The Trouble with Self-Titled Mentorship

The scene has a playpen the size of a rugby field full of self-titled masters who have been involved in BDSM since they were yea high to a cricket. Yep, when you were in primary school, a fifth of your class was already whipping subs. They wrote the BDSM textbook at the tender age of four, then mastered shibari in a monastery at the top of Mount Olympus at the age of 11. Every single one of them expects instant, no-limits, protocol-rich submission.

They speak a lot about their so-called authority and experience as though it's somehow unique or gives their opinions gravitas. It does not. I look up to a lot of people who've been in the scene for decades, and that respect is earned. They never require it as Master Twue does. And that, right there, is how dominance works. Those who are masters of themselves don’t have arrogance squeaking out of every pore of their Dunning-Kruger effect. Those who know the most have the least confidence in their knowledge, so their ego alone tells us all we need to know about their lack of knowledge.

Humble leaders don't have to tell us to respect them. Our respect follows naturally. They don't have to explain why their opinions are better and more relevant than ours. The truth of their words makes itself known naturally. It's easy to detect. It carries the scent of authenticity.

In the kink scene, we choose our mentors. They do not claim the title themselves. They don’t need to. Their local communities are too busy asking for their guidance to bring much doubt.

In Cape Town, our most respected mentors don’t push their dominance onto others. Quite the opposite. They care enormously about the scene, so they try to be of service. Master Twue would never dream of taking on that kind of role. He’s too busy shouting against the wind about his superiority.

Those with superior knowledge rarely shout. They don’t insist. They don’t thrust their opinions onto others. Why would they?

Mentorship is an honour that you can’t bestow upon yourself. The label is given, not taken. Trying to claim the title is like building a crown for yourself and expecting humanity to take it seriously. That much narcissism will win a few straggling followers, but it will never make you a leader.