Done Adulting Vol. 2 Ch. 4

Jamie sat in his playpen once more watching Becky rush around getting ready for company. Like always, she put him out of the way, though he thought he’d have been equally out of the way in his nursery. He sat in his playpen with a coloring book, content except for not having a pencil sharpener with him. Growing frustrated at the too-thick lines messing up the design, he decided to watch the Becky Show, as he and Amanda secretly called it, her harried ritual when getting ready for a party. Adding to her franticness, since it was Manda’s graduation party, Becky kept insisting Manda not help, and Manda kept helping, and Becky kept shooing Manda away.

“Maybe you should get in the playpen, and I’ll help,” Jamie said to Manda after Becky chased her out of the kitchen again.

“You say that now, but you’d get all pouty when I finished your coloring book without you. Wanna go play outside?”

“Won’t we get dirty?” He said ‘we,’ but he meant himself.

“We’ll change if we need to. C’mon,” she said as she stooped down to lift him out of the playpen. She carried him through the breezeway and into the backyard. “Swingset or sandbox?”

“Sandbox.” He had an unfinished castle to work on. She set him down on the warm sand and seated herself on the edge, and together they worked on sculpting the castle’s features.

“Too bad we can’t hide this,” Jamie said as he worked.

“Why,” Amanda asked, chuckling. Hide a sandcastle?

“Because Dozer is gonna destroy it, no doubt.”

“Jamie, that’s kinda mean. He’s only three.”

“I know. I don’t mean anything by it.” He’d never call his cousin Samuel his secret nickname for him to his face or in front of his Uncle Daniel or Aunt Lauren. “He just has a tendency to break my stuff.” And he’s huge even for a big, Jamie thought but didn’t say. Being around him made Jamie nervous sometimes, especially when he was tired and acting like a crazy toddler.

“We’ll keep the door to your room closed.”

“Who all is coming over?”

“The people you know, some friends of mine from school, and a bunch of Mom’s old friends and coworkers. I think it’s as big an accomplishment for the parents as the graduates, and on the plus side, I’m gonna get more presents.”

“Mel’s coming, right?”

“Looking forward to seeing her?” Jamie hadn’t seen much of her since finals started. She wasn’t quite as natural a student as Manda, so she buckled down more to study.

“I got a job for her,” Jamie said.

“What?”

“You’ll see.” Manda laughed.

“O! What are you guys doing,” Becky said with evident pre-party stress as she stood in the door of the breezeway. “You’re all sandy now. People are gonna be here soon.”

“I think this is your grandma’s fault,” Jamie whispered. “Amazing how neurotic a parent can make a child about certain things, even decades later.”

“That’s okay, Mom,” Amanda said as she stood up. “He’s just a little boy. Everyone will think it’s just cute.” She winked at him.

“Well, brush him off and come inside.” She heard the doorbell ring. “See?!?”

“On our way! C’mon, sugar cookie,” Amanda said as she reached out a hand to help Jamie stand and brushed the sand off his shorts and legs.

“Hold on,” Jamie said when she was finished. He took off his right shoe and turned it over to let the sand out, then did the same with his left. Amanda brushed off her own butt. Jamie toddled after her and followed her to their entryway where Becky was greeting their first guest, a friend of hers he didn’t recognize.

“Hi Mrs. Davison,” Amanda said. “Thanks for coming.” She leaned over to give her a hug. Jamie assumed she must be one of Becky’s work friends.

“I wouldn’t miss it! Congratulations.”

“Come in,” Becky said, “You’re the first to arrive.”

“That means I get alone time with this guy,” she said as she stooped to pick up Jamie. He exercised his self-control and didn’t push her hands away. “You must be the famous Jamie I hear so much about!”

“Do you work with my Mom,” he asked.

“I do,” she said as she patted his butt. He hid a grimace. “And I used to be Amanda’s teacher.” More people were coming up the front walk. Rather than put him down, she walked back toward the front door, and once Becky and Amanda had greeted their new guests, they turned their attention on him.

“Is this Jamie,” Guest #2 asked. He ruffled his hair.

“This must be Jamie,” Guest #3 said.

“He’s adorable,” Guests #4, #5, and #7 said.

“Can I hold him,” Guest #everyone asked. His butt was rarely so thoroughly patted. Out of respect for Manda’s party, he’d determined to be patient and go along with it. He wanted to go to Manda or Becky, but they were being the polite hostesses, as he knew they needed to be. Looking at the person holding him, Jamie remembered catching toads as a kid, and half the time they’d pee on themselves to make themselves less appetizing, but a defense mechanism that wouldn’t work for Jamie.

At last, but really after no more than twenty minutes, he heard a familiar voice. “Excuse me,” he said to the big holding him, another of Becky’s colleagues, who kept on talking. “Excuse me … Hey!”

Out of patience, Jamie wriggled and said, “Lemme go” as the man finally got the point and gently set Jamie on his feet, swatting his butt gently as he started to walk away. Once upon a time, Jamie would have rounded on the man and given him a piece of his mind, but these days it took more to get a rise out of Jamie. He walked gingerly through the see of tall legs, watchful as always to avoid getting stepped on, and when he saw Mel he tugged on her pants leg to get her attention.

“Jamie,” she exclaimed. She picked him up, and he put his legs around her waist and his arms around her neck.

“Congratulations on your graduation,” he said.

“Thank you! Are you having fun?”

“I am now. Just do me a favor and don’t let anyone else pick me up.”

“Point out them out to me! I’ll set ‘em straight.”

“Those ones,” Jamie said as he swept the room behind him with his arm.

“O. There’s too many. How about we go get a plate of food instead?”

“Yes, please.” Mel walked into the dining room and shifted Jamie to her hip. He held the plate while she got the goodies. She knew what he liked and didn’t like.

“Kinda crowded in here,” she said. “Wanna go sit outside?”

“Sure.” A few people were outside at the folding tables Becky had set up. Mel sat at an empty one.

“So,” Mel said as the two of them picked at the plate, “Excited for summer?”

“Yeah. It’s my favorite. What are you doing this summer?”

“Working and searching for a real job.” Jamie didn’t envy her one bit. He didn’t want to quash her enthusiasm, so he refrained from apologizing for her misfortune at entering the adult working world. “And hanging out with you and Ella.”

“She’s looking forward to seeing you.”

“I am, too.”

“Have you got any leads on jobs?”

“Not yet. I may need to settle for an internship for a while. But we’ll see.”

“Hey, Mel,” a male voice said. Mel and Jamie turned to see a boy her age approaching.

“Hey, Todd,” Mel said in a friendly but not warm tone. “I didn’t know you to be here.”

“I’m with Kyle. We’re hitting up a few graduation parties today.” Jamie liked Kyle. He was on the very short list of boys associated with Amanda that he didn’t want to chase off. “Is this Jamie?”

“Yes,” Jamie said. “Nice to meet you.”

Todd nodded at him, and said to Mel, “He seems like all the other littles to me. Don’t really see why Amanda puts him first all the time.”

“Nice,” Mel said sarcastically. “Really.”

“Sorry,” Todd said as he backed away, rolling his eyes.

Jamie grimaced and watched him go. “I’ve never met a Todd who wasn’t a complete and total prick shit!” Jamie yelled. Todd stopped, paused, and then kept walking without turning around. Mel laughed out loud. “Who was that guy?”

“Someone from school. Total bro. Don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say ‘prick shit’ before.”

“Bonus of being a little. Getting to say what you feel.”

“Better not let Becky hear you say things like that.” He didn’t need the reminder. He knew what soap tastes like.

“Kyle is friends with him?”

“Sort of. I don’t know. I think he’s too nice to not put up with his shit.”

“I bet you a back rub they stop hanging out as soon as the summer’s over, if that long,” Jamie said. “Without school they’ll just drift apart.”

“Hmm. Here’s hoping. You wanna go find Kyle?”

“I’m sure he’ll come find us eventually. So you’ve decided against grad school then?”

“For now. I wanna try working for a while. Tired of school.”

“I get that.”

“And besides, maybe I’ll find something I really like without a graduate degree. Most people do.”

“Or they settle.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means two weeks after you get your first real job, you’re gonna get the biggest paycheck you’ve ever gotten, and you’re gonna get used to making money real quick. That makes it hard to go back to school, prying yourself away from that.”

“We’ll see. Anyway, for now I’m just intent on finding that job and enjoying my summer in the meantime. Are you full?”

“Yeah.”

“Maybe we should go see who else is here. Don’t wanna be rude.”

“If you insist.” They went inside and dropped the plate in the bin. While in the kitchen, Mel helped herself to one of the good beers from the fridge, this being her second home, and she made a sippy cup of milk for Jamie.

“There he is!” Donna squealed.

“You put me down, and I will never forgive you,” Jamie whispered to Mel. Donna bustled over.

“Hi, Jamie! Is you having fun at the party? Is you? Is you-is you?” He responded by turning into Mel’s chest and hiding his face where her arm met her body. “How are you still so shy,” Donna asked.

“I’m also here,” Mel said. The two of them had grown apart as college had gone on, and Jamie wondered if it had something to do with him. They were more cordial acquaintances and less friends now.

“And once more you beat me to this little guy.” Jamie took a deep breath. Respect for Amanda is what kept him from telling Donna off years ago. Sure, Donna’s antics were sometimes funny, but more often she just drove him nuts. One time when he had acquiesced and let her hold him, he regretted it so quickly he did his best to flood his diaper in the hope it would leak.

“Hi, Donna,” he said without taking his head from the crook of Mel’s arm.

“Hiyeee! So now that I’ve graduated, as soon as I get a job I’m gonna apply to adopt a little. Won’t that be awesome? A new friend for you to play with!” Jamie’s eyes crossed for a moment. “But I wanna a newborn, no offense.” Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. He could picture that working, a human blissfully unaware of what a doting, irritating nuisance their big was; anyway, he suspected she wouldn’t get approved for adoption until she was much more established in her career and had some real money tucked away. Jamie had seen the receipts Becky got from Little Hearth.

“That’s … great,” he said. “That’ll be … uh-huh.”

“We’d better keep circulating,” Mel said.

“Lemme know if you get tired of holding him,” Donna said hopefully. Jamie imagined if that were to happen he’d just hold on to her shirt the way a baby gorilla hangs from its mother’s fur. As they made their way around the room, some people acknowledged him when they spoke to Mel and some didn’t. A few spoke to him, and then introduced themselves to her. The card table Becky had put up in the corner to collect presents and envelopes was getting pretty full.

“I hope I clean up that well at my party next weekend,” Mel said. “You gonna draw me a card?”

“Of course. Don’t I always?”

“You do, and I always save them,” she said as she tapped the end his nose with the last three words. He liked it when she did that. “There’s your aunt.”

“My other aunt,” Jamie said to her as they approached Lauren. He liked thinking of Mel as his aunt.

“I figured he had to be with you,” she said. “Congratulations.”

“O, he prefers to be with me all the time.”

“Ha! I meant on your graduation.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Can I at least have a hug?”

“Yes,” Jamie said and held his arms out for her to take him. He got a hug and a kiss, and so did Lauren.

“Thank you, Jamie Bear. Sammy is outside in the back with Danny if you wanna go say hello.”

“We’ll work our way out there eventually,” Jamie said. “How are Sammy and Danny?”

“Fine. Well, Sammy is fine. Danny is completely overwhelmed by potty training. Man can build server farms but gets completely flustered by potty accidents.”

“Maybe Sammy isn’t ready,” Mel suggested.

“He’s ready. Trust me. Besides, I’m ready. I told Daniel, I said, ‘He’s not a little who’ll just be in diapers forever. He needs to be out of them before he can start preschool.’ We even explained to Sammy why you need diapers forever and he doesn’t,” she said to Jamie

“I’d have liked to have heard that,” Jamie said. Not that he minded, most of the time, but he was still perplexed by their erroneous understanding of how human bodies work. He’d made his peace with it, but still. One thing Jamie still wanted to know, though, is when amazon children generally figure out humans are different from amazons and how much of what they come to understand humans to be is biological versus cultural.

“I guess we will go say hello,” Jamie said.

“Maybe I could get a summer job chauffeuring littles around on my hip,” Mel joked as they made their way back outside.

“Sorry.”

“I’m kidding,” she said, giving him a kiss on his forehead. Danny was talking with someone, and below him, seated in the ruins of Jamie’s recently grand sandcastle, was Sammy.

“Hi, Danny,” Jamie said, interrupting him.

“O hey, Jamester. Liza,” he said to the woman he was talking with, “this is Jamie, of course, and Mel.”

“We’ve met,” Liza said.

“Nice to see you again,” Jamie replied.

“We were catching up on old times.”

“I knew your uncle when he was a total brat. Always trying to drive me and your mom nuts.”

“I wasn’t that bad. What’s keeping you busy these days, Jamester?”

“You know me,” he shrugged, “Corporate espionage, insider trading, staying one step ahead of the law.” Rebuilding sandcastles.

“I love sarcastic littles,” Liza said, “Sorry, Jamie – I know you hate when people say stuff like that – but it’s true. You’re so much more fun than those perpetual infants.”

“Isn’t he,” Mel said.

“And congratulations to you, Mel,” Danny said.

“O, did you just graduate, too,” Liza asked.

“Yeah.”

“I’m proud of her,” Jamie said. The three bigs looked at him expecting a punchline. “Really,” he said, “I am. It’s a big deal.” He smiled kindly at Mel, and she gave him a little squeeze.

“I like him more, too,” Mel said.

“There you are,” Becky said as she approached them from behind. “I was starting to worry where you’d gotten to. What have you been up to,” she asked.

“Mingling,” Jamie and Mel said at the same time.

“Jamie’s like me,” Daniel said, “just loves to party.”

“That may be, but it’s his nap time,” Becky said as she held her arms out. Mel dutifully handed him over.

“He needs changed,” she said. Jamie blushed.

“I bet my Baby Bear does.”

“Do I hafta take a nap,” Jamie whined. “I haven’t even seen Kyle yet.”

“Sorry, but you missed him. He did say to tell you hi, though,” Becky informed him.

“O.”

“Night-night, Jamie,” Mel said. He wished it were her naptime, too.

“Bye. I’ll see you this week?”

“Definitely.”

“Bye, Danny. Bye, Liza,” Jamie said. They returned his goodbyes. Sammy The Destroyer of Worlds and Toys seemed content to focus on his inferior whatever-he-was-making.

“C’mon,” Becky said.

“I’m not that tired,” Jamie said.

“Uh-huh,” Becky replied. She’d heard that before. In his nursery, she laid him on his changing table and began to undress him.

“Really,” he yawned.

“Want your binky?”

He sighed, knowing he hadn’t lost this contest because it had never been a contest. She found his pacifier in the crib and put it between his lips.

“Did you have fun with Aunt Mel,” Becky asked as she traced a finger down his bare chest and tummy.

“Mhmm.”

“Well, now that it’s summertime again, you’ll get to see her a lot,” Becky said as she changed Jamie into a dry diaper. “And I’ll be done with work in another two weeks, and then we go on vacation.”

By the time she sealed the last tape on his diaper, Jamie was asleep. “Hmm,” Becky chuckled, “Good thing you’re not sleepy,” she whispered as she laid him in his crib.