, Jamester.”

“I’m good at other things,” he replied haughtily.

“We’re getting you some outfits at least, and some toys. You can’t say you won’t be needing those.” She steered him toward the clothes section. She knew he didn’t much care about clothes. He was basic, so she tossed some basics in the cart. Tee shirts in different colors with different cute pictures on them, a couple pairs of shorts, a collared shirt, some diaper covers, socks, onesies. When the weather turned cold they could find warm things for him.

“What are you looking at,” she asked him when she noticed him twisting around.

“Nothing.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Then there’s no reason you shouldn’t tell me,” she countered, “and we’re not going anywhere until you do.” She was being playful, but she did want to work more on him saying what was on his mind. It seemed since the start of the summer he’d become more careful about that, and she wasn’t sure why. She didn’t mind that he had thoughts he didn’t want to share, but it made her wonder if she was doing or saying things that made him feel he couldn’t share his thoughts. She chalked that up mostly to the self-doubt all bigs and parents experience, but it was a balancing act, and so was knowing when to prod Jamie and when to let him stay silent.

Jamie blushed and wouldn’t look her in the eye, but he told her. “I was looking at the dresses.” Becky pushed the cart down the aisle toward the little girls’ section.

“For Ella? We can get her a present. Which one were you looking at?”

“Um, for me,” Jamie whispered.

Becky wasn’t expecting that at all. He owned a few articles of clothing that had come from the girls’ section, but other than the styling they were all unisex clothes. No skirts or dresses. But the last thing she wanted was to make Jamie feel self-conscious or judged, so she did her best to cover her surprise.

“O, well, which one,” she asked.

“That one. The blue tee shirt dress.” He pointed to a cerulean, sleeveless, racerback dress. “It’s … well, Manda has one like it, and it looks really comfortable after a day at the pool.” He actually knew how comfortable hers was because she often picked him up while wearing it, and he loved how soft and light it felt. He reached out and felt the dress on the rack. It was just like hers, a soft, stretchy, jersey material.

“Let’s get it,” Becky decided. If he wanted to try it, that was fine. She had questions she’d ask later, but she was happy with anything he wanted to wear. “You like this color?”

“Yeah,” Jamie said, “it’s fun.” Still, he blushed to say it.

“Anything else you want to look at over here?”

He was feeling a little more confident. He hadn’t expected Becky to ridicule or judge him, but it was asking for something, and it was asking for something out of the norm. He might as well try another. “I wanna try a skirt,” he said.

“What kind of skirt?”

“I dunno. They just look more comfortable than shorts when it’s hot out.”

“So like one of these,” Becky asked as she pushed the cart toward a rack of A-lines. “Like this kind of material?” It was some kind of synthetic fabric, light but not flouncy. Jamie had hiking shorts in the same kind of material.

“Yeah.”

She glanced at the price tag. “What color?”

“I like the print one.” It was a rust color with a geometric pattern on it.

“Why those?”

“They’re fun. All my stuff is boring. Khaki this and navy that. They don’t make guy clothes in fun colors and patterns. It’s pretty.”

“Okay. Anything else, or are we ready to check out some toys?”

“No, that’s all.” Jamie agreed to a few new toys; until she met Jamie, Becky hadn’t ever known little who need to be convinced to get new toys existed. He mostly played with building toys and coloring books and art supplies. He let Becky get him some blocks, a new drawing pad, and some pencils. She walked down an aisle of traditionally girls’ toys as an experiment to see if Jamie would look at anything. She kind of liked the idea of him playing with a doll. She felt she could more easily share in that experience with him. She even had a box of her old toys, mostly dolls, in a box in the attic. But he didn’t give any of the toys in the aisle a second glance.

She wanted to get him a drawing table, but he reminded her they didn’t yet know how much room Amanda’s place would have. She seemed eager to get him things, and he wondered if that was because she was ready to be done with the move or because she just wanted to get him things to try to make the move fun for him, things to look forward to. She did stock up on bottles, tableware, a booster seat, and diapering supplies for him. He couldn’t dispute he’d need those.

As they were heading toward the checkout, he did tell her, “There is one thing I want but didn’t see.”

“What’s that?”

“A bike. I told Manda I’d help her learn to ride one.”

Becky had spent many frustrating hours trying to get Manda to learn to ride a bike, but she had refused. “And did she want to?”

“Well, she said yes. I think she’s afraid.” He knew if he didn’t say something, Manda never would learn. He was meaning to conspire with Mel to bring it up again.

“That’s my fault for not making her learn when she was young,” Becky said. “I like the idea of it, though. She might like being able to get around without her car. If she really wants to we can go to a bike shop.” What Becky didn’t say is she wouldn’t get Jamie a bike unless Amanda wanted one or she decided to get one for herself. She didn’t think Jamie would be content to ride one around the backyard or slowly while she or Manda walked alongside, and she couldn’t let him ride off on his own. He’d get brought home by the police, or worse. If Amanda didn’t want one and Jamie still did, maybe he’d be content for a tricycle or scooter.

At home, Becky sent Jamie to his room with his bear to get ready for his nap while she unpacked the car. Amanda helped unload, and much of it went into a stack in a corner of the garage destined for the new apartment.

“Has Jamie mentioned anything to you about girl clothes,” Becky asked quietly when they got into the kitchen. She figured the answer was no. She knew Jamie shared things with Manda in confidence, but she thought that was the kind of thing Amanda would tell her about.

“No. Why?” Becky produced the dressed from one of the shopping bags. “Jamie wanted that?”

“He said yours looks so comfy after a day at the pool.”

“Huh. Well, it is. Jamie’s a pretty practical person. It’s probably nothing more than that.”

“He wanted a skirt, too, because it’s hot.”

“See? Just practical. Are you okay with it?”

“Yeah, of course. I just … I don’t want him to get made fun of.” One thing that Jamie hadn’t gotten better at since his arrival was sticking up for himself, at least with other littles (Jamie felt a little too free, when he first arrived, to tell bigs exactly what he thought of them and then some). Jamie was so popular at daycare and the park and the pool that he didn’t get picked on often, but every once in a while he would be, and just like when Amanda was young, Becky hated seeing it.

“You want me to talk to him about it,” Amanda asked. She knew he’d tell her things he wouldn’t tell Becky. She knew what a rich inner life he led. That wasn’t the stereotype about littles, but almost all littles were regressed and incapable of the big and abstract thoughts Jamie, just like amazons, had. It was one of the things she and Becky both liked so much about having an unregressed little.

“Maybe just casually bring it up. Tell him you like it and see what he says.”

“Okay. I’ll bring it up after his nap.”

“Speaking of, how would you feel about getting a one-bedroom, and he could sleep in your bed with you?”

Manda wasn’t surprised by the question exactly. She knew they were having a hard time making the math work with a two-bedroom apartment. They could afford it, but add on the little fee and it took a big bite out of both of their monthly incomes. It still frustrated Amanda – offended her, really – that the little fee was as much as it was. She could get four dogs for what apartment complexes charged to have a little in the unit. She had never paid it much mind, but the more she looked around, the more she saw the barriers that existed to having a little. It wasn’t as expensive as having a kid, but neither were there subsidies for littles like there were for children’s daycare. Littles were even covered under a different health program than bigs, and unlike healthcare for bigs, care for littles wasn’t free.

“I’ll need to think about that. He might not like that, not having his own space.”

“Just the other day he did say he wanted more privacy. He’s waiting to be put down for his nap,” Becky said.

“Where did you guys eat,” Manda asked as they walked to the nursery.

“June Bug’s.”

“Blech. Everything there tastes like little food.” She couldn’t fathom how but assumed it was because they didn’t use separate cooking equipment for big food and little food.

“Yeah, but he likes it. O!” Becky stopped herself when she turned into the nursery and saw Jamie asleep on the floor with his bear and Kazoo. He’d gotten his pacifier himself, and she could see it just barely bob up and down between his lips as he slept.

“Leave him,” Amanda asked.

“Yeah.” Becky tiptoed to the crib and got his blanket, then laid it gently over the three of them. Kazoo opened his eyes and looked at Becky, then closed them again as he exhaled, the way dogs do, with a stretch.