Concession and Submission aren’t the Same Things. Do You Want This or are You Just Too Scared to Refuse it?

This is a tale of two subs. First, there is Jess—a sub with a serious people-pleasing habit. Jess says yes.

All the time.

Even when she doesn’t want to. Even when she knows it might traumatise her, and when it does traumatize her, it traumatises her tops as well. Good people don’t like feeling like rapists.

Jack is our second sub—a TPE slave who says “yes” to things that might terrify Jess, and yet “no” is an integral part of his vocabulary. He feels completely comfortable setting limits and building the right dynamic for his needs. His TPE relationship was hard won because it was built from a thousand noes. It doesn’t seem that way from the outside, but Jack has power.

You might consider him a more subservient version of Jess, but he isn’t. Jess doesn’t submit. She concedes. Jack submits. That means he makes active choices about what he will accept. He chooses his dynamic on the basis of his own happiness. This is common in TPE couples. If you’ve ever met a slave, you’ll know how confidently they manage their lives. They can tolerate total power exchange because they have plenty of power to give.

You can’t take power from someone who doesn’t have it in the first place, and Jess has none. Her choices are passive. She doesn’t want to make them. She just thinks she should. Should is a big word in her vocabulary. Most of what she tells herself begins with “should.” She should say yes. She should drop this limit. She should not safe word. She should be subservient.

You can’t have a relationship with a human when “should” is in the way. You’re not relating to an authentic human, just the human they think they’re supposed to be. There are a thousand ways this can go wrong, and they usually do. Concession is the fastest route to a toxic dynamic.

Concession allows. Submission gives.
Concession tolerates. Submission embraces.
Concession is undiscerning. Submission is enthusiastic.
Concession gives despite its own drives. Submission gives because of its own drives.

Passive concessions are destructive to tops and bottoms alike, so are you submitting or are you conceding? Do you want this or are you just too scared to refuse it?