Stop silencing people who are making the kink community a more ethical place.

Every time I speak out against… well… literally anything, someone tells me there’s no point in bothering. Things never change, you see, so we should all just join hands and sing “kumbaya”. I’ve been around too long to believe that. I joined Fetlife in late 2014. I still remember the culture in those days. If you think the site is politically charged now, try travelling back in time.

2015 was The Year of the Brat Wars. Every week, our favourite brat couple would fill the top 10 with glitter and mayhem. It was, however, also The Year of The One Twue Way, and certain Fetlebrity masters were uncomfortable with The Brat Reign. They missed “the beautiful days of beautiful submission” when subs were automatons that did what they were told.

A third of Fetlife was saying, “Brats are friends, not food.”

Another third was saying, “Brats are killing BDSM.”

The remaining third didn’t care. They were more interested in the fact that, “Ohmigod 50 Shades will be the death of the kink scene.” As you know, The 50 Shades Uprising is still bemoaning the effects of a book that was published literally 12 years ago, but The Brat Wars are over.

Guess who won?

The loudest voice of the old One Twue Way movement is currently being held under house arrest for assault, sexual intercourse without consent, and 62 other charges. The kink scene learned from that story. These days, you have to look hard to find One Twue Way nonsense. When you do, it’ll rarely be in the main pathways of the Fetisphere. You’ve got to dig it up from the soil because we don’t make it trend on our main byways anymore.

People pushed hard enough for long enough, and they altered the very fabric of our culture. They wrote about consent. They wrote about autonomy. They even wrote about how they should get to do BDSM their own way. In 2015, you had to write frequent essays on finding your own approach to submission because few people were doing so.

Today, most subs expect to create their own dynamics. There are no longer 10 voices decrying unethical kink, but thousands. Gen Y is speaking out from a million different places.

So you think writing can’t create change? This man used to be our biggest Fetlebrity. In his day, we were still begging for an inbox filter and a stronger response to online abuse. We’ve finally got our filter, along with a strong set of TOU to cut back on spotting.

So you think pushing back is a waste of time?

In 2015, most smut writers didn’t include consent in their writings.

Brats were killing BDSM.

We followed sex offenders rather than sex workers.

So you think speaking out is pointless drama?

Nine years ago, legalistic BDSM was the norm, not the exception, but if you want to cut back on drama, I have a friendly suggestion: Stop silencing people who are making this community a more ethical place.