I'm the Most Unsubmissive Sub You'll Ever Meet

I’m a little shy if I’m tired, and pretty confident when I’m not. I’m submissive with some men, but not all. If you condescend to me, I'll bury you in angry pixels until you use your safe word.

Your safe word is, "I'm a mansplaining internet troll called "Sweetheart."

I'm not domineering or subservient. I constantly swing between the desire to submit and the temptation to take charge. My sexuality isn’t made up of ones and zeros because I’m an organic entity. For me, submission is an action, not a character trait. It's an active choice to accept or yield, and I don't engage that decision until I understand who and what I’m submitting to.  

If I let submission leak into my everyday personality, I’ll say ‘yes’ to just about everything. That's the fastest way to lose your life and its priorities, so if you don't mind, I'll keep taking charge of my world like the grownup single I am. It took me decades to find her, and I did so because she was the doorway to a healthy life. I no longer have a submissive cell in my left fingernail because that was a necessary step towards happiness.

And that's just fine because the man I want to be with won't choose me because I’m a sub. He'll choose me because I'm me. And "me" includes a penchant for dominating mansplainers on the internet.

I’m looking for a relationship first, a sexual framework second. I’m not willing to have a relationship that hinges entirely on BDSM, so I want a man who’s looking for a woman first, and a sub, second. He’ll want me because I’m shy when I’m tired. He’ll want me because I love words, because I create, because I've met every dog on my street. He’ll want me because I have a ridiculous sense of humour and a preference for miserable movies.

He’ll want me. Just plain me.

A lot of D-types in this community are profoundly concerned about this aspect of my personality. One cannot expect a dominant if one doesn't behave like a sub. Here's the problem with that: Strangers don't get a seat at my romance table. Those chairs are for me and my BDSM crush.

And that's not your problem. It’s not his problem. It’s not the world’s problem, because it’s not a problem at all.