Cream Man Origins - A Short Story

It's not easy being creamy

This is something my Father often said to me... when I was a young boy.. A lot of people don't know that before I became Cream man, I was a Cream Boy

A boy who was bullied a lot for the way he looked... For the way he acted, I was always an odd child, even factoring out the festering clump of cream that laid between my supple breasts I never quiet fit in I was estranged from my peers.. An outcast... Whenever I tried to express my feelings of isolation to my Father he would always say "It's not easy being creamy!".. While this was right, Cream and easy weren't even in the same School, it felt dismissive, like I wasn't being heard, he never once asked me about how I felt, he never questioned the people who hurt me, he believed it was written in stone, that I must suffer, that my life would be riddled with pain.

Bceause of this I grew up taking a lot of stuff on the chin or lack off... I don't have a spine but it would have been nice to develop a metaphorical one, to learn how to fight back, to stand up for myself, to make the ones who shrouded my life in misery feel even an Ounce of accountability but alas.. Security, confidence, even calls to action, aren't nature they're all nurture and without ever being taught how to respect myself and how to request that of others, I find myself turning away from the world, I hid I never tried to fight, I couldn't even ask my own Father for help less I hear is catchphrase echo through my mind, shattering whatever love for him I had left. In a world that does not feel fit for me, I found no other option, infact I wouldn't say it was an option, as it came and found me. the warm, tighting hug of heroin.

Heroin felt like all the love I had been screaming for for years, rolled up into one neat ball then shot directly into ever fibre of my being. It was like every hug I ever wanted, every kiss I desired, every "I love you" all smooshed together and embraced onto me as though the heat from a dancing flame on a cold winters night. It felt like home, it felt like the home I wanted, the home I needed but sure enough, as life has shown me, as I have been taught "IT'S NOT easy BEING CREAMY", my Father found me one night, passed out on my floor, rope around my arm, needle hanging out and instead of showing any concern, any care, he kicked me out, he disowned be as his son. Threw me away like I was the leftovers from 3 days ago, as I scurried to grab my things, he began pushing me screaming "LEAVE HERE, LEAVE, NO ONE WANTS YOU" He pushed me hard on the last time and I fell, My chest pimple hitting the ground and exploding, I screamed in agony as I lie in a puddle of my own puss and yet he did not care, he forced me up, tears in my eyes and threw me out of his home.

The next few years were hazy, it was seemingly a never ended battle of trying to get high, to stay high but the longer I did it, the less it worked. The less I felt, The home the drugs had created began to crumble, Brick by brick it lay in ruins, less than a shadow of it's former self, thanks to the drug abuse I could not even remember how it truly felt, my old heaven was nothing, a void were euphoria once stood. Now I lay in the distorted life I have made, no home, no love, nothing to live for, I lie on the sidewalk each and everyday, wondering when god will kill me, if I can kill myself and he'll still let me into heaven, if he would turn a blind eye to my sin because of my life. Each day feels longer than the last, there is no joy left in my life, I am truly alone. But it was within my loneliness. How isolated I felt that I had time to reflect, to ask myself why I hated who i was, why I punished myself for simply existing and sure enough after months and months of digging through myself inbetween bouts of trying to get high, between stealing, being robbed, assualted, every horrendous action under the sun. I realised, I only hated myself because that's what everyone told me to do. Not because it was right... It was time to make a change, to be the change I needed, I went to rehab after this revelation and from there... A new journey began

During Rehab I met a wonderful woman who was also there for Heroin, she was smart, funny and most of all beautiful down to her very core.. Her smile embraced even the harshest of weathers and her skin radiated with the glow of a caring Mother. I always looked at her from a far, I didn't want to bother her, I even felt bad staring but something about her was too allurring to stop looking, infact one day I was too busy thinking about the fact that I was looking at her that I didn't even notice she had walked up to me, I shy'd away but she persisted, even going as far to put her hand on my shoulder and ask how my recovery is going. We spoke a little, she asked to have a seat next to me and that was where, it all started..

Everyday since then felt like a new heaven, A shared place of bliss, We've been together for 5 years and still to still this day we share every smile and every frown, she gave me the love I never got, she showed me how to truly smile, how to be happy, I haven't thought about drugs since the day we began talking, everything is beyond perfect, for the first time in my life it feels like the world is smiling at me but even after all these years, I suppose I kept on fearing that the it's not easy being creamy curse stuck with me. That she would get up one day and decide to leave or that this was all some elaborate joke played on me, but as each moment passed, that voice quietened, until it became nothing more than a whisper in a crowd, finally life seemed good. Until one day She developed cancer, within the blink of an eye the future went from shining bright to plummenting into misery, I was scared, I was terrified, I cried everyday, I screamed randomly, I even had my first ever beer but thankfully hated it. Even in all my pain, my suffering, my expressions of agony, Suzie never waivered.. She never stopped smiling at me, she never stopped holding my hand, telling me she loved me. Even as her own fucking body turned on itself, she always let me know.. how important I was to her. That she wouldn't leave me, that she truly cared...

All of this pain was hard to process, I tried to mask my agony but I couldn't, each time I saw her smile, heard her laugh all I could think was about how I'd never experience it again, how only my memories would remain. A terrifying prospect to someone with memory issues. I spent my days fearing for her loss or questioning god, even though it got me no where I knew in my heart I had to feel, I had to let myself process this, I couldn't be there for her while I was like this, I needed to let it out, so I could become stronger. It took some time, a few weeks but It was time I stood up, It was time I was strong, that I showed her she didn't have to worry. Her treatments were only becoming more expensive and as time went on we began to run out of money, I never managed to land a job on account of my appearance and even then she still loved me... but now was not the time to feel sorry for myself, I needed to make money, I needed a way to support her to do what she did for me. After a week of planning it was ready, a cream man truck, a place where I could sell my cream.. The thing I shy'd away from my entire life, being the very thing to save me. I started doing tests on myself, Popping my pimple hurt but I could use a straw to make small openings and leak bits out, this did hurt a little but compared to what she was going through it didn't matter, I had to be brave.

I opened my Cream man van and at first business was slow, but over the next few weeks it began picking up, I was making nothing but profit on account of my delicious cream coming from myself, everything was going to plan, I felt like I could do this, with each day of sales I was able to pay for a week of treatment, I'd be able to keep her alive long enough for them to find a cure I am sure of it. It had been around a month of this work, everyday I came home with a huge smile on my face, everyone buying my cream made me feel validated, it made me feel wanted but most of all, it made me respect myself and appreciate what I had to offer. Suzie was ecstatic to see this, she expressed so much joy seeing me happy that I forgot how sick she truly was, she couldn't help but constantly smile, knowing how happy I was, everything was on track, The future was bright and together we had faced another hurdle. Another successful day of selling cream had passed, I scurred on home to see my love, it was my biggest day yet, I made enough money to pay for 3 weeks of treatment! Everything was going good, neigh perfect, I arrived home after work, slapped my keys into the bowl and Squelched my way down the hall, calling out her name as I sang to myself, I entered the room, turned on the light and saw her, she was covered in blood, coughing furiously. I screamed at the sight of her, rushing to her body, tears began flowing but she held me, she held my face and stared at me. I could see it in her eyes.. The spark was fading, the light leaving... she did not have long left in this world.. I could see that it was time... That there wasn't enough fight left in her. I went to cry but I held back and I smiled at her, "So, you're gonna go before I have time to make dinner?" I try to say with my voice qwivering, she chuckled through another cough, we both sat there looking at one another, she leaned in, kissed me and said how proud of me she was and in this moment I realised something, I realised what had been there all along. 

"Thanks for showing me, how to love myself... How to love who I am, because of you, I'm not scared to be myself. I love myself"

Her eyes lit up for one final time, overcome with joy and with the last of her strength, she wrapped her arms around me

I burst into tears, she squeezed tight, one final time until

She passed away... 

And to this day I have never forgotten those lessons, I have never forgotten what she taught me

I may miss her everyday


But her will, her spirit, lives on in every smile I hold

I love myself, I love my cream

I am the Cream Man