Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 136

“My ride will be here soon,” Cheryl said to Jamie. They were sitting on the floor, absentmindedly playing with the marble blocks he’d gotten for Christmas.

“I know,” Jamie said quietly. “Thanks for keeping your promise.”

“I’ve broken plenty of promises. That’s not why I came.”

“I know.”

“This isn’t goodbye, Jamie.”

“When will I see you again?”

Cheryl closed her eyes. This was just as hard for her. “One day I’ll be back. Do you believe me?”

“Always ... I could go back some day. Nine more years isn’t that long.”

Cheryl bit her lip. “Don’t think like that.” Cheryl didn’t believe she was worth giving up all this for; she wouldn’t have it. “You’re never going back. This is the right place for you.”

Jamie’s lungs sucked in air, and he held it until he could let it out again in words and not a sob. “… I know.”

“We’ll write. We’ll still be a part of each other’s lives.”

“This is so hard.”

“It was last time too … But this is better,” she wanted him to believe. “We didn’t know then. We didn’t know things would work out like they have ... I’m so happy for you, Jamie. I never ...” She fought back her own emotions. Neither wanted to part with tears. “This is all more than I could have ever hoped for you.”

“… I wish we’d see each other more.”

“I have the portrait you drew me. It’s beautiful, Jamie.”

“And I have your photos.”

“And we can send more. I’ll tell your mom to send me pictures of you.”

“She’d like that. She likes showing me off.”

“She’s so proud of you. I’m so proud of you.”

“ … Promise me you’ll find someone. Don’t be lonely … It’s so hard being lonely,” Jamie said with quavering voice.

“I promise.”

“I love you. I should have said it then.”

“I love you, Jamie. No regrets.”

A horn honked outside. They both froze, just for a moment, and each looked away from the other, gathering strength or swallowing down some bittersweet feeling.

Jamie stood up first, holding out his hand for Cheryl. She took it, and he helped her up. He walked her to the living room, where she said her thanks and goodbyes to Becky and Amanda. They thanked her again. Hugs were exchanged. Promises to send pictures. Jamie walked her to the door alone and helped her into her coat. He took her in his arms.

“It’s not goodbye, Jamie. It’s only goodnight.”

They kissed one another as they hadn’t kissed since the night they spent together, the headlights refracting through the cut glass window of the door. They parted, and he held her face in his palms.

“No tears this time,” he whispered.

“We’ll write soon,” she whispered back.

“We will. I promise.”

“I believe you.”

She shut her eyes again. In that darkness, she imagined she could open her eyes and see Tish holding the syringe and Jamie closing the folder that held the final consent form; him shaking his head and saying he wanted to stay with her; that it had all been a terrible, wonderful dream; and she would cast aside her better angels and take him home; and he would heal and be happy with her; and they would never part.

But when she opened her eyes, they were in Itali, and Jamie was still touching her face with his soft hands.

She took hold of one of those hands and gently pulled it away. She leaned over and picked up the handle of her backpack. Jamie put his hands in his pockets.

“It’s only goodnight, Jamie.”

“Goodnight, Cheryl.”

They looked at one another for a long moment, and Jamie closed his eyes and blinked away tears as he opened the door for her. She stepped into the winter dark and walked to the car without turning around. When she had gotten in and closed the door, he waited for the car to pull away, and he gently closed the door behind him.

In the living room, Becky was seated on the couch. Amanda was looking out the window. Jamie put his arms up even as he walked across the room, and Becky leaned forward and lifted him onto her lap. He pressed his face against her, letting her sweater wick away the tears he couldn’t hold back anymore.

“I’m okay,” Jamie said.

“I know you are,” Becky she cooed as she rubbed his back and rocked him.

“I’m not sad.”

“I know, Baby Bear.” He cried himself to sleep like that. Only then did Amanda let a few of her own tears escape.

“I know, baby, I’m sad for him, too,” Becky said.

“At least he has us. Who’s going to comfort her tonight? She’s so small …”