Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 94

Dear Jamie,

I’m bringing you a Christmas present.

Your forever friend,

Cheryl

Jamie was excited and nervous and some other feeling he didn’t know the name of.

______________________________________________

Ella had already left daycare for the day, and Jamie had spent the rest of the afternoon jogging around the perimeter of the field before being cleaned up by April just in time to hear, “Hey, Jamie!”

He smiled and stood up, said thank you and goodbye to April, put his things away in his cubby, and happily walking out of daycare hand in hand with Amanda. This was his favorite part of the day, getting picked up. He’d grown mostly accustomed to daycare and enjoyed spending time with Ella, but on days when she had PT or a doctor’s appointment and left early, he looked especially forward to being reunited with his people.

“What are we doing today,” he asked Amanda.

“What makes you think we’re doing something?”

“Because we almost always do.”

“That means I must be spoiling you. Mel’s in the car. We’re going on a short hike. How does that sound?”

“Like fun,” he said. They drove away from home, skirted the outer edge of the city, where Jamie still hadn’t been, and crossed a narrow river. The area on the far bank wasn’t so heavily built up as the side they lived on, and the land quickly gave way to recently harvested fields arrayed at every conceivable angle across rolling hills lined at their crests with cypress trees. They crossed a half-dozen ridge lines before Amanda turned down a gravel road that took them down into a broad, sloping valley blanketed in forest. It was a good autumn day for a hike.

They pulled into a small lot by a trailhead not far into the forest. Amanda and Mel got out of the car, and Amanda went to the trunk while Mel helped Jamie out of his carseat. When she closed the trunk, Jamie saw Amanda was wearing the little-carrier pack she’d bought at JJ Legume.

“Can I walk,” Jamie asked.

“Of course. This is just in case you get tired, plus it has a picnic and your things in it.

They set off down the trail trying to stay at a cadence that worked for all three of them. Mel, the most athletic of the three, slowed down for Amanda, who slowed down for Jamie. Still, the trail was difficult for someone of Jamie’s stature, with some roots and rocks he had to climb over rather than step over. Amanda and Mel took to holding his hands and lifting him over the taller obstacles.

“Up we go,” Amanda would say, and Mel would take his other hand, and Jamie would use his momentum to swing up and over whatever was in his way. It was fun and silly and reminded him just how small and light he was to them. The woods were as tall as a redwood forest. Jamie didn’t know if the trees were very tall, tall, or average in this world of giants, and the moss growing on the trees and rocks smelled deeply of earth in the fall, that past-summer smell before the autumn rains when the soil in the woods is dusty and hard under the darkness cast by the canopy overhead. Around the edges of puddles Jamie saw the occasional footprint similar to a but smaller, and he sensed the season would soon turn to the damp and grey between the best part of autumn and the start of winter.

Even though they slowed down and helped him over the rocks and roots and fallen logs on the trail, by the time they reached their half-way point Jamie was tired. He’d been jogging before they picked him up and speed walking to keep up even with the slowed gait. Jamie was sweaty and estimated they’d walked three miles at a clip that was for him not sustainable. He could run at that pace, but he couldn’t speed walk at that pace and clamber over rocks and roots for much longer. The two amazons still looked fresh and ready to go twice as far.

The forest opened up on a meadow, not very large, on a flat and low part of the trail that ran along the river they’d crossed during their drive, which Jamie hadn’t known was there through the trees and underbrush. Amanda unslung the pack from her shoulders, revealing that she was perspiring underneath it, which made Jamie – knowing it was ridiculous and that he wasn’t competing or being judged – feel good to know he wasn’t the only one getting a workout. Amanda withdrew a blanket from the pack spread it out in the grass, and the three of them sat down for a snack.

From inside the pack, Amanda fished out apples still cool from the fridge, some cheese, a plate, a knife, and water bottles. Jamie removed the nipple from his; he needed the water too fast to drink that way. The trio ate their snack and talked about nothing in particular. They landed on the topic of career plans, of which Mel had none, and Jamie did his best as the senior member of the group to pass along his insights as the only one of them to have had a career.

“Ignore that talk about how you should find what you love and try to do that for a living,” he assured her.

“Why?”

“Because one, you don’t want to turn your hobby into work, and because two, you don’t want to turn work into a hobby. Work is something you do first because you have to. If you like what you do, that’s just a bonus, but don’t let your hobbies and your work get so mixed up that you have no identity separate from your work. Trust me: the work will not save you or make you happy.”

“Speaking from experience,” Mel asked.

“Yes. ‘Do what you love’ is great advice if you’re a business owner trying to get more out of his workers, but that’s all it is.” Jamie wasn’t telling them not to do what they loved, just not to make it their sole criteria for a career.

The two of them absorbed his insight and weren’t sure what to make of it. Just because it hadn’t worked out for him didn’t mean it couldn’t. It just made sense on its face to try to get a job doing what you love. It would’ve amused him to know they were as distrustful of his advice as any twenty-year-old back home would’ve been.

“Can I go look around,” he asked.

“Sure, but stay where we can see you. There are wild boars in these woods.”

“Are they …” He wasn’t sure how to ask and realized the best way was with his hands. “Are they small,” he asked, holding his leveled hand just above his knee, “or medium sized?”

“Small.” So what to Jamie was normal sized, not that he’d ever seen one in person. He knew they could be mean and would attack a person until that person stopped fighting back and played dead. But Jamie didn’t think much of the chances of running into one. He walked toward the river.

“So how’s his therapy going, if you don’t mind me asking,” Mel said. She rightfully connected his advice to his problems.

“Pretty good, I think. He’s got a long road though. Just the other day he wrote a letter to his caseworker back where he’s from. Totally put him in a funk. I don’t think he can even think of that place without getting all melancholy.”

“He writes to his caseworker?”

“I’ve never read any of the letters, but the two of them were something of an item, sort of, briefly.”

“Hmm. He seems happy.”

“He could be in a car wreck with you and have a good time,” Amanda rejoined. “But he is less prone to bad moods, and he hasn’t had a tantrum in a while. Still … The therapist thinks all the newness in his life is just distracting him. She says he’s doing better but that’s he seems better on the outside than he really is on the inside. At first I thought that was crap, but I think I see what she means.”

“Like what?”

“He’s just … I don’t know exactly what to call it. Anxious, depressed, but also just full of guilt, I guess. It takes, like, nothing for him to feel guilty about something.”

“Like what?”

“Like three days ago, these two bullies at his little care got in enough trouble that their mom came from work. She took them to the quiet room and gave them each a spanking. Jamie completely lost it.”

“What did it have to do with him?”

“Nothing. In fact, one of those boys spent two months picking on Jamie trying to get him to fight. But he just heard hitting and crying and bolted over there trying to interfere.”

“A spanking isn’t such a big deal. Though that wasn’t the time or place.”

“Well, I’ll disagree with you – people shouldn’t hit littles or kids – but to Jamie it was next-level traumatic. He got … hit,” she swallowed, “growing up, and he dealt with a lot of abused kids.”

“You never told me that.”

“He won’t say much about it. He just alludes to it sometimes.” She paused, thinking on the people who did that to him and wishing she could confront them, even give into the ugly impulse to do just what she said shouldn’t be done.

She sighed and continued, “Anyway, the daycare owner and his teacher both had to jump in to get ahold of him. He was in full on rage mode and pounding on the door to the room, and then when they had him, he just started sobbing and went to pieces. Mom had to go pick him up early.”

“Geez. That sounds ugly.” She pictured it and thought she had never seen something like that. Plenty of littles and kids having tantrums, but not like that.

“Can’t say I blame him.”

“Was it like flashbacks or something?”

“Maybe, but I think he just can’t stand it when people hurt littles or kids. Apparently, that mom is a piece of work anyway. Jamie told me the receptionist told him she goes months thinking her boys are angels and then loses her shit, does something like that, and then goes right back into denial.

“And Jamie is just a very gentle person anyway; he lost his temper with one of those littles once and felt terrible about it, even though he really didn’t do anything wrong. He even asked Mom last week at the garden store not to use weed killer because it’s bad for butterflies. He was even a little emotional about it.”

Mel asked, “How was he after your mom picked him up when he had that meltdown?”

“Inconsolable for at least an hour. He thought it was partially his fault for the time he tattled and got one of those boys in trouble.”

“Ughh. That’s awful.” Mel understood now what Amanda meant when she talked about Jamie, who always seems happy to be with her, carrying a lot of history with him.

Amanda looked thoughtfully at the blanket. “I’m glad he’s here, in Itali. He’s safer with us than he would be anywhere else.”

“You do take good care of him. Honestly, I love him, but I’m not sure I could handle caring for a little 24/7 even without Jamie’s needs.”

“I think everybody says that until they have one. You know how I felt about it – didn’t want a little at all.”

“Heh. And now look at you. You’re actually nursing him.”

“Actually, no. Mom is.” She’d discussed the possibility of it with Mel and hadn’t updated her on Jamie’s decision.

“Are you jealous?”

“Well, a little, but only because I don’t get to put him to bed as often. I like tucking him in.”

“O.”

Amanda looked up and around the meadow. “Where’d he go anyway? I told him not to go where I couldn’t see him. JAMIE!”

Mel looked around too. “JAMIE!” They heard no reply and went to look for him in the direction he’d headed.

“JAMIE!”

“JAMIE!” No reply. They spread out.

“JAMES PATRICK,” Amanda shouted. “Ooo, he is gonna be in so much trouble.” They were both growing worried.

“JAMIE!” Very faintly they head his voice and quick-stepped toward it.

“JAMIE! WHERE ARE YOU?”

“DOWN HERE,” Jamie shouted. “Don’t Come all the way to the edge.” Jamie was in the river to his knees. Luckily, the water wasn’t deep or fast.

“Where?!?”

“The river! The bank crumbled! Don’t come all the way to the edge!” It had fallen away under him, and he rode a small shower of land on his butt down the steep slope and into the river, slipping as he tried to stop himself and getting soaked from feet to head. Adrenaline course through him as he flopped over before realizing the water was shallow and slow.

Amanda and Mel stopped a few feet shy of the ledge. They couldn’t see him. “O my god! Are you okay!?!”

“Yes.” He was embarrassed, and the taste of the adrenaline lingered, but he was unhurt.

“How do we get him back up,” Mel asked.

From below the water, Jamie answered, “One of you lie down and take the other’s ankles, and the other one lie down and see if you can reach me.” They did as he said.

When Amanda peered over the edge, she saw a wet, muddy Jamie staring up at her. “Guess you didn’t hear me call for help, huh?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“Here,” she reached down with both arms and was able to get her hands around Jamie’s wrists. It wasn’t comfortable on his shoulders or hers, but she was able to lift him up high enough that she could get an arm around his waist and drag him over the ledge.

When he was on firm ground, Amanda hugged him extra tight, getting herself wet and muddy and not in the least caring, and then backed away, keeping a firm hand on each of his shoulders. Jamie had seen that angry look from her on his behalf before, but never directed at him. “I told you to stay where I could see you.”

“I did!” he replied, pointing at the blanket. Amanda turned and saw there was a line of sight between the blanket and the ledge.

“O.” She was all sympathy and assigned herself more blame than she deserved, feeling like she should’ve been watching him more closely and expecting her mom to deservedly give her a long lecture about it after Jamie went to bed. It would be a long time before she made that mistake again. “Sorry. We didn’t see, or I guess hear.”

“That’s okay.”

She gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Is he alright,” Mel asked, sitting back on her heels and looking pensive. She hadn’t experienced until just then the awful feeling of a person she was responsible for and cared about narrowly averting danger. Her heart had leapt into her mouth and was still easing back down.

“I think so,” Amanda answered, not entirely trusting Jamie’s assurance. They walked back to the blanket. “Here. Hold still.” She pulled the wet tee shirt off of him, followed by his wet shoes and socks and shorts and finally his saturated diaper that was on the verge of falling apart. “Leave some water in the river next time,” Amanda softly joked.

Jamie was naked. He’d never been completely naked in pubic before, obviously; he was glad they were alone. It was late in an afternoon well into fall, and the warmth was all but gone from the day as the sun fell. He was starting to shiver.

“Sit,” Amanda said, and when he did she wrapped him up in the blanket. “You sure you’re okay?” She was over the immediate alarm and was on to thinking of all the ways he could be hurt and not shown it or feel it yet.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Lemme check?” He nodded.

She pulled back the blanket and checked Jamie for bumps, bruises, and scratches, feeling his arms and hands, his legs and feet, his chest and back, his scalp to make sure nothing hurt when she gently prodded, squeezed, or flexed his joints.

“Did you bonk your head?”

“No.”

“Go like this for me.” She bent her head to each side, then forward and back and rotated it around, and he mimicked her. He was mildly amused but held in the smile. Amanda was doing what he would’ve done in her position, seeming unconcerned so as to not alarm the little while feeling more worried than she let on, needing to check everywhere before she was ready to let the worry go.

“Does anything hurt at all?”

“My butt, but just a little from when I fell, and my hands from trying to stop myself.” His palms were read but there was no broken skin, just as on his back from sliding down the embankment.

Satisfied he was fine, she sighed, letting herself relax, and kissed each hand. “I’ll kiss your butt booboo after you’ve had a bath.” She opened the backpack and pulled out a change of clothes in a grocery bag. “Arms up.” She pulled a shirt over his head. “Lay back for me.”

“It’s a good thing you’re a little,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because if you weren’t I wouldn’t have brought an entire change of clothes for you. Except shoes.” She did it without thinking not to do it, having at some point in her life internalized the maxim to never leave the house with a little without a second outfit, especially for an outdoor adventure, not that anyone had ever taught her that. It just something she knew.

She got out a diaper, and Jamie laid back. She cleaned him thoroughly of the river water. She applied rash cream, which she didn’t normally do when they were out. She put dry socks on him first, which always feel good, and then a pair of his jogging pants.

“You’re fine,” she declared him, giving him another kiss, that time to his forehead.

Surprising all three of them, Mel’s voice broke when she asked, “Are you sure he’s okay?”

“Yeah, he’s a tough one.”

Jamie scooted over to Mel. She was hugging him before he could hug her, lifting him onto her lap. “I’m fine, really,” he said. “Thank you for helping me.”

“You scared me.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault, buddy,” Amanda said. “Important thing is that you’re safe.” They packed up, putting Jamie’s wet things into the grocery bag. “Guess you’re riding back,” Amanda said. Jamie would have asked to anyway; between his jog at daycare, his steeplechase to the meadow, and his adrenaline drop, he was very tired.

Mel helped get Jamie situated in the carrier. It was well padded but ventilated, and though the padding between his legs felt a bit wide and unyielding, he mostly found it comfortable. It hugged his butt firmly. Mel was about to give him a playful pop on the butt through the carrier and thought better of it. Still anxious over not being able to find Jamie, even if for less than two minutes, she casually said, “Maybe we should get one of those harnesses with the leads.”

Jamie gave her one of the dirtiest looks he’d ever given a big. “No way, Donna, not happening.”

Amanda honked, “Ha! Burn.” They started on their way back as Jamie reminded Amanda to be mindful of low branches, passing it off as a joke but meaning it.

“How is it up there,” Amanda asked.

“Good. Kinda weird. I feel like I should be pedaling or something.” That got a good laugh out of Mel and Amanda both, and they all started to forget being scared. It underscored for Jamie the nature of their dynamic. He wasn’t afraid when he fell, or even when he struggled to regain his footing. He was afraid when he called out and no one heard, just as they were afraid when they called out and didn’t hear a response.

Back in the car, Mel asked, “Anyone hungry-hungry? I could use more than an apple.”

“TexMex” Amanda asked.

“Yes, please,” Jamie answered. They drove toward home and went straight to the TexMex place in the downtown part of their little suburb.

“Mom won’t be mad if we spoil our dinner, will she,” Jamie asked after they were seated.

“Not if we text her and ask her what she’d like us to bring her.”

“So other than going for a swim, did you have fun, Jamie,” Mel asked.

“Yeah.” He told her about how he was still getting used to how big everything was, how he wished he’d seen a boar, and asked if Mel hiked a lot.

“Not a lot. But it is nice to go, especially in the middle of a weekday when you have the place to yourself. That trail’s a zoo on nice weekends.” A bowl of queso arrived.

“I was into hiking for a little while. It always ended in me eating too much food at a place like this,” Jamie told them. He looked at the frozen cocktails they were drinking. “Is it too late to order a virgin one of those?”

Amanda flagged down their server and ordered a virgin margarita as Jamie shook his head at hoe they really had imported TexMex item for item. Jamie asked them to add any little juice to it they thought would be good. Meals out still came with introductions to foods and juices and drinks he hadn’t known existed, and he was always on the lookout for little food and drink he hadn’t tried yet. He often asked Amanda, Becky, or the server to suggest something, rarely regretting it. In a few minutes, Jamie was sipping a cold margarita, and what it lacked in booze it made up for in little juice.

“Woah,” he said after the first sip. Amanda dipped her finger into the glass and tasted it.

“Woah. They certainly didn’t forget to spill a little in the glass. Don’t finish that.” He’d be comatose if he had even half.

Between the exercise, fresh air, missed nap, filling meal, and margarita, Jamie was feeling sleepy before the check came.

“Looks like an early bedtime after hot bath.”