Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 134

When Becky went in a little while later to check on them, she found Cheryl sitting up stroking Jamie’s hair.

“Isn’t my Baby Bear handsome,” Becky whispered.

“Very,” Cheryl answered, admiring him. She considered that one day she might go to Itali just for the medical care, wondering what it felt like to have half a lifetime’s aches, pains, and wrinkles taken away.

“Ya wanna get up?”

“Yeah.” Becky carefully lifted her out out of the crib trying not to wake Jamie.

“Can the two of us talk somewhere,” Cheryl asked. Becky led her to the living room and helped her onto the couch. As much as Cheryl wanted to confront her about the diapers, she knew it wouldn’t be right. Whatever Becky had thought or was still thinking, if Jamie was okay with things now, then she had no right to raise the issue and potentially upset the equilibrium of their relationship. Instead, she asked, “How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“He’s happy. When I met him ... Honestly, I’ve never met someone with so much self-loathing.”

“Neither had I.”

“So what changed? How did he get like this?”

“Love,” Becky replied.

“That sounds – sorry – overly simplistic.”

“Well, it is. It wasn’t just that. He’s been going to therapy twice a week. Amanda and I have been doing what the therapist said, praising him for every nice thing he does, helping him identify cognitive distortions. Encouraging him ... Believe me, it wasn’t easy.”

“He told me he had some anger issues when he first got here.”

“More like anger-control issues. And trust issues. And melancholy issues.” Becky shook her head with a smile.

“How’d you get through it?”

“Me? I didn’t give up, even when I got it wrong. Mostly, though, we just wouldn’t let him say no.”

“‘No’ to what?”

“‘No’ to letting us help him. That was his instinct, to do everything alone, have every bad feeling alone. I don’t know what he thought being adopted meant. Just moving in with us?”

“I’m not sure he ever understood what he wanted it to mean,” Cheryl told her.

“Amanda said something like that a long time ago. Or it seems like a long time ago.”

“He’s crazy about her.”

“And it really drove me nuts at first,” Becky chuckled. “I was so jealous. Happy for them, but ya know.”

“I understand.”

“But really, what the therapist said is we need to show him he’s lovable so that he understands he’s lovable. You can’t be lovable and loath yourself at the same time, I suppose.”

“He really is lovable, isn’t he,” Cheryl said, beaming.

“I don’t fully understand how he couldn’t figure that out on his own,” Becky said back, her forehead creasing.

“You know how he grew up?”

“He explained it.”

“Well, I don’t know if anyone ever told him they loved him. Or made him feel that way.”

“You did.”

“I couldn’t have done this, not in our world,” Cheryl told her.

“Well, you are responsible for this.”

“He’s the one who made the decision. Take away all the negative things in his life, come here; he figured that part out.”

“And you’re the one who put him with us. So I guess we all deserve some credit.”

“I want to thank you, for helping him get so far. That’s why I put him with you. I thought if any of the people who were interested in him could, it would be you and Amanda. So thank you.”

“How many people wanted him?”

“Just two others,” Cheryl informed her.

“Really? Why?”

“It’s hard to place humans with special needs, especially emotional needs.”

“That’s sad ... Probably didn’t help that he didn’t want to be regressed.”

“I’ve only had one other client who didn’t want to be, and she backed out.”

“Most people want a regressed little, I found out,” Becky said.

“How?”

“Prejudiced people let me know.”

“Does Jamie know?”

“If he does, I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want him to know that particular prejudice exists in the world.” Becky suddenly felt uncomfortable, needing to defend herself. “He’s not regressed now,” Becky quickly added.

“I know. I didn’t think he was.”

“He’s not. His mind is perfectly intact.”

“I know.”

“Good ... He just behaves younger sometimes.”

“I’m okay with it.”

“Really?”

Cheryl nodded vigorously. “I know the difference. Regression isn’t how you behave. It’s how the mind works, and his works the same as it always did. If I didn’t think having the emotional support people give a little was going to be helpful, I wouldn’t have sent him here.”

“He can be very little sometimes now.”

“I figured ... I know Jamie. If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t ... And even that pacifier in his crib, it’s just a thing. Not going to begrudge him a comfort object. Or comforting anything.”

“I was afraid you’d think we did something to make him that way.”

“You did do something, though. You made him feel safe enough to do all that, to be the way he is now. That’s what you were supposed to do. He trusts you ... Everyone would be happier if they could crawl into someone else’s arms any time they needed to, or just wanted to ... even bigs.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, Becky relieved Cheryl didn’t think they’d done anything they shouldn’t have to make Jamie the cuddly Baby Bear he was now.

“We’re not done,” Becky said.

“With what?”

“Jamie. He’s still got some work to do.”

“I know.” Cheryl was feeling a lot better about Becky. She was glad they’d had this talk. Her initial instincts all those months ago were right, albeit not perfect.

“What are you guys talking about,” Amanda asked as she carried Jamie into the room. His shirt had ridden up and his bottoms had ridden down, and Cheryl got a good look at the cartoons on the seat of his diaper. He really did look cute, even cuter in his sister’s arms. Amanda sat down in the chair, and Jamie sat between her legs, leaning back against her.

“Just shooting the breeze,” Becky replied, “Did my Baby Bear get enough rest?”

Jamie rolled his eyes. “Yes, Mom.”

Whatever the details, this is what Cheryl had wanted for him, what she had told him in her first letter: love by his side all day and long night. That’s what Jamie had now.