Done Adulting Vol. 1 Ch. 28

When they got back home, they emptied out the car into the driveway to shake out the sand before putting things away.

“Why don’t you go wait in your room while we take care of this. You look a little overheated,” Becky said. He did feel flushed. He wasn’t sunburnt, but he had a glow, felt more than seen. The sun, the saltwater, the exercise. He felt drowsy.

“He had quite a day,” Amanda said, “And so did we.”

“I think I’m at least as tired as he is,” Becky replied.

“Did Jane say anything about him?”

“Not really. Other than thinking he’s the cutest little boy she’s ever seen, but she’d say that no matter who we brought home.”

“I’m glad you have good friends, Mom.”

“Do you think Rosie had fun?”

“I think she has fun anywhere, but if you’re asking if she had fun with Jamie, yeah.”

Setting down the chairs in the basement, Becky groaned, “Ough! I just want to get this salt off me.” She stretched her arms toward the ceiling and yawned.

Amanda knew how hard a day it had been for her mom. An emotional gut punch in so many ways. What happened next wasn’t clear to Amanda, so she knew it wasn’t clear to her mom. Like she had said, they’d have to figure it out as they went. For her own part, Amanda wasn’t troubled by the day; she was comfortable with the uncertainty, but then, she knew most of what they discussed that day. For her mom, it was a mix of the old and hurtful and the new and worse.

“Go take a shower. I’ll get Jamie cleaned up,” Amanda offered.

“Thanks. How about just salad for dinner?”

“Sounds perfect. I feel too drained for anything hot.”

They walked up the stairs together, and Becky went to her bedroom while Amanda went to Jamie’s room. He was sitting in his chair with his eyes half closed trying to read his book and struggling to concentrate and comprehend. Amanda’s nose twitched.

“Did you save that just for me? How very thoughtful of you.”

Jamie knew what she was referencing. As a matter of fact, he thought, I did.

“You know the routine.” He pulled himself out of his chair, and Amanda scooped him up and placed him on the changing table in nearly one movement.

“Let’s just strip you now. Arms up.” She pulled off his t-shirt, unbuckled and removed his sandals, and pulled off his shorts.

“Did you have a good day, buddy?” She opened up the tub of wipes and placed one on his forehead and used another to wipe the warmth and stickiness from his face.

“Ooh, that feels good. It was a great day. Thanks so much.” He paused, holding the wipe, no longer cool, over his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Awww! Buddy,” she said as she leaned in, “I’d fall to pieces without you.” She kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s get that yucky diaper off you and then how about a cool bath.”

Jamie was too tired to help much, so Amanda did the heavy lifting. These times were becoming the time when they had important conversations. He already felt vulnerable but safe.

“How come you didn’t tell me Rosie was regressed?”

“What do you mean by regressed?”

“I mean … you know what I mean. She has the mind of a toddler.”

“Rosie came here only slightly regressed.”

“You mean she chose to be regressed further?”

“No. She just … became that way, over time. I think she reached this point maybe after five years.”

“But how?”

All clean, she carried him naked to the bathroom and filled the tub; he settled into the lukewarm water.

“I think you misunderstand. She’s developmentally no different than when she came here. She just behaves like that.”

That made less sense. Jamie wasn’t sure if his next question should be why or how. “But … how?”

“She chose to, or chooses to. I’m not sure which.”

“So she’s faking it?”

“No. She … what makes you think she’s acting like a toddler?”

Jamie’s face showed how obvious the answer was. “Uh, the way she talks; that she spent most of the morning making a pile of sand; the way she seems … I don’t know … not fully aware of what’s going on around her.”

“Exactly. Other stuff, too, if you’re around her often enough. I think she just …” This was hard to put into words. “Got over it?”

“Got over what?”

“Over … not being the way she is now. Her life got simpler, her needs and wants got simpler. She doesn’t have any inhibitions; she’s honest to a fault. She has fun building a pile of sand … Tell you the truth, I wish my toys were that cheap,” Amanda quipped. “I guess she found out she was happier this way and slowly became that way.”

“You make it sound like she devolved.”

“Why do you think that’s devolved?”

“Because she went backward. I mean, she lost her … you know what I mean.”

“If she is the way she is because it makes her happy, that’s not backward. That’s forward. And I think it’s more of an evolution. Like she became wise enough to let go of everything except the stuff that makes her happy.”

That was a new way for Jamie to think about it. Amanda washed him from head to toe. As much as he liked the sea, by the end of a day at the beach, he always felt between the sand, the sweat, and the salt he had a layer of grime to peel off.

“And I think she can turn it on and off,” Amanda said.

“How does that work?”

“Well, she’s as smart as she ever was. Nothing has changed physically in her brain. Every once in a while, you see her making a face like she’s … her old self. I think she found a way to be happy and likes it, and she can snap back to being her old self whenever she wants to. She just doesn’t want to.” Amanda paused and looked up to her left for a moment. “I don’t know. Maybe she does, just only when she and Jane are alone.”

Jamie looked surprised and fascinated. “How does someone do that? Just … stop being an adult – mentally? Just, turn off the thoughts, lose the inhibitions?”

Amanda was done washing Jamie.

“I don’t know. If I did, I’d probably do it sometimes, too.”

“You would?”

“How many dozen ways do people try to let go, take the edge off? And how many of those are dangerous? And none of them completely work. Her way … It works. She’s been blissed out for years.”

They both sat there and pondered it, both looking a little wistful.

“Can you please turn the cold water back on?” She leaned over and did, and Jamie stuck his head under it and ran his hands through his hair a few times.

“You ready to get out?”

He exhaled. “Yes.”

Amanda leaned over and pulled the plug, then took the towel from the bar and opened it up wide. Jamie stood, and in one motion she wrapped him up and lifted him to the sink.

“Can I comb your hair for you?”

“Mhmm.” She always did. She carried him back to his room in the towel and set him back down on the changing table.

“Any preference on PJs tonight?”

Jamie still felt flush from the sun. “Um,” he blushed, “Maybe just some shorts?” He was still feeling overheated, but he was also embarrassed to shirtless around Amanda and Rebecca; he rarely went around his own house shirtless before.

When he was dressed, she put him on his feet. “Mom’s in the kitchen. Why don’t you go hang out with her while I take my own shower?”

“Okay.” She headed upstairs, and he went to the kitchen.

“Hi, Becky.” She was chopping vegetables.

“Hey, baby. Looking handsome tonight.” He pulled himself into a chair; he was getting stronger thanks to Cheryl’s gifts.

“Thanks again for today. I had a really good time.”

“Good! I’m glad to hear you say that. Where did you learn to swim like that?”

“Day camp.” Every summer, he’d get put in day camp at the city park. The morning would be spent on some activity, and then the afternoons were spent at the pool. Most of the kids played on the slides and lazy river. Jamie liked the lap pool. It wasn’t so crowded, and he could play with other kids in it except during adult swim periods. He figured out, though, that if he swam laps, too, then the lifeguards wouldn’t make him get out unless an adult wanted the lane. And he wanted to stay in the water all the time. When he couldn’t stay in, he watched the adults swimming and then tried to do what they did. Four hours a day, five days a week, twelve weeks a year from when he was old enough to not be in daycare until he was fifteen.

“I don’t think I could swim like that,” Becky said. Jamie figured she could. That’s how water works: the longer the swimmer, or the longer the boat, the faster they go. But maybe there was something else about bigs’ anatomy, like they were just too heavy, not as buoyant as humans.

“Have you ever tried?”

“Well, I guess I haven’t.” They heard the shower turn on upstairs.

“Maybe you should try. Or you’ll never know what you can do.” Becky chuckled at this little who knew so much about life.

She looked in the fridge. “We have pureed fruit, pureed vegetables, pureed chicken, and pureed … nope, that’s all we got.” So the same thing as the past however many meals, Jamie thought. He was looking forward to being able to eat solids again.

“I’m not very hungry tonight.”

“You’re not? You feeling okay?”

“Yeah.” She bent down in front of him and placed her palm on his forehead. “I think you got a little too much sun today.”

“Feels like it. I have a headache too.”

“Did you get enough to drink today?”

“I think so. Just very bright. I’m not used to not wearing sunglasses outside.”

“Then we’ll have to get you some. But you gotta eat something tonight. I can get out the blender and make anything you want.”

Nothing makes food taste better than it being pulverized into mush, Jamie thought. He didn’t look like he wanted to even choose, and Becky noticed.

“I have an idea. How about some formula? I can put some ice in it. I know you love that stuff.” Jamie perked up. He did love that stuff; how it could taste so good and keep him so contented, he didn’t know. He thought she was feeding it to him at night, and somehow, he wasn’t waking up.

“That sounds really good, actually.”

“Comin’ right up.” Becky went to the cabinet and looked at the cups and containers. She wanted to bottle feed him. She loved that time with him; it felt so right. Sharing a meal brings people together, but feeding your little was a whole other level of intimacy. She envied the people who breastfeed their littles, but she recalled the unpleasant parts as well.

Remembering everything she and Amanda had talked about, about letting him take the lead and seeing what he liked and what he didn’t and helping him to find his own way, Becky, picked a bottle and a sippy cup out of the cabinet and turned to Jamie.

“Which one do you want?”

Jamie surprised himself by not being sure. His pride said sippy cup (or it did, given the choices), but like he had that day after swimming, leaning back against Becky while she held a bottle to his lips felt good. It just did. It was comfortable, and it made him feel close to her, and he knew she liked it. And he felt he owed her for the day, so they both got what they wanted.

Jamie blushed and pointed to the bottle. Becky tried to hide a smile.

“It’s getting a bit late, and Amanda’s gonna be in the shower a while.”

“She’s kinda a water hog.” Becky laughed and then laughed harder. Jamie hadn’t meant it as a joke; it just came out because it was true. Becky’s laugh made Jamie laugh until they both had tears running down their cheeks.

“He swims, and he’s funny!” Jamie blushed. “I was gonna say how about I feed you now instead of us waiting for her?”

Jamie noticed the sun was going down. It was late, later than he normally stayed up, but then he’d slept longer than he did most afternoons.

“Works for me.”

“How about in the living room? I’ll be there in a minute.”

Jamie climbed down and went into the living room. Climbing up on to the couch was harder. Unlike the chair, it gave way when he grabbed a handful of cushion. He’d work on that, but for now he chose the floor and laid himself back on it. The carpet fibers actually felt good against his bare back.

Becky came in with the bottle and two cloths this time, both wet. He got up when she came in, and she sat down on the couch. She pulled him up and into her lap, then pivoted so she was reclining against the arm and he was reclining against her.

“Put your head back, baby.” He did, and she put one of the folded, wet cloths on his forehead. “Feel better?” It did. She took the other one and laid it flat on his chest. He writhed a bit, the the initial, mild shock of the coolness soothing his warm skin. He closed his eyes. Becky picked up the bottle and held it to his lips. He latched on and drank very slowly.

Becky ran her free hand through his still-wet hair. It felt so soft to her. He was getting a little shaggy. He needs a haircut soon, she thought. She took the cloth from his forehead and turned it over to the cool side, pressing it over his eyes, behind his ears, his cheeks, his neck, the tops of his shoulders, and then his belly. She saw his heartbeat slow; she could always see it in his tummy when he laid back, a steady, healthy beat. His head slumped a bit, and his breathing slowed as he kept nursing, slower and slower.

She brought her hand back to his hair and played with it. Amanda appeared in the living room. Becky held a finger to her lips. Amanda looked dismayed.

“Mom,” she whispered, “We talked about this today.”

Becky glanced up at her and then back to the sleeping little boy in her lap, her hands still playing with his soft hair.

“I asked; this is what he wanted tonight.”

“O! Sorry.” Amanda smiled down at the scene. Becky looked happy, and he looked peaceful. Amanda knelt next to the couch, first kissing her mom on the cheek and then stroking his soft face with the back of her fingers. “I love it when he’s like this.” Amanda sighed and stood back up. Becky took the empty bottle from Jamie’s lips.

“I can go put him down while you finish getting dinner ready,” Amanda offered. “Or you can put him down, and I’ll get it on the table.”

Still playing with his hair, gently massaging his scalp, Becky shook her head softly. “Not yet. Why don’t you get started without me? I want to stay like this a while.”

Amanda understood that perfectly, and she was glad to give the two of them this moment alone. Jamie and Becky hadn’t actually been in each other’s arms much. It made Amanda happy to see them this way. She went to the kitchen to eat alone.