Done Adulting Vol. 1 ch. 34

“Hi, I’m …” Becky’s heart leapt to her throat as her ears were assaulted by Jamie’s unrestrained sobbing.

Her voice filled with alarm, she raised it to be heard. “WHAT’S HAPPENING? WHY IS HE SCREAMING?” Becky didn’t wait for an answer; she dropped her purse and quick-stepped to Jamie’s nursery, passing an unconcerned Dana seated on the couch.

Jamie quieted somewhat when she reached him but didn’t stop sobbing. She scooped him up immediately, put him on her shoulder, and rubbed his back trying to soothe him. Dana walked in casually.

“What happened?” Becky was trying to hold back judgment.

“Someone is learning a lesson about being disrespectful to bigs.”

“What?”

“He needs to learn he’s here now and stop trying to be something he isn’t.”

“I can barely hear you.” Becky turned back to the crib and picked up the blanket, looking for Jamie’s bear. She knew it would soothe him. “Where’s his bear?”

“I took it.”

“WHAT!?! WHY!?!”

“He’s not going to figure out his place if reminders of his past are everywhere. We’ll get him a new bear from here.”

No longer trying to withhold judgment, she shouted in anger and to be heard above Jamie. “MOM! WHERE IS HIS BEAR?”

“It’s in the kitchen.”

Becky brushed past her mother and into the kitchen. The bear was on the counter. Becky picked it up and held it to Jamie’s face, its fur brushing his cheek. Jamie, eyes still closed, recognized the soft feel of his bear, pushed himself off Becky’s shoulder, grasped his bear, and fell back onto Becky with the bear crushed between them.

“Here you go, baby,” she cooed, “it’s alright now. Mommy’s back and you’re okay. Shh, shh.” Jamie’s sobs calmed down to a soft whimper. He was no longer afraid, but he felt wounded. He hadn’t ever been so afraid, and for so many reasons.

Becky kept shushing him, carried him gently back to his room, and set Jamie in his crib, patting his bottom out of habit. “Ugh, Mom, his pajamas are soaked, too.”

“You’re just enabling him. He won’t learn his place if…”

Becky had taken all she could take. “THIS IS HIS PLACE, MOM!

She shooed Dana into the hallway. Dana threw up her hands as though so misunderstood and unappreciated, the victim not given the respect due her. Becky closed the door most of the way. “What the hell happened?”

Dana recounted her version of the story. “So I took his earth things. And he’d be fine if you didn’t coddle him.” She sounded so satisfied with herself.

“Does he sound fucking fine to you! What the hell were you thinking?”

“Rebecca, he’s a very rude little boy, and your behavior right now …”

“OUT!”

“Excuse me?”

“GET OUT! Go home. I will call you later.”

“You’re …”

“YES! GO! I will call you later!”

Dana walked to the front door without another word and left. When the front door closed, Becky went back into the nursery and crossed the room to the crib in a single step, picking up Jamie and clutching him to her, once more with the bear pinned between them.

Jamie had heard the entire exchange. The yelling frightened him; he’d not heard Becky raise her voice before. But she had stood up for him in the most difficult way she could. Still with tears in his eyes, still feeling the trauma of nearly losing his bear and the fear of what else Dana might have done, he felt a new closeness to Becky, and new respect too. As much as she pressed him into her shoulder, he pressed back into her.

When the two of them were calm, she pulled off his wet pajamas and laid him on the changing table. He didn’t have much energy to help her. She lifted him up to get the overused diaper off him and began to wipe him down. Looking down at him, his puffy, red eyes and tear-streaked face, she lost her composure.

Nothing in all her life, not in twenty years as a mother, hurt the way it felt knowing she’d made such a mistake trusting her mother to watch him. She knew her mother wasn’t an easy person and had a lot of outdated ideas, but Becky thought that wouldn’t matter, that she wasn’t asking Dana to do anything more than keep him safe and change him and just be pleasant for a morning, that Dana could at least manage that.

It felt like someone was squeezing her heart. Her diaphragm cramped, and she sucked in air in painful swells. Her tears made his start again. She lifted him up, and he wrapped his legs around. She sat down on the floor, and they stayed liked that until they were both sure the other had cried all the horrible feelings out.