Things That Will Happen if You Run a Kink Event

You’ve decided to run an event! This is going to be super fun!

• People will consider you a Leader of the Kink Community™, even if you just arrange a weekly coffee date. Did Jack tie Jill to the rafters without permission? It’s your fault. Did the brats get free and put googly eyes on all the cupcakes? Your fault.

• You’re now all-knowing and omnipotent. Congratulations.

• Who bedazzled the St Andrews cross? You don’t know? Then you’re not doing your job properly.

• This is still going to be fun. No, really!

• Every restaurant in the city will blacklist you for booking 50 chairs and only filling 20. You will invent 100 sneaky ways to get the guestlist right. You will fail all 100 times.

• Someone will rub his dick all over your couch. Someone else will squirt all over your favourite rug. You will become as comfortable with other people’s body fluids as an ER nurse. You’ll even sit on your couch.

• Everyone will be profoundly grateful for the work and money you invest in their events—so much so that they’ll all volunteer to help you clean up afterwards.

• Bwahahaha! Just kidding. That will never happen.

• Bwaha! Sorry. I can’t stop laughing.

• The community will split into two. It will be your fault. Don’t worry. Everyone will still be profoundly grateful for all the emotional labour you invest into their events. Hahaha! You’re so gullible.

• Everyone will formulate an opinion on your personality. This is going to be the best experience ever.

• You are no longer a regular human with limited spoons. You’re an object with an infinite supply of energy and resources. When your local scene develops a random need, they will ask you to fill it, not Jack, the unemployed trust fund guy who's never set out a single chair.

• What? If you give a lot, it means you can give even more. This is totally how it works.